Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Teal'c

You are like a brother to me, O'Neill.

Col. O'Neill

You're like, what, 140?

Teal'c

A younger brother, perhaps. But that is not my point.

Col. O'Neill

All right Carter, come on, on your feet let's go.

Maj. Carter

I was wondering when you were going to show up.

Col. O'Neill

You just gonna sit there?

Maj. Carter

Too tired sir.

Col. O'Neill

Samantha, I'm a figment of your imagination. You're gonna call me Sir?

Maj. Carter

Old habit. Sorry.

Col. O'Neill

So, you gonna save yourself or what?

Maj. Carter

I've tried.

Col. O'Neill

Just giving up then?

Maj. Carter

I just don't know what else to do right now.

Col. O'Neill

You'll think of something.

Maj. Carter

Came to give me a pep talk?

Col. O'Neill

That's what friends are for.

Maj. Carter

Friends...

Col. O'Neill

Hey. This is you talking here. Might as well be honest.

Maj. Carter

What if I quit the Air Force? Would that change anything or is it just an excuse?

Col. O'Neill

I would never ask you to give up your career.

Maj. Carter

Because you don't feel anything for me?

Col. O'Neill

Carter...

Maj. Carter

I'd let you go right now if I knew.

Col. O'Neill

That easy?

Maj. Carter

I didn't say it would be easy.

Col. O'Neill

Then what's stopping you if you really wanna know?

Maj. Carter

I'm trying.

Col. O'Neill

Maybe it's not me that's the problem here. Let's face it, I'm not that complex.

Maj. Carter

Me?

Col. O'Neill

Sam. I'm a safe bet.

Maj. Carter

As long as I'm thinking about you, setting my sights on what I think is unobtainable, there's no chance of being hurt by someone else.

Col. O'Neill

Jacob was right. You deserve more. I will always be there for you, no matter what. Believe me.

Maj. Carter

So what now?

Col. O'Neill

Go save your ass.

Maj. Carter

One last thing... [Sam imagines them kissing.] Never mind.

Col. O'Neill

Hey.

Maj. Carter

Jack?

Col. O'Neill

[Shocked] Excuse me?

Maj. Carter

Sorry, Sir.

Col. O'Neill

Yes, well, a massive concussion will tend to disorient one.

Maj. Carter

How long was I out there?

Col. O'Neill

It's all relative Carter, that whole time space continuum thing.

Maj. Carter

Sir...

Col. O'Neill

Four days.

Maj. Carter

Could have sworn it was weeks.

Col. O'Neill

Teal'c and Daniel say 'Hi'. They're planning a little bit of a shindig for when you're up and around. There's talk of cake.

Maj. Carter

[Smiles] Cake?

Col. O'Neill

My idea!

Maj. Carter

Can't wait.

Col. O'Neill

Need anything? Magazine? Yo yo?

Maj. Carter

I'm fine.

Col. O'Neill

Yes you are.

Maj. Carter

Thank you Sir.

Col. O'Neill

For what?

Maj. Carter

... Nothing.

Col. O'Neill

Think nothing of it. I've got plenty of that.

Col. O'Neill

You folks are done.

I don't understand.

Col. O'Neill

Well, you see, we actually like the Medronans. They're nice people. And we've decided there's no way we'd subject them to the likes of you. [smiles innocently] Deal's off. You're toast.

Col. O'Neill

Daniel, their planet's going to explode!

Dr. Jackson

Jack.

Col. O'Neill

The whole damn planet!

Maj. Carter

Colonel!

Col. O'Neill

Carter.

Dr. Jackson

Coffee (Yawns)

Col. O'Neill

Humming?

Maj. Carter

I am?

Col. O'Neill

You are.

Maj. Carter

Sorry.

Col. O'Neill

What's his name?

Maj. Carter

Now, why would you…

Col. O'Neill

Humming.

Maj. Carter

Pete.

Col. O'Neill

Pete.

Maj. Carter

Pete Shanahan, he's a cop.

Col. O'Neill

Speeding again, are we?

Maj. Carter

From Denver, he's a friend of my brother's.

Col. O'Neill

Set up.

Maj. Carter

Pathetic, I know.

Col. O'Neill

No, it's great.

Maj. Carter

Really?

Col. O'Neill

Isn't it?

Maj. Carter

Well, it's not serious.

Col. O'Neill

And yet...it is...hum-worthy.

Maj. Carter

Sir...

Col. O'Neill

Carter, it's none of my business, I'm just happy you're happy about something other than...quarks. [Pauses] Not bad with the quarks, huh?

Maj. Carter

Oh, excellent.

Col. O'Neill

Bit uncomfortable, isn't it?

Maj. Carter

Yeah, a bit.

Col. O'Neill

Good luck.

Maj. Carter

Thank you, sir.

You're suggesting that Osiris is here on Earth manipulating Dr. Jackson's dreams?

Maj. Carter

We think it's possible, sir.

Col. O'Neill

Kinky.

Col. O'Neill. Hi. I'm—

Col. O'Neill

[walking right past him] I like vanilla over chocolate, my favorite color is peridot, I think Tibet should be free, and if I could have dinner with anyone in the world, it'd be Mary Steenburgen.

No-no, I'm just trying… Mary Steenburgen?

Col. O'Neill

I think she's nice.

You know, I'm going to get you on camera sooner or later, even if all I get is a series of shots of you avoiding being got.

Col. O'Neill

Fire away. I hope shots of my ass serve you well.

Maj. Carter

[Enters Col. O'Neill's private medical quarters] Sir, heard you were up and around.

Col. O'Neill

Yeah... argh... still a little tender but they said I could go home.

Maj. Carter

We're lucky that staff blast hit you where it did. That new vest inserts works well.

Col. O'Neill

Didn't help Fraiser much...

Maj. Carter

... No.

Col. O'Neill

[after a moments silence] How's Cassie?

Maj. Carter

She's a strong kid, she survives, you know...

Col. O'Neill

Yeah. You speaking at the memorial?

Maj. Carter

[nods] Sir... I... I just wanted to say... When you were lying there, I... [fights back tears] I'm really glad you're okay.

Col. O'Neill

[Walks over to her] C'mere. [He pulls her into a hug]

Col. O'Neill

No, no, no, wait. Don't hang up. I need a seven-letter word.

Dr. Jackson

I told Sam I wouldn't help you.

Col. O'Neill

Well then, this will be the one thing she doesn't know. "Up, Down, Charm"... Blank.

Dr. Jackson

"Strange."

Col. O'Neill

Yeah, well, thanks anyway.

Dr. Jackson

No, the word you're looking for is... [O'Neill hangs up]

Col. O'Neill

How long have you been standing there?

Dr. Jackson

You said half an hour an hour ago.

Maj. Carter

General Hammond is waiting for us.

Maj. Carter

The fate of the universe is hanging in the balance and you've been sitting in your truck finishing this?

Col. O'Neill

I believe the bet was double or nothing. [SG1 begins walking up the stairs towards the briefing room]

Maj. Carter

Okay, 23 across, "the atomic weight of boron." The answer is ten.

Col. O'Neill

So?

Maj. Carter

You wrote "fat."

Col. O'Neill

Your point?

Daniel Jackson

[Describing the particulars of the Ancient device] Except for it wasn't meant for a physiology as primitive as ours.

Col. O'Neill

Easy fella ...

Daniel Jackson

Sorry.

Col. O'Neill

[Sitting on the ground] You know we've searched this place up and down...

Daniel Jackson

I know.

Col. O'Neill

We could have Goa'uld on our collective asses any minute now...

Daniel Jackson

I know....According to the text on this column, it's inside.

Col. O'Neill

[Sarcastically] Inside you say. Well let me tell you my friend. There is no inside. There's just a whole lot of [Hands pointing out for dramatic effect] outside.

Maj. Carter

... It will overwhelm his nervous system, and the Colonel will....

Col. O'Neill

What? Meet my maker? Pay the piper? Reach the pearly gates? Start pushing up daisies here and there?

Colonel, you should be in the infirmary.

Col. O'Neill

Why? We all know exactly what's gonna happen. In a few days I start speaking some strange language. A few days after that I start doing things beyond my control, and a few days after that, it's goodnight my someone, goodnight. So with your permission sir I'd like to take the weekend to get some personal things together.

Maj. Carter

The last time, it did take a couple of days before we noticed any change in the Colonel's behavior.

Col. O'Neill

I'll be back on Monday ready to work.

Permission granted.

Col. O'Neill

Thank you sir. Now if you'll excuse me, my favorite television show starts in half an hour. [He walks away]