Patrick quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the window. For years I've been dreaming of this moment. I'm gonna go in there, march straight to the manager, look at him straight in the eye, lay it on the line and... I can't do this! [starts to run home and Patrick stops him] Patrick!

Patrick

Where do you think you're going?

I was just-

Patrick

No, you're not. You're going to the Krusty Krab, and get that job!

I can't! Don't you see!? I'm not good enough!

Patrick

Whose first words were "May I take your order?"

Mine were.

Patrick

Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in woodshop?

I did.

Patrick

Who's a, uh, who's uh, oh... Who's a big yellow cube with holes?

I AM!

Patrick

Who's ready?

I'm ready!

Patrick

Who's ready?

I'm ready!

Patrick

Who's ready?!

I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!

[wiping graffiti off of the window of the restaurant as he notices SpongeBob running towards it] Oh no, SpongeBob. What could he possibly want?

I'm ready! I'm ready!

[runs inside and screams] Mr. Krabs! Hurry, Mr. Krabs, before it's too late, I gotta tell you about-

Permission to come aboard, Captain! [in French accent] I've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty Krew, [normal voice] and now I'm ready. So, uh, when do I start?

Well, boy, it looks like you don't even have your sea legs.

Mr. Krabs, please! I'll prove I'm fry cook material! Ask Squidward, he'll vouch for me.

No.

Well, boy, we'll give ya a test, and if ya pass, you'll be on the Krusty Krew. Go out and fetch me...a...uh, hydrodynamic spatula...with, um, port-and-starboard-attachments, and, uh...turbo drive. And don't come back til ya get one.

Aye aye, captain! One hydrodynamic spatula, with port-and-starboard attachments, turbo drive, coming right up, sir!

Carry on! We'll never see that lubber again.

You're terrible. A hydro-what?

[Squidward and Mr. Krabs laugh]

S1 Help Wanted

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That was the finest fast-foodsmanship I've ever seen, Mr. SquarePants. Welcome aboard.

B-but Mr. Krabs...

Three cheers for SpongeBob! Hip-hip!

Hooray, Mr.-

Hip-hip!

Hooray.

Hip-hip!

Hooray. Mr. Krabs-

[walking to his office with a wheelbarrow full of cash] I'll be in my quarters, countin' up the booty.

Patrick

Good morning, Krusty Krew!

What would you like to order, Patrick?

Patrick

One Krabby Patty, please.

[dozens of patties shoot out of the order window as the view cuts to the outside of the restaurant] What? Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs, come see your new employee!

S1 Help Wanted

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[As SpongeBob is constructing his bubblestand]

Can we lower the volume please? I can't work with all that racket going on!

Oh, sure thing, Squidward!

Yes. Mmm. Right. Mmm.

Okay...

[He slowly taps on a nail and looks at Squidward's house. For several seconds, SpongeBob continues to slowly hammer the nail every three seconds and glance back at Squidward's house on the pause]

[to himself] Now for some soothing sounds from Squidward's clarinet. Thank you, thank you. [plays his clarinet. SpongeBob proceeds to continue building his Bubblestand super fast, making a loud racket] I thought I... Huh.

Hey, Squidward! Wanna blow some bubbles? Only 25 cents.

Right, like I would spend a moment of my time blowing bubbles.

Uh-huh.

Oh, please. I mean who in the world would pay to blow bubbles?

Patrick

Good morning.

S1 Bubblestand

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Okay, Patrick. It's all in the technique. First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times. One, two, three. Then, pelvic thrust! Whoooo! Whooooooo! Stop on your right foot, don't forget it! Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring it around town. Then you do this, then this, and that, and this, and that, and this, and that, and then... [blows bubbles shaped like ducks, a cube, a caterpillar, and a tugboat. When the tugboat bubble pops, it makes a foghorn noise] And now with two hands! [blows a bubble shaped like an elephant]

Patrick

[Laughing] It's a giraffe. [continues laughing as the elephant bubble floats into Squidward's house]

[The bubble pops and tons of smaller bubbles come out of both windows of the house while the elephant trumpets. Squidward opens the door. SpongeBob and Patrick hide behind the bubblestand and SpongeBob places a closed sign on it]

Excuse me, sir, but we are closed.

Don’t give me any of that! How can you two make noise just blowing bubbles?!

We're not just blowing bubbles, we're making bubble art!

S1 Bubblestand

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Welcome home, Squidward!

PSPatrick Star

Merry Christmas!

We're going to make this your best day ever! Well, your best day's sure not going to be out there.

Patrick

How about some soup on your best day ever?

S1 Jellyfishing

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Patrick

Music isn't best either.

But what is best is what we saved for last. The one sure-fire thing to make your best day ever the best day ever.

[Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward in Jellyfish Fields]

SPSpongeBob and Patrick

Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing!

This is Jellyfish Fields, where wild jellyfish roam just waiting to be captured. No, no, Squid, over here. I know you're eager, but you don't even have your net. Patrick, fix him up while I find him a good specimen.

Patrick

Firmly grasp it in your hand. [puts the net on Squidward's bandaged hand and it falls. He picks it up] Firmly grasp it. [puts it on the Squidward's bandaged hand again and it falls again] FIRMLY GRASP IT!!! [stabs the net through Squidward's bandaged hand] That oughta do it.

S1 Jellyfishing

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[sings] ♪ Squidward is my best friend in the world... ♪ [plays the bassinet very badly] ♪ Squidward is my best friend in the sea... ♪ [the bow flies into a painting of Squidward. Squidward breaks the bow in half; singing and playing the bassinet like a guitar] ♪ Squidward- ♪

Patrick

[poking his head out the window] ♪ Likes Patrick more than SpongeBob. ♪ [Spongebob shuts the window in his face] Oh!

And Patrick is a DIRTY, STINKY, ROTTEN FRIEND STEALER!! [hits the bassinet against the floor and it breaks] Um, I can fix this. [Squidward growls and kicks him out] So, uh...I'll see you tomorrow, Squidward. Call me.

S1 Naughty Nautical Neighbors

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Mrs. Puff

You've shown the most spectacular improvement of any student I've ever seen. What's your secret? A little radio in your head? [she and SpongeBob laugh; cuts to Patrick at the pineapple also laughing] Oh, and under that hat is some kind of, uhh, antenna? [they laugh again] And some guy miles away from here is giving you all the answers? [the laughing sequence plays a third time] Oh, yes...But that would be cheating.

Patrick

Cheating! [laughs]

I'm cheating. Mrs. Puff.

Mrs. Puff

Yes, my star pupil?