Teal'c quotes from Stargate SG-1

Dr. Jackson

Can you do me a favor? Could you keep an eye on this plant thing for me?

Teal'c

I will keep both of my eyes on it, Daniel Jackson.

[After the teams return from the Re'tu planet] So you would say threat assessment is high... [Turns to O'Neill]

Col. O'Neill

Oh yeah.

Capt. Carter

There were a lot of them, sir.

Teal'c

They are indeed invisible.

I'm Michael.

Teal'c

I am not at liberty to reveal my identity.

Far out!

So your thing, that thing, on your forehead; what's it symbolize? Peace?

Teal'c

Slavery, to false gods.

Right on. So it's made out of...?

Teal'c

Do not discuss it further.

I dig. It's cool. [pause] So you just go AWOL?

Hey, we're cool. After the concert me and Jenny, we're even thinking about crossing the border up to Canada.

Teal'c

For what reason?

You know, man… the war.

Teal'c

The war with Canada?

... No.

Col. O'Neill

Jaffa jokes? Let's hear one of them.

Teal'c

I shall attempt to translate one, O'Neill. A serpent guard, a Horus guard, and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Setesh guard's... nose drips.

Teal'c, I would like you to act as liaison to the Goa'uld. Dr. Jackson—

Teal'c

[interrupting] Gen. Hammond.

Is there a problem?

Teal'c

I mean no disrespect. But I have given my allegiance to you, to the SGC and to the people of this world, freely. I will, however, not see to the petty needs of these Goa'ulds.

Dr. Jackson

[to Hammond] I'll... see to the petty needs of the Goa'uld, sir.

Aris Boch

And you, O'Neill, you're considered... well, you're a pain in the mikta.

Col. O'Neill

[looks over at Teal'c] Neck?

Teal'c

No.

Col. O'Neill

So Teal'c, how does one Goa'uld fire weapons from several directions?

Teal'c

Tacs.

Col. O'Neill

Tac'nik'tels?

Teal'c

Tacuchnatagamuntorons.

Teal'c

Tacs.

Col. O'Neill

Who are you?

Aris Boch

Aris Boch. Perhaps you've heard of me.

Col. O'Neill

Umm.. not I... Teal'c?

Teal'c

I have not.

Aris Boch

Well that's disappointing. I'm one of the galaxy's greatest bounty hunters.

Col. O'Neill

Not ringing a bell, sorry.

Aris Boch

Well I know you. Captain Samantha Carter. Dr Daniel Jackson. The Jaffa traitor Teal'c. And Colonel Jack O'Neill.

Col. O'Neill

Well, fancy that. We're famous.

Teal'c

This path is well travelled.

Dr. Jackson

This means the Stargate is still in use by someone.

Col. O'Neill

[Lifting his pinky to his mouth, remiscient of Dr. Evil] Or something...

Col. O'Neill

Do you read the Bible, Teal'c?

Teal'c

It is a significant part of your Western culture. Have you not read the Bible, O'Neill?

Col. O'Neill

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not all of it. Actually, I'm listening to it on tape. Don't tell me how it ends.

You came through the Stargate. This is a challenge!

Dr. Jackson

The Stargate?

Col. O'Neill

Oy.

[quietly, aside] The stargate, sir.

Stargate of course. We've been so long without challenges. [to Teal'c] I am sorry Master Jaffa. I have revealed myself. [he gives Teal'c his sidearm] You must execute me for the remainder of the day.

[hands his rifle to Jack] You must execute me as well.

Col. O'Neill

Master Teal'c. Might I suggest we...spare them this time?

Teal'c

Very well...underling.

Maj. Carter

Teal'c, what about these?

Teal'c

They are intar.

Col. O'Neill

Short for?

Teal'c

Intar.

Teal'c

This is Colonel O'Neill. He is much loved by Apophis. [To O'Neill] You may address the warriors.

Col. O'Neill

Apophis wanted me to tell you that you've all been doing a wonderful job. Couldn't ask for more. Well done. But, he also wanted me to tell you the whole…invasion of the Tau'ri idea has been canceled due to…rain.

The Tok'ra have reason to believe that Sokar is preparing to launch a massive attack against the System Lords.

Col. O'Neill

Isn't that good news?

Teal'c

The chaotic and feudal nature of the System Lords fragmented rule is a far more vulnerable target than that of one all powerful Goa'uld.

Especially if that Goa'uld is Sokar.

He's really that much worse than the others?

Dr. Jackson

Of all the gods he picked to impersonate, he chose The Devil.