A character in Stargate SG-1
Played by Michael Shanks
Stargate SG-1 · 1,358 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Stargate SG-1: in 433 of its 1,358 quotes
Most scenes with: Jack O'Neill (209), Samantha Carter (103), Teal'c (57)
[Jackson has requested to go back to a planet with an unstable political situation]
Regular contact, no exceptions. The second things start gettin' a little squirrelly—
Dr. Jackson[walking away] Thank you.
Daniel! Squirrelly!
Dr. JacksonHow's the fern? [Teal'c gestures to a very sad, withered fern on a shelf] I don't suppose you've tried talking to it, have you?
[Looking concerned] I have not.
[ranting to Daniel and Teal'c] They make you afraid of being alone but at the same time tell you not to settle for anything less than the perfect romantic ideal, like that actually exists anywhere in the real world. Either way, you can't win.
Dr. Jackson[to Sam, innocently] How's things?
Good. We were talking about Teal'c's friend, right?
Dr. JacksonI thought we were.
On Chulak, a dispute between a man and a woman that cannot be resolved necessitates a pledge break. It must be requested by one and granted by the other.
Dr. JacksonAnd if that doesn't work?
A weapon is required.
[As O'Neill and Jackson walk down the hall, Jackson finishes up a long, involved explanation of Jaffa-Goa'uld politics. O'Neill has a blank look on his face]
What was my question again?
Dr. JacksonUm, "how's it going?"
[absently] Seemed so innocuous at the time.
Dr. JacksonThey'll never see it coming.
Which is one of the advantages of a totally insane idea.
Dr. Jackson[innocently] Yeah, where'd I learn that from?
Dr. JacksonWait, you mean the Asgard took our gate?
Yeah, normally they ask nicely before they ignore us and do whatever they damn well want.
Dr. JacksonCome on, Jack!
Still no, Daniel.
Dr. JacksonBut it doesn't have to be on a permanent basis!
I didn't let you go in the first place. What makes you think I'm gonna change my mind?
Dr. JacksonBecause.
Can you try to do better than that?
Dr. JacksonBecause they're going to need somebody who can translate Ancient. I'm the most qualified person left on the planet for the mission.
Which is exactly why you're gonna stay right here.
Dr. Jackson[desperately] Because I'll quit!
Why don't you just hold your breath? You haven't done that in a while.
[Jack and Daniel are arguing over Daniel going to Atlantis and find General Hammond in Jack's chair in his office.]
General!
Jack. I let myself in, hope you don't mind.
Absolutely not! Welcome.
Thank you.
Miss the chair?
Actually I do.
Want it back?
As a matter of fact I do. My new one just isn't the same.
That's not exactly what I meant...
Doctor Jackson. Nice to see you again.
Daniel JacksonLikewise. We miss you around here, sir. [Jack gives him an angry stare] So, to what do we owe this pleasure?
I came to see if you were interested in joining the mission to Atlantis.
Gen. O'Neill & Daniel Jackson: You did?
He's the most qualified person on this planet, and the mission commander needs someone who can translate Ancient.
Daniel JacksonReally?
With all due respect, sir, I think you should tell the mission commander that I need Daniel right here.
You just did.
I did. I did? [pauses] You, sir?
Yes. Request denied. Doctor Jackson, you're with me. I'll have this chair shipped to Washington. You can requisition a new one.
I'll do that, sir.
We leave tomorrow. Oh, and I'll be taking Walter, too.
[Hammond leaves, while O'Neill wears the expression of one who has no idea what just happened]
[A Kull warrior has taken over the Prometheus, and has Jackson tied to the captain's chair.]
Dr. JacksonWhere's everybody else?
I transported them onto the al'kesh.
Dr. JacksonWell, you kept the wrong guy, 'cause I don't know anything about the ship.
But you are very attractive.
Dr. Jackson[coughs in shock] What?
[The warrior moves in front of Daniel and straddles his legs]
Dr. Jackson[trying to squirm away] Hey, you know, big guy, I'm flattered, really I am, it's just that, uh, you're not my type. And I'm more than a little disturbed that I might be yours.
[in pain] Oh, oh, oh, you hit me!
Dr. JacksonYou hit me.
Yeah, you know, we could just have sex instead.
[Vala wakes up in the Prometheus holding cell, dressed in SGC fatigues instead of her zat-resistant bodysuit]
Did you have fun taking off my clothes?
Dr. JacksonIt was your idea.
No, I meant while I was conscious. You know, so I could distract you and kick you in the head.
Dr. JacksonJack?
He's a barber.
Dr. JacksonBroke into your house?
Yeah...
Dr. JacksonSecond week in a row.
Mm-hmm.
Dr. JacksonAlarm.
I'm thinking "dog".
You could try locking your front door.
If General O'Neill had a stone as well shouldn't he've been able to see aspects of his life?
Dr. JacksonTheoretically, yes he should.
[we see flashes of Joe at a bowling alley. He rolls a strike]
...Thursday nights... Bowling League...
You saw that?
You've got game son.
Dr. JacksonWait a minute. Jack, you've been seeing parts of the life of a barber in Indiana for seven years, and you never mentioned it?
Yeah, sure I did. I know I did.
No, no, you didn't, sir.
I didn't?
Dr. JacksonYou didn't find it the least bit odd?
Actually no. I found it quite relaxing.
Dr. JacksonThe odds aren't exactly in our favor.
They never are, Daniel Jackson.
Jack O'NeillRichard Dean Anderson · 752 quotes
Samantha CarterAmanda Tapping · 349 quotes
Teal'cChristopher Judge · 180 quotes
Cameron MitchellBen Browder · 128 quotes
Vala Mal DoranClaudia Black · 90 quotes
George HammondDon S. Davis · 77 quotes
Jacob CarterCarmen Argenziano · 32 quotes
Bra'tacTony Amendola · 26 quotes
Hank LandryBeau Bridges · 25 quotes
Jonas QuinnCorin Nemec · 24 quotes
Martin LloydWillie Garson · 21 quotes
Ba'alCliff Simon · 17 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Stargate SG-1 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
