Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Col. O'Neill

I'm really bad at this.

Daniel Jackson

Yes, you are.

Col. O'Neill

You're not gonna take the fall for this. I don't care what's at stake.

Daniel Jackson

Why do you care?

Col. O'Neill

Because, despite the fact that you've been a terrific pain in the ass for the last five years, I may have... might have... uh, grown to admire you a little.... I think.

Daniel Jackson

[dryly] Now that's touching.

Col. O'Neill

[insistent] This will not be your last act on official record.

Daniel Jackson

I'm gonna miss you guys.

Col. O'Neill

Yeah, you too.

Daniel Jackson

Thank you. For everything.

Col. O'Neill

So, what? See you around?

Daniel Jackson

I don't know.

Col. O'Neill

Hey… where are you going?

Daniel Jackson

I don't know.

In fact, for nearly a thousand years, we have been physically incapable of achieving cell division through meiosis.

Col. O'Neill

Hmm?

Maj. Carter

Sexual reproduction, Sir.

Col. O'Neill

Ah. [To Heimdall, shocked] A thousand years?

It is not something we usually discuss with other races.

Col. O'Neill

This I understand.

Teal'c

...our chances of escape are negligible.

Col. O'Neill

Oh, I don't know. All we've gotta do is bust out of here, take out every Jaffa between here and the pel'tak, commandeer the ship and fly on home. [makes little flying motion with his hand] Fly on home...

Teal'c

[raises eyebrow] I stand corrected.

Teal'c

Perhaps we should take them all.

Col. O'Neill

Here's a thought.

Col. Checkov feels that as a symbol of our joint efforts, a Russian officer should be assigned to join SG-1.

Col. O'Neill

Over my rotting corpse, Sir.

[sternly] Colonel…

Col. O'Neill

[innocently] I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?

I said I would discuss it with you and that I was sure you would give it some careful thought.

Col. O'Neill

And that I will, General, but I'm still pretty sure I'll say, "Bite me."

Col. O'Neill

Hammond is insisting SG-1 needs a socio-political nerd to offset our overwhelming coolness.

Teal'c

Have you considered Jonas Quinn?

Col. O'Neill

Now I know you've been practicing, but I still can't tell… is that a joke?

Teal'c

He wishes to join the fight against the Goa'uld.

Col. O'Neill

He's an al --

Teal'c

[raises eyebrow]

Col. O'Neill

[embarrassed] -- lien.

Maj. Carter

Navigation?

Col. O'Neill

Check.

Maj. Carter

Oxygen pressure, temperature control?

Col. O'Neill

All Check.

Maj. Carter

Inertial dampeners?

Col. O'Neill

Cool! ...and check.

Maj. Carter

Engines?

Col. O'Neill

All check. Phasers?

Maj. Carter

(smiling) Sorry, sir.

Maj. Carter

Sir, the simulations we ran anticipated every conceivable scenario.

Col. O'Neill

You know, Carter, it's the inconceivable ones I'm concerned about.

Col. O'Neill

I thought you'd be down stairs working this thing out with all the other egg-heads.

Col. O'Neill

Not that you're an egg-head. [Pauses] OK, you are, actually, but in a good way.

Maj. Carter

I couldn't think down there. They all kept looking at me for the answer.

Col. O'Neill

Well, you do have a penchant for pulling brilliant ideas out of your butt.

Col. O'Neill

Head! Out of your head.

Maj. Carter

You have a habit of seeing things... [Hesitates]...in their simplest form.

Col. O'Neill

I'm gonna go eat some cake.

Maj. Carter

I think I'll join you.

Anubis

I am Anubis.

Maj. Carter

[to O'Neill] It looks like a hologram projection, sir.

Anubis

Humans of the Tau'ri. Your end of days finally approaches. There will be no mercy.

Col. O'Neill

[to Maj. Carter] Oh, come on. Who talks like that?

Maj. Carter

Sir, this is Asgard technology. He must have downloaded it from Thor.

Anubis

You will bow to my awesome power. There is nothing that can stop the destruction I bring upon you. Prepare to meet your doom.

Col. O'Neill

Oh, please.

Maj. Carter

They're still analyzing the flight data recorder, but it looks like a 605-3 error.

Forgive me?

Col. O'Neill

It's the one after 605-2, sir.

Maj. Carter

They're working on lightening the 302, but that's why you're going alone. Believe it or not, every pound counts.

Col. O'Neill

I shouldn't have had that cake.

Maj. Carter

I wish I could go with you Sir.

Col. O'Neill

Yes, I'm sure you do. [Stepping in the elevator] And I find that quite bizarre.