Teal'c quotes from Stargate SG-1

Dr. Lam

What's going on?

Teal'c

Gerak has arrived to assist us.

Teal'c

Why do you hesitate, Gerak?

If I help you, I will die. But I will die free!

Ba'al

I admit we've certainly had our differences in the past, but you need to hear what I have to say.

Teal'c

I will not hear the words of a false god!

Ba'al

(normal voice) The whole god issue. Maybe we did take it a little too far, but can you blame us? We have you strength, vitality, long life... I know you don't quite see it that way, but no matter. It's all in the past now. (pauses) Come now, Teal'c. We're smart enough to know we're not actually gods, well, some of us are. Anyway, there are always those who begin to believe their own propaganda. I suppose all you need is enough people to worship you and then what's the difference? You're pretty much a god by definition, are you not? So is the case with the Ori. Granted, they do seem to have some very interesting powers to back up their claims. I've seen what happens those who resist. They are a formidable enemy.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

I have no intention of taking anyone on. I'm just going to pose as a buyer.

Dr. Jackson

You?

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Well, no offense, Jackson, but you do not strike me as the drug dealer type. In fact, you're not even close.

Dr. Jackson

[in disbelief] I think I'm as close as you are!

Lt. Colonel Carter

[to Mitchell] Come on! You're miles away.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Teal'c, which one of us is closer?

Teal'c

I believe the three of you to be equidistant.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

[gesturing toward Carter] Oh, please! Mary Poppins is not even in the running.

Lt. Colonel Carter

Hey!

General Landry

An eventful few days. Debrief in one hour.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

We have got the best jobs in the world, don't we?

Lt. Colonel Carter

I'm gonna hit the shower.

Dr. Jackson

I'm gonna find the doctor.

Teal'c

We are indeed suitably employed.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Hey look, I don't want to argue about this. I'm right, we'll leave it at that.

Dr. Jackson

[sarcastic] Compelling argument. Teal'c, what do you think?

Teal'c

I think I should have remained with the tour.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

When we get back, I'm going to help you find your own place.

Teal'c

That will be unnecessary.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Dude, what are friends for?

Teal'c

For listening when they are told that will be unnecessary.

Teal'c

You stated you had information of great importance.

Vala

I do, I do. And I'm getting there.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

We get the back story. Tomin is a nice guy, Seevis is a butthead. How about you skip ahead a little?

Vala

Okay. Tomin and I got married—

Lt. Colonel Carter

Whoa, married?

Vala

Stay with me. I had no choice. I told you, he was very devout, and there's no way he would have slept with me out of wedlock.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Okay, maybe we skipped ahead a little too far.

Vala

Well, I tried to lay it out in order...Ooh, that's a bad choice of words.

Teal'c

You have been impregnated, without copulation.

Vala

Yes! And I'm absolutely terrified - have any of you ever heard anything like it?

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

W-Well.. there is one.

Teal'c

Darth Vader.

Vala

Really? How did that turn out?

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Well, actually, I was thinking about King Arthur.

Dr. Jackson

This is interesting. It's a reference to Merlin's prophetic abilities. There's a similar myth on Earth. That Merlin could see the future because he actually aged backwards in time. It's not meant to be taken literally, but we have seen a lot of legends and folklore have a strong basis in fact -- Avalon, Atlantis.

Teal'c

The Easter bunny.

Dr. Jackson

I guess there's a few exceptions.

Teal'c

There never usually are rules in war.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Unfortunately right now, there is no war. In a war, you have two sides fighting. All we have is a lot of winning by the bad guys.

Teal'c

Perhaps we should rest.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

[starts to sit down, then stands up again] No...that's a bad idea. And I'm starting regret staying up late to watch Deuce Biglaow: European Gigolo last night. Check that, I regretted it almost immediately.

Ba'al

I understand your reluctance to trust me, so I'll be succinct. It's the clones. They want me dead.

Teal'c

That would make all of us.

Teal'c

It is ironic that not so long ago the mere presence of the Goa'uld on Earth would have been cause for great concern.

Lt. Colonel Carter

Seriously! Who'd ever think that we'd have bigger fish to fry? Or that you'd use the word "ironic" in a sentence?

Teal'c

A true warrior...[pause] knows when to fold them.

Lt. Colonel Carter

Really? I won? [laughs] I was totally bluffing!

Dr. Jackson

... who makes a movie out of a series that only lasted three episodes?

Teal'c

It allegedly performed well on DVD.