SpongeBob[after making a Krabby patty] Look! a perfect patty.
Alright SpongeBob, Hand it over. [beat] well?
SpongeBob
[imagines how Squidward is really far away and how his shoelaces are snakes that will squeeze and keep him from moving. He snaps out of hallucination] Hey Squidward! I've got a idea! How about you come get it?
[sarcastically] Oh, gee, SpongeBob, that's a great idea. And maybe I should cook the patties, and do the dishes, and wear square pants, and live in a pineapple, while YOU wait in the unemployment line!
SpongeBob
No!
Then bring that patty here now!
What's the meaning of this, Mr. Squidward?
[gets upset, his eyes turn into steamboat whistles] SPONGEBOB, GET OUT HERE! [SpongeBob peeks out the door] More. [SpongeBob peeks out a little further] More! [SpongeBob stretches himself partially trough the door] All the way, boy! [SpongeBob snaps out of the door and falls too the ground] What be the matter, SpongeBob? I ought to make you walk the plank for this!
SpongeBob
I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs, it's just that I, I...
SpongeBob
I... I... I... I... I... I...
SpongeBob
I... I... I... I... I...
KKKr. Krabs
[shakes SpongeBob] Out with it, Boy! What is it?
SpongeBob
I forgot how to tie my shoes.
SpongeBob
So, you'll show me how?
[The camera zooms in to Mr. Krabs' feet, revealing he indeed doesn't wear shoes]
[SpongeBob is shown crawling into his pineapple]
SpongeBob
Not now, Gary.
SpongeBob
I'm not in the mood, Gary.
Meow. [the scene changes to SpongeBob's bedroom. Off-Screen] Meow.
SpongeBob
[crawls into bed] Just leave me and me untied shoes alone, Gary.
ROAR!!! [knocks SpongeBob off the bed and onto the floor]
SpongeBob
Okay, Gary, you have my attention.
Meow. [ties SpongeBob's shoes]
SpongeBob
[gasps] Gary! Well, I'll be! You can tie shoes! [Gary shows himself wearing shoes that look like old-style bowling shoes, under his shell] Hoppin' clams! How did you learn to do that?
[Gary's shell opens revealing a record. The song, Loop Dee Loop by Ween starts and SpongeBob starts dancing]
WWeen
♪Wanna learn how to tie your shoe? [the scene changes to show SpongeBob in a classroom wearing a teacher's outfit and on the chalkboard there are sketches of shoes] It's a very easy thing to do. [Gary appears on a stool. SpongeBob puts on his glasses and taps the board with his pointer] Just sit on down [Patrick appears in the desk next to SpongeBob] and I'll give you the scoop, [Patrick holds out an ice cream cone and SpongeBob gives him a tied shoe that looks like SpongeBob's shoe. Patrick looks surprised] What's that? [the scene changes to show the words "Loop Dee Loop" in shoelaces and SpongeBob pulls on two of the aglets] It's called the loop-dee-loop. [the scene changes to show SpongeBob's leg with an untied shoe] You gotta take a lace in each hand, [two SpongeBobs hold an aglet in one of each's hands goes up and past the screen. The scene changes again to show the SpongeBobs crossing each other's paths] You go over and under again. [the SpongeBobs come back around under the cross path that they made. The go upward and past the screen. They come back and pass each other's path one more time] You make a loop-dee-loop and [the scene changes to show a small SpongeBob tying the lace of a big SpongeBob's shoe] pull. And your shoes are [the Big SpongeBob is shown wearing a top hat and giant shoes. He takes his hat off and kicks the newly tied shoe. It flies off] lookin' cool. [the scene changes to show a SpongeBob multiplying into multiple SpongeBobs and follows the lyrics] You go over and back, left to right, Loop-dee-loop [the scene changes to show SpongeBob holding his laces while jumping] and you pull 'em tight, [the scene changes to show SpongeBob with a bunny toy] Like bunny ears [a present appears] or a Christmas bow, [the bunny toy becomes a bunny slipper and SpongeBob is seen wearing it and the present as shoes] Lace 'em up and you're ready to go. [SpongeBob runs out of the scene. The scene changes to show SpongeBob jumping off of a tight rope wire swing thing. He stops and spins around and then falls] You make a loop-dee-loop and pull, [the scene changes to show SpongeBob and Gary falling into a giant shoe that looks like SpongeBob's shoe] And your shoes are lookin' cool. [SpongeBob pulls on the laces and wings appear on both sides of the shoe and the shoe plane takes off. The scene changes to show the plane passing giant tied shoe laces. The shoe plane hits a roller coaster track and the wings fall off and it becomes a roller coaster car] You make a loop-dee-loop and pull, [the shoe falls off of the track and lands on the ground] And your shoes are lookin' cool.♪
[SpongeBob and Gary pop out of the shoe and the episode ends]
Ah, beautiful springtime, a time for fun and frolic for most, [the scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, zooming in and then right at the front door. Squidward is there] but not for this poor slob.
Oh, what a beautiful day, and here I am trapped in a prison of high cholesterol. [the bell dings] No one ever comes in on Sunday. [the bell dings again] Why can't Mr. Krabs just let us go home? [the bell dings again. Squidward gets angry and growling into SpongeBob. The scene changes to SpongeBob ringing a bell, set on the order window. Squidward runs up to SpongeBob] SpongeBob, stop ringing this bell. [picks it up and slams it on the bottom of the order window]
SpongeBob
I was just testing it.
[leans through the order window getting in SpongeBob's face] I will ring the bell when there's an order. But...There's no customers! There hasn't been one all day, and there isn't gonna be any! [struggles to pick up the cash register, but successfully does so and he slams it down making a bell noise]
SpongeBob
One Krabby Patty coming up!
[The register drawer shoots open, knocking Squidward out of the way. A bunch of coins fall onto the floor. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' office where Mr. Krabs is writing something on a sheet of paper and he stops to hear the money dropping.]
That sounds like me money dropping. [the scene changes to show the outside of the office and Squidward is picking up the coins; opens his office door] What's going on out here?! My babies! [runs up to Squidward and shoves him away] Get away, you barbarian! What have you done? Nice clean money... soiled! [scoops up the coins in his claws] I'll take care of ya. Let papa clean ya up. Clear the way! [runs into the kitchen and starts washing them off in the sink] No, no, no, don't cry, little ones.
SpongeBob
What's wrong, Mr. Krabs?
[gets startled and throws the dimes in the air. One dime rolls into the sink and starts to roll towards the sink drain] Me dime! [the dime rolls around the sink drain. Just as it seems like it's about to fall down the drain, it flips over facing away from the drain; gives a sigh of relief. Then the dime jumps, winks, and goes down the drain] No! [grabs the dime in the drain] I got it, boy! [his claw got stuck] What the? It's stuck! You gotta help me, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob
You've gotta let go of the dime.
I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy. There's got to be another way! Grab me captain's quarters and heave! [SpongeBob pulls on him from behind a couple times until he gets thrown back without his arms] Me arms!
SpongeBob
Oh no, not again!
[Mr. Krabs hits the wall, the impact causing the shelf above him to slant and drop a pot, a glass, a pan, a mug, a treasure chest, an anchor, a buoy, and a scuba suit on his head. A giant bump rises up on Mr. Krabs' head and then a dime falls on it, causing Mr. Krabs to fall over and black out]
SpongeBob
I can't believe this is really happening. [sits on the cash register box, then starts to tear up] Today, I start living!
Okay, now... say it. [SpongeBob hesitates] Say it.
SpongeBob
I can't.
SpongeBob, you're never going to feel better 'til you get this thing off your chest.
SpongeBob
[has a purple alien-like leech sucking on his chest] I know, Patrick. [pulls it off and throws it aside]
Say it. [SpongeBob still hesitates] Say it...
SpongeBob
I'm ugly.
SpongeBob
Square?
Is that what he calls it?
[As we cut back to the pineapple rooftop]
SpongeBob
[breathing heavily] That felt great! I feel empowered!
SpongeBob
I don't know. How about a movie?
SpongeBob
Patrick, is everything okay in here? [hears Patrick sobbing and opens a stall door, then sees him sitting on the toilet with a bag over his head] What are you doing in there, Patrick?
[resentfully] Wouldn't you like to know?
SpongeBob
And why is that bag on your head?
[sarcastically] Why? Oh, no reason. [angrily] Except you gave me the ugly! [whips the bag off. SpongeBob recoils and gasps as he walks out] What am I gonna do?! I can't go out looking like this!
SpongeBob
Just remember what we talked about; there's power in pride.
That may be fine for you, but I was one of the beautiful people. Now look at me! [his breath reaches SpongeBob, who smells it and makes a disgusted face] I'm almost as ugly as you!
I always thought if I was as ugly as that guy, I don't know what I'd do.
SpongeBob
Patrick...?
SpongeBob
[holding his nose] Patrick?
Oh, my gosh, if my sister finds out...
SpongeBob
Patrick?
...wait, I don't have a sister. If the bank...
SpongeBob
Patrick?
I mean it's one thing if you have bad shoes or even bad hair, but-
SpongeBob
[having had enough, he enlarges to stop Patrick's babbling] PATRICK! [shrinks back to normal] You're not ugly, your breath stinks. Really bad.
[sighs with relief, his stench in the shape of skull and crossbones] Ah, what a relief...
SpongeBob
[his eyes water from the foul smell] Ugh, barnacles, Patrick! What did you eat?!
Oh, some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...
SpongeBob
[holding his nose] No, I mean just this morning.
Some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...
SpongeBob
What else?
Well, I had some of your sundae.
SpongeBob
[realizing] Sundae... [whips out what's left of it] Patrick! My sundae gave us rancid breath!
SpongeBob
[coughs] I mean, we're not ugly! We just stink!
SpongeBob, what do you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?
The new name for our new look. I mean, "The Krusty Krab" has got to go. Who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? Bleh.
Well, sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place. Therefore, the name should be left alone. Right, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob
I got it! How about The Khaotic Krab?
How about The Kissy Krab? [smooches]
SpongeBob
[dressed as a king] The King Krab.
[holds up a lollipop] The Kandy Krab.
SpongeBob
[dressed like a beat poet] The Kool Krab. [dressed as a cowboy] Or the Kowboy Krab. [stretched out] The Kurly Krab. [dressed as a mad scientist] The Kreepy Krab. [dressed as a crazy killer jungle man] THE KILLER KRAB!!
SpongeBob
You're right, too scary.
[Pause]
SPSpongeBob and Pearl
The Kuddly Krab! [they both hug and laugh]
[A rainbow of colors fills the screen. Pearl, SpongeBob and an anguished Squidward stand outside the new restaurant. The sign for the restaurant is now a heart and a cutesy robot Krabs is waving his arms atop it. The restaurant outside itself is tie-dyed with colors and rainbows and the flags are now hearts. Balloons are hanging from the roof and giant lollipops come from the chimney. Pearl and SpongeBob, giggling, walk back in the restaurant. Squidward is so mad in fact that the two K's on his uniform catch on fire and he shakes the pole. The female fish and Fred drive by in a car]
It's a shame old man Krabs sold the Krusty Krab.
That's a darn shame. Hey, lady! Do you know where we can get something to eat around here?
THAT'S IT, I'LL QUIT!!! [rips off his uniform, revealing nothing under it. A police whistle is blown and the police fish comes over and writes him a ticket for indecent exposure and places it between his legs] Oops.
[Patrick showing SpongeBob his award]
SpongeBob
[reading award caption] "For outstanding achievement in achievement" - 'SpongeBob SquarePants'?
"SpongeBob SquarePants"? That's a funny way to spell my name.
SpongeBob
Uh, Patrick, I think the award is for me. You must have got it by mistake.
SpongeBob
Yeah, but, you know what else is shiny?
SpongeBob
Exactly!
I can find it! Is it in here?
SpongeBob
No, don't! That's my---- [Patrick opens the door and an enormous pile of trophies tumble out] award closet.
[tearing up] I want an award!
SpongeBob
[pops up with prized ribbons on his eyes] Aw, Patrick, don't cry.
[Patrick cries]
[The phone rings and Patrick picks up the receiver]
MCMale Caller 1
[on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?
No, this is Patrick. [hangs up and whistles; the phone rings again and picks it up again]
FCFemale Caller
[on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?
[annoyed] No, this is Patrick. [hangs up again and continues to whistle; the phone rings and he picks it up again]
MCMale Caller 2
[on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?
[yelling angrily] NO, THIS IS PATRICK!!! [slams phone back onto hook] I'm not a Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob
Uh, Patrick, that's the name of the restaurant.
I'm never going to get an award now.
SpongeBob
Don't give up, Patrick! This time I got something I know you can do. We're going to open a jar. [takes the lid off the jar] Easy! Now you try. First, get a jar.
[Patrick grabs a pickle]
SpongeBob
Patrick, that's a pickle.
Patrick Yes.
SpongeBob
You need a jar. [Patrick holds up a spatula] No. [Patrick takes off his shorts] No. [Patrick picks up SpongeBob] No. Try this. [gives Patrick a jar]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
[are at the grill frying patties. They both whistle to the tune of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", then stop, and they both wipe their foreheads] Whew!
SpongeBob
[drops his spatula; laughs] Dropped my spatula. [bends down to pick it up]
Uh, me too. [drops his spatula and bends down to pick it up]
[SpongeBob and Patrick bend back up and SpongeBob takes off his hat, then Patrick takes off his, they both put their hats back on, then they both put their hands on the grill; Patrick's hand burns after a few seconds]
SpongeBob
Aha! [shows the fake hand] You're copying me!
SpongeBob
Why are you doing that?
So I can win an award like you.
SpongeBob
Well, it's annoying, so stop it!
Stop it. [both imitate the others facial expressions]
SpongeBob
Say, you're good.
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Ha! Darn. [both look at each other with suspicion, while rubbing their chins. They later watch each other as they dance to "Mary had a Little Lamb"] Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as PICKLE FISH LIPS!!!!! [both cover their mouths] Seaweavel. [both cover their mouths again] Yorgyshmorgies. [both cover their mouths yet again]
SpongeBob
[in his head] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
[in his head; as SpongeBob realizes that he wasn't safe in his mind] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Aaaggghhh!
[SpongeBob and Patrick then run out of the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob
Stop copying me!
There's no award for that!
[leaning against the Krusty Krab sign pole, reading a newspaper, a Krusty Krab hat falls near him] Well, I guess it's safe to go in now. [puts his hat back on and walks back in]
SpongeBob
[he and Patrick are still running] Patrick, how long are you gonna keep this up?
Until I have as many awards as you.
SpongeBob
We'll see about that!
SpongeBob
[takes out a jump-rope] I'm the jump-rope champion of Bikini Bottom.
Me too. [takes out a jump-rope]
SpongeBob
Oh, yeah? I call this one: The Slice N' Dice. [crosses his arms and jump-ropes while Patrick tries to imitate but ties himself up with his rope] Ha! Not a scratch on me. [his body breaks down into pieces, which later hop away]
Oh, no, you don't! [squeezes the rope on himself breaking his body down into smaller pieces, then he and SpongeBob repeatedly hit their heads with a hammer]
SpongeBob
Not much fun being me, now, huh, Patrick?
Are you kidding? I used to do this way before I started copying you. '[SpongeBob stops hammering his head but Patrick does not notice. Patrick hits himself faster and too hard, he stops and gets dizzy...] Wheeeee-eeeeeyeeehhh-eeeeh. [...as trophies appear and spin around his head, tweeting like birds. He falls on the ground; SpongeBob laughs and runs into Patrick's rock painted as SpongeBob's house; SpongeBob gets angry and steam comes out of his head] My turn! [runs into the pineapple rock as SpongeBob quickly runs into his real house]
SpongeBob
Stick buddy! [the stick falls over] Nah. Rock buddy! Nope. Sink buddy! [a drip of water comes out of the sink] Almost.
Here, one of everything! No cheese, no crust, no pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce, and farm-raised tomatoes, carnival style! And if there is anything else I can do, please hesitate to ask.
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
