Teal'c quotes from Stargate SG-1

Col. O'Neill

The bottom line is, I can do more for this planet invisible than I ever could as my own sweet salient self.

Teal'c

I assume I am staring at you stoically.

Col. O'Neill

Not buying it, eh?

Teal'c

No. You are most transparent, O'Neill.

Col. O'Neill

Ohh! I get it. Good one.

Teal'c

I can see right through you.

Col. O'Neill

Donnnnnn't push it...

Lt. Col. Mitchell

[whispering to Carter] Fix it.

Dr. Jackson

Quickly.

Lt. Colonel Carter

I'm on it. [leaves]

Teal'c

Indeed.

Dr. Jackson

Hang on.

Martin Lloyd

What?

Dr. Jackson

One, that's Star Trek and two, it's ridiculous.

Martin Lloyd

What's wrong with it?

Lt. Col. Carter

"The singularity is about to explode?"

Martin Lloyd

Yes.

Lt. Col. Carter

Everything about the statement is wrong.

Dr. Jackson

And how exactly is weapons at maximum going to help the situation?

Martin Lloyd

The audience isn't going to know, but they love weapons at maximum.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Never underestimate your audience. They're usually sensitive, intelligent people, who will respond positively to quality entertainment.

Teal'c

I do not understand why everything in this script must inevitably explode.

Yo! Wonderbread! You got that address figured out?

Chill T! I'm like, translating as fast as I can!

I am so sick of being treated as an object to be worshiped! I am a real person with real feelings!

You know, I don't think Mitchell likes me anymore...

I'm pregnant.

Lt. Col. Carter

Uh-uh.

Dr. Jackson

No.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

[incredulous look] Nope.

Teal'c

[sullen silence]

Martin Lloyd

I need a latte...

Lt. Col. Mitchell

I'm pretty sure I have read all the reports recently.

Lt. Col. Carter

Actually you haven't read 30185.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

30185? ... What's that?

Dr. Jackson

We can't tell you.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

What do you mean you can't tell me? I have the highest security clearance known to mankind! What–what is 30185?

Lt. Col. Carter

We were sworn to secrecy.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well, why even mention it to me if you're not going to tell me what it is?

Lt. Col. Carter

Sorry.

Vala

Can you tell me?

Dr. Jackson

Oh yeah, we can tell you.

Lt. Col. Carter

Well, it has to do with the time that the gate sent us back to 1969.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well, that can't have anything to do with me, I wasn't born 'til a year later.

Dr. Jackson

Actually, it was nine months before he was born.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

What?

Lt. Col. Carter

You have to remember, it was the Sixties...

Dr. Jackson

C'mon, you have to have known that Jack's always taken an interest in your life.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Jack? ...O'Neill?

Teal'c

Indeed.

Lt. Col. Carter

Remember when you were chosen for the 302 program even though you didn't think you should get in? How about when you were chosen for SG-1?

Vala

[laughing] Wait. Are you saying that Jack O'Neill is...

Lt. Col. Mitchell

...my daddy?

Dr. Jackson

All starting to make sense now, isn't it?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Awww, I'm being Punk'd, aren't I?

When it comes to fighting crime, there's only one man keepin' the street safe, while keepin' it real.

Teal'c

In-deed.

Teal'c PI, coming this fall.

Martin Lloyd

I love it...

Martin Lloyd

...I'm just not sure the studio will...uh...

Martin Lloyd

Whoops, there's my phone... [he puts his phone to his ear] ...go for Marty... [he scurries off]

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Wow.. check this out. I'm no expert, but this looks important.

Teal'c

It appears to be a power generation chamber.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Exactly. Which has me thinking.. might be a good place to drop a little C4.

Ba’al

He's tiny. Tell him to squeeze through the bars.

Teal’c

Assist us, or I will squeeze you through these bars.

Dr. Jackson

I'm sorry, aren't you the one who knows the dragon's secret name? It's time to earn your keep.

Ba'al

Ah, yes. I may have exaggerated about that, slightly. Anyway, you didn't think that just by calling out its name, you'd suddenly be able to control it?

Dr. Jackson

I don't know. Name magic is common in most mythologies. To know something's secret name is to steal its power.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

So what are we supposed to do, start guessing?

Vala

Darrel, the dragon.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

How about Smokey?

Teal'c

Perhaps Puff?

Dr. Jackson

[annoyed]: Will you just give me a minute?

Ba’al

I told you, I could reprogram the dialing device.

Ba’al

His little trick with my vocal chords expired at the same time he did.

Teal'c

Yet another reason to mourn his passing.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Loud and clear, Teal'c. What's up?

Teal’c

Our time.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Jackson.

Dr. Jackson

Mitchell, what's going on?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well, we've got ourselves a bit of a John McClane here.

Dr. Jackson

Wha-what are you talking about?

Teal’c

[walking past Daniel] Die Hard.

Teal'c

In that case, there are some things you should know. The Ori do not ascend their followers. Arkad is a coward who will die by my hand. Also, I have planted an explosive device in your symbiote pouch. It is set to go off within a matter of moments. It is the same type that you used to kill twelve warriors, eighteen innocent bystanders, and two children who had gathered for a peaceful summit.

They were sinners all, who chose the path of evil.

Teal'c

[walking away] Ten seconds.

Where are you going?

Teal'c

I am leaving. You are about to explode.

Vala

Do you think the Ori Soldiers could find a way to get through the time dilation field and over here onto the ship?

Teal'c

No.

Vala

Because I’m hearing things all the time. Are you hearing things?

Teal'c

I am trying not to.

Vala

Maybe they found a way to ring over but they can’t figure out how to secretly shut down the time dilation field so they’re trying to drive us crazy to get us to shut it down ourselves.

Teal'c

No.

Vala

That wasn’t a question.

Teal'c

No.

General Landry

Dial it up, Walter.

Sgt. Harriman

Yes, sir. [starts dialing the Stargate] Chevron one encoded.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

That is how we're supposed to travel light-years across the galaxy to other planets. [points at the spinning Gate]

Sgt. Harriman

Chevron two encoded.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

[to Teal'c] You know, I'd like to imagine I handled myself well, but...I imagine I went a bit crazy cooped up on that ship for so long.

Sgt. Harriman

Chevron three encoded.

Dr. Jackson

You know, Teal'c did tell me some of the things I learned from the Asgard database.

Vala

He did? Like what?

Dr. Jackson

Oh, boy. What were they?

Sgt. Harriman

Chevron four encoded.

Dr. Jackson

Beggars can't be choosers. Better late than never. Look before you leap.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

The best things in life are free.

Vala

Let me guess, beauty is only skin deep?

Dr. Jackson

Silence is golden.

Sgt. Harriman

Chevron five encoded.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Jack of all trades, master of none.

Lt. Col. Carter

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Vala

Life is too short.

Sgt. Harriman

Chevron six encoded.

Teal'c

Good things come to those who wait.

Lt. Col. Carter

[to Teal'c] You know, as hard as it is for us not knowing, it must be torture for you not to tell us.

Teal'c

Indeed.

Sgt. Harriman

Chevron seven is locked.

General Landry

Good luck, SG-1.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Just another everyday mission to save the galaxy, sir.

Indeed.

General Landry

Godspeed.