[Dudley and Kitty arrive at the Spitzer's house]
DudleyI'm telling you, Kitty, there's no proof Bigfoot robbed this house. [rings the doorbell]
[answers the door] This is Wolf Spitzer with proof that Bigfoot… Yes, Bigfoot, definitely robbed my house. [holds up a photo of Bigfoot breaking into his house and stealing his golf clubs]
Dudley
[snatches the photo out Wolf's hands] You're a big lying liar! This could be any 8-foot tall hair creature with giant feet. [rips up the photo into pieces]
This is Wolf Spitzer saying that I have a copy of this photo. [takes out a copy of the original photo]
Dudley
[whispering to him, mistaking him for Kitty] Why is he talking into a mic?
This is Wolf Spitzer saying you whispered that to me.
Maybe we can talk to someone else, Mr. Spitzer.
WSWolf Spitzer's Daughter
This is Wolf Spitzer's Daughter, so, you can talk to me.
Dudley
[consoling Bigfoot] I'll figure out some way to get you out of here, buddy. I just need to think. Thinking is hard. Maybe I'll just make some hot chocolate. That's hard too. Or maybe I'll just sit here. [jumps and sits down on the floor] Ah, the floor is hard.
[on screen monitor] This is Wolf Spitzer saying Bigfoot has struck again! And this time, he's teamed up with the beloved former show pony, Shenanigans. Yes, Shenanigans.
Dudley
Hey, look, Bigfoot. You're on TV. Wait. You're on TV. That means… [groans] more thinking. No, wait, I've got it. You're innocent! That means you're innocent!
[Petropolis Arcade; Dudley and the Chameleon (disguised as Denise) have gotten the highest score in competing the Dance Dance Blast the Ants competition]
TFToby Finkle
With the so-called power vested in me as assistant manager of the Petropolis Arcade, I, Toby Finkle, have declared Dudley and Denise the winners. [the key slips out of their hands and hits the Chameleon in the head] You might wanna wipe the key off. [holds up a sweaty palm] I have a sweating problem.
Oh, yes! In your face, Finkle! That's what you get when you mess with me… The Chameleon! [rips off his wig]
TFToby Finkle
You? But I used my so-called authority to ban you from these primacies.
I flagrantly disregard your ban! And now, for my revenge!
Dudley
Revenge? I thought we were here to dance!
That was your thing, we're doing my thing now! [shapeshifts into a shoe and kicks Dudley into a closet; then takes out a bomb, making everyone scream and run away] Not so fast, Finkle! [grabs Toby with his tongue as he tries to escape, reels him back to the dance machine, and attaches the bomb; laughing manically] With this key, I will set the game on an endless loop, and you, Toby Finkle, will have to dance perfectly, because if you miss a step, KA-BLOOEY! Good luck keeping your job if this place blows up on your watch! [starts the game]
DMDance Machine Voice
Dance Dance Blast the Ants!
TFToby Finkle
[as the machine shows two players needed and the bomb starts to overheat] Okay, two things: One, this is a partner's game, and two, if this place blows, we're both goners!
Oh, right, I didn't think this through. [joins in] This is just like Denise to make bad choices! I've got to stop trying to get through life on my looks!
Oh, my gosh! We've been robbed!
Dudley
We should call T.U.F.F.!
Dudley
Then we should call ourselves. Except we can't, our phones were stolen.
Oh, there's no crime. The government just cut our funding and took all our stuff. They even took my monitor cart and replaced it with this little red wagon and magnifying glass. Oh, they don't appreciate us anymore. Wow, it's hot in here!
Who cares what the government thinks? We're dedicated crime fighters, and no one can stop us from doing our job. [stutters] By the way, are they still paying us?
Yes, but with buttons and grated cheese.
Dudley
Let him go, Kitty. I want his buttons and cheese.
You realize the importance of loyalty?
No, they turned off the power to the elevators. And there's no way I'm… [stutters] walking down 111 flights of stairs.
Dudley
Well, at least the government didn't take our vending machine. I'm gonna get a candy bar. [tries sticking a button in the vending machine coin slot, but it doesn't go in] Great! This thing doesn't take buttons. What are all these weird foods in here?
To save money. They replaced all the good stuff with cheap generic snacks. Is anyone else hot?
Dudley
"Onion Wrongs"? "Stale Mix"? "Grief Jerky"? [pounds vending machine] It's sad, cause there's nothing in the bag. [kicks vending machine] "Powdered Do-nots?" [eats but gags] Oh, "Do not" eat them. Okay, why couldn't this bag have been empty?
That's not real powdered sugar. Everything in that… [stutters] vending machine is made from Chemical 19. It's perfectly safe, as long as you're immune to radiation and your body has the ability to… [stutters] digest glass.
Let me guess, Tammy trouble?
Yeah. It just seems my wooing isn't working.
Dudley
Well, maybe Kitty can (help) give you some girl advice. She's kind of a girl.
[flicks Dudley in the ear; annoyed] Thanks, Dudley. And you're kind of a secret agent. So, how exactly have you been wooing her, Keswick?
Well, let's see, I snuck into her house, then wrote "I love you" on her bathroom mirror in ketchup.
[Tammy screams in horror at the message on the bathroom mirror, believing it's written in blood]
Agent Puppy, this is a nightmare!
Dudley
You're telling me. I really wanted that lemon cream donut.
I'm never gonna win Tammy over. [sighs in depression]
Dudley
You just gotta keep trying, Keswick. I know women, and the one thing they love is being desperately pursued by a guy they're not interested in.
Dudley
Listen, Kitty. There's something I need to tell you.
You can tell me anything.
Dudley
Really? You promise not to get mad?
Dudley
I wasn't poisoned. I just didn't want you to be mad because I ate your cupcakes. Whoo! Okay. Yeah, feels good to get that off my chest.
[lividly] Dudley! HOW COULD YOU?! [roars in fury and tries to pulverize him]
Dudley
You promised you wouldn't get mad! I feel like you're mad!
Forget about the snack pockets. Dudley shouldn't be playing with dangerous equipment. We're talking about a guy who eats crayons on a daily basis.
Dudley
They make going to the bathroom colorful. Besides, all I did was create that frightening and mysterious hole in the air.
Oh, no! This is terrible. You got… [stutters] crayon on my lab coat!
T.U.F.F. Puppy · 225 quotes
