Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Urgo

Count me out. I don't want to do it. He's mean and boring and—and—and... mean.

Col. O'Neill

We're giving you a chance here. Him or death.

Urgo

No, I—

Col. O'Neill

Death or him.

Urgo

Oh dear.

Col. O'Neill

Well?

Urgo

I'm thinking.

Major Carter

The probe indicates a sustainable atmosphere. Temperature 78 degrees Fahrenheit. Barometric pressure is normal.

Dr. Jackson

No obvious signs of civilization.

Major Carter

P4X-884 looks like an untouched paradise, sir.

Teal'c

Appearances may be deceiving.

Col. O'Neill

One man's ceiling is another man's floor.

Dr. Jackson

A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.

Col. O'Neill

Never run with…scissors?

Col. O'Neill

Mmmm, mineral survey. My favorite.

Colonel.

Col. O'Neill

I know, General. It's all fun and games until someone breaks a nail.

Col. O'Neill

Au revoir, Mon General.

Teal'c

I am unfamiliar with that term, O'Neill.

Col. O'Neill

Au revoir. It's French. It means ciao. Ciao…means adios, auf Wiedersehen, sayonara, which all loosely translated means…

Col. O'Neill

Goodbye?

What happened?

Col. O'Neill

What happened?

That's what I just asked you. Will someone please tell me what's going on?

Major Carter

General...we just left.

You've been gone over 15 hours.

Maj. Carter

I'll make some more observations tonight, Sir.

Dr. Jackson

I'm gonna check the…geological record in the morning.

Col. O'Neill

I'll…make a wish.

How's the retirement going?

Col. O'Neill

Uh, great. I retire, I wake up, I retire… It's a living. [pause] I'm bored out of my skull, sir.

Col. O'Neill

I do appreciate that you were the one to come and see if I was okay. That... that means something.

Dr. Jackson

Ah... actually, no, it doesn't.

Col. O'Neill

No?

Dr. Jackson

Um... we, ah, we drew straws.

Dr. Jackson

I lost.

Dr. Jackson

Kind of crossing the line…

Col. O'Neill

Shut up, Daniel.

Colonel, you don't seem to understand how serious this matter is. You and your team have committed a court-martiable offense.

Col. O'Neill

To be fair, General, I did it. Carter and Daniel protested. And Teal'c…well he really didn't say anything but I could tell he was opposed to my actions by the way he cocked his head and sort of raised his eyebrow… [he demonstrates, raising his eyebrow]

Rigar

Let us talk about your friend in the woods.

Col. O'Neill

I have no friends. In the woods or otherwise.

Rigar

"Wormholes"?

Col. O'Neill

Giant worms. Huge.

Rigar

And how is this illusion of water created that I have heard described.

Dr. Jackson

Well you're right in that it is an illusion. It's not actually water.

Rigar

Then what is it?

Col. O'Neill

Magic.

Teal'c

Apophis must have transported off of Sokar's ship before it exploded.

Col. O'Neill

Son of a bitch! Somebody's got to teach that guy how to die.

Dr. Jackson

The monk is someone who has taken up curatorship.

Col. O'Neill

Kind of janitor?

Dr. Jackson

More of a guide.

Col. O'Neill

An usher?

Monk

I only know a snowflake cannot exist in a storm of fire.

Col. O'Neill

What?

Dr. Jackson

Jack.

Col. O'Neill

No, I…you know me, I'm a huge fan of subtlety, but that's downright encrypted.

Dr. Jackson

[to the monk] Sorry, don't worry about him.

Monk

The sun is warm, the wind is wild, the grass is green along the shores. Here no bull can hide.

Col. O'Neill

[to himself] I don't know about that.

Dr. Jackson

Jack, he's speaking in Zen Koans. Whatever theology he follows may be an original basis for Buddhism on Earth.

Col. O'Neill

Well that's very nice. I'll be sure to call the Dalai Lama when we get home.