Jim quotes from Survivor Series

The Hitman Bret Hart has met his match, JR.

Oh, absolutely. You know what, I'll tell you something. I don't know... Austin... I don't know what they're going to... what are you going to do to beat this man. [Austin slaps the Million Dollar Dream onto Bret] Wait a minute, there's the Million Dollar Dream.

Yes, sleeper applied on Bret Hart. Let's see what the Hitman can do. [Bret kicks off of the top rope, toppling onto Austin. Referee Tim White counts to three] Unbelievable!

Here is your winner: Bret "Hitman" Hart!

[over Howard's announcement] Austin wouldn't let go of the hold! Austin didn't let go of the Million Dollar Dream, and it cost him the victory! Bret Hart countered Austin's own maneuver!

You wanna talk about someone who knows all the ropes. Well the Hitman, Bret Hart just taught Steve Austin a move and some of the ropes, the likes of which he's never ever seen before.

[on Razor Ramon II and Diesel II] Okay, JR, these are your guys, they're your proteges!

I'm not their manager! You manage Vader. If I were managing these guys, they'd be doing a heck of... if I were managing Vader, he'd be doing better! He'd probably be the champion!

You couldn't manage a Wendy's!

I could if you lifted a tab.

Hard shoulder block by Windham, the son of Blackjack Mulligan, knocking the rather... well, he's a little weird, ol' Phineas is, from Bitters, Arkansas.

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute, don't start already, JR. There's nothing weird about the guy just because he comes into the ring wearing a pair of overalls and... I don't know, he must sweat a lot. He's already soaking wet; the match has just started. But that doesn't make him weird.

Those three years in the third grade had nothing to do with that analogy, I guess.

Interestingly enough, King, only one member of Team Canada was born in Canada — that's Phil LaFon. The Bulldog's from Manchester, England; Doug Furnas from Commerce, Oklahoma; and Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart from Reno, Nevada.

Don't ever let the facts get in the way of a good story, Ross. Who cares? This is Canada against the United States, and quite frankly, I'm a little bit ashamed of the team that we're fielding.

Owen Hart with a tremendous ovation in his home country, and Owen Hart...aw, look at this. What an act of bravery. Owen Hart, defending the Intercontinental Title, is bringing Team Canada with him.

Well, it takes that many guys to carry all of Owen Hart's awards — those Slammies, all the titles, those flags.

Yeah, Owen Hart has won a couple of Slammies, he's won two WWF Tag Titles, he's been the Intercontinental Champion twice. In some people's view, he is the real "Hitman" of the Hart family, because he almost put Shawn Michaels on the shelf with a kick to the back of the head, and we all know what he did to Stone Cold Steve Austin at SummerSlam.

And you know, let's face it. In actuality, the physicians have not cleared Stone Cold to wrestle. They probably never will again. He had to go...he had to sidetrack the physicians. He had to get this match OK'd...well, he had to okay it himself. He had to indemnify Vince McMahon and the World Wrestling Federation, tell them they wouldn't be sued if his career was ended, and that may be the biggest mistake Stone Cold's ever made in his life.

Austin again... [hits the Stone Cold Stunner on Owen Hart and covers him] OH AUSTIN! THE STUNNER! THE STONE COLD STUNNER! It's... [the referee counts three] YES!

No!

AUSTIN'S THE CHAMPION! STEVE AUSTIN IS THE NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION! [Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon attack, but Austin Stuns both] Wait a minute! Team Canada's back! Furnas, LaFon, Stunner for your trouble! The Rattlesnake did it!

...et nouveau Champion Intercontinental: Stone Cold Steve Austin!

Austin walks into hostile territory, and he comes away with the Intercontinental Championship, and now the fans seem to love him!

I told you these Canadians are idiots!

Tonight, the mystery opponent...to square off against Mankind. This legend, in the ranks of sports-entertainment, made his WWF debut in 1990. Over the course of the next six years, this charismatic superstar boasted a won-loss record that set new standards here in the WWF. Unfortunately, seeking more opposition of his own caliber, this natural athlete jumped ship to the "dubya-C-dubya" (WCW)...

Woah! Who is it?

...and after suffering a massive shoulder injury, this cornerstone of the World Wrestling Federation has been sidelined for the past two years. With his career on the line, he fought back with resilience, dreaming of this triumphant return to the ring here tonight. Therefore, without further ado, allow me to introduce to you. Currently, the coach of the Pasadena Chargers. The man...the myth...Duane Gill.

Who?

What...is he....?

Duane Gill? Wait a minute I know him, that's Duane Gill!

Well I'm not...he's...he's...he's got a video. McMahon has had a video prepared to Duane Gill, who has spent more time on the canvas than Rembrandt.

What? This is Mankind's mystery opponent? Handpicked by Mr. Vince McMahon?

Well, I tell you what...when McMahon told Mankind that... [pyro goes off] OH! I don't think Duane's quite used to getting pyro.

He's got pyro and it scared him!

I think that, I was informed just a second ago by our producers, that the Pasadena Chargers...is an elementary school football team. It's no as as if came...

Well don't hold that against him.

It's not as as if he came from the NFL or something.

Why don't you just listen to me a little more, JR? I've been doing this a few years, you know. I know what I'm talking about.

I watched you when I was a kid; I learned something every day.

There's the Sharpshooter.

Sharpshooter!

McMahon said, "ring the bell!" Wait a minute.

What?

Wait a minute.

Ladies and gentlemen, as a result of a submission, the winner... and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: The Rock!

WHAT?!?!

What the hell? They're in it all along, all three of them! They screwed us all... McMahon and the family, The Rock, they screwed us all!!!

Vince McMahon in the ring! Now Vince has got the title belt.

OH! [Big Show chokeslams Billy Gunn]

Vince McMahon has got the title belt in his hand, King.

Look out! Wha... [Vince swings at Triple H with the belt, but misses] Uh-oh.

Oh, going for Triple H's head...

[Vince swings again, and this time hits Triple H] NO!

AND HE GOT IT! McMAHON JUST KNOCKED TRIPLE H DOWN WITH THE BELT! [Big Show picks up Triple H and chokeslams him] THE BIG SHOW WITH A CHOKESLAM!

[Big Show covers him. Vince, who was scheduled to be the referee for this match, counts and the audience counts along with him] No! I can't believe it! [Vince counts three]

THE BIG SHOW! McMAHON HAS SCREWED HELMSLEY!

[as he says this, Vince hands over the title to the Big Show] The winner of this bout, and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: The Big Show!

Vince McMahon has screwed Triple H, and it is Show Time! It's Show Time! Triple H has lost the WWF Title to the Big Show!

Austin thrown right into the face of Earl Hebner. Down goes the referee. The Rock measuring Austin! [The Rock sets Austin up for the Rock Bottom, but Austin counters] Looking for the Rock Bottom!

[Austin hits the Stone Cold Stunner on the Rock] STUNNER! OH MY GOD, IT'S OVER! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S FINALLY OVER! The legacy of the World Wrestling Federation dies here! [Austin covers, but Hebner is still down] COVER!!!!!

But there's no referee!

DAMN IT!

Austin, he... he... he knocked his own referee out.

It was unintentional!

But then he... he inadvertently ran over Earl Hebner. [as he says this, Kurt Angle, who had moments ago been eliminated, reenters] The Rock starting to stir, but wait... wait a minute.

[Angle grabs Austin's WWF title] Here comes Kurt. Thank God.

That son of a... [Angle hits Austin with the title belt] OH! KURT ANGLE JUST... HE JUST NAILED AUSTIN! [The Rock delivers the Rock Bottom to Austin] THE ROCK BOTTOM! THE ROCK BOTTOM! [Hebner slowly makes it to the Rock pinning Austin and counts slowly. The crowd counts along with him] THE COUNT! THE COUNT! [Hebner counts three. The crowd and the WWF locker room erupt] IT'S OVER! IT'S OVER! THE WWF HAS WON IT! [In shock, Heyman drops his headset]

[cut to the Alliance's locker room where Stephanie McMahon is screaming in anguish, and soon after back to the WWF locker room where their celebration continues] The winner of the fall: The Rock! And thus, the surviving organization: The World Wrestling Federation!

[Speaking to Heyman] How do you feel about that? You're out of work! You're out of work again! You didn't win, Paul! Your man lost! Kurt Angle just screwed you guys!

[overlap on Alliance footage; crying] Oh my God, what have I done?!?!? [cue back to the WWF locker room's celebration]

The Rock with the Rock Bottom, and Kurt Angle drilled Austin with the WWF title belt! How ironic was that?!? The WWF wins! The Alliance dies at the Survivor Series! The weight of the WWF world, resting on the shoulders of The Rock and a bizarre, shocking assist, by Kurt Angle, has cost the Alliance. The Rock said he was gonna do it and he did it, and the billion-dollar Princess [referring to a kneeling Stephanie] can't believe it. Shane and Stephanie are out of business! Paul Heyman is out of business, and the Alliance is going belly-up.

And the Game going back; he's going to try it again.

Oh-ho.

One more Pedigree! He's going to stop Michaels!

[But Michaels back body drops out of the way] Look out, Game! Look out!

And Michaels back body dropped the Game! [Michaels gets into Superkick position] He came out of it!

[Michaels hits Sweet Chin Music and the crowd erupts] Oh, he GOT him!

SWEET CHIN MUSIC! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! THE COVER! [Earl Hebner counts and the crowd counts along with him: "One"] THE COVER! ["Two"] HE GOT HIM! ["Three"; the crowd erupts again]

NO! WHAT?!?

SHAWN MICHAELS! SHAWN MICHAELS IS THE WORLD CHAMPION!

What?!? WHAT did you say?

[over Jerry talking] The winner of this bout, and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: HBK, Shawn Michaels!

THEY'RE ON THEIR FEET AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN! MY GOD, I DON'T BELIEVE IT! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

They're on their feet all over the world right now, JR! Nobody believes this!

SHAWN MICHAELS IS THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!

ACK! Look at this! [Confetti begins to drop from the rafters]

MY GOD, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

This may be the world's biggest celebration!

I know it's been said before, BUT IN THE WWE, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?!?