Tom Cruise quotes from South Park

Stan

Look, Mr. Cruise, I'm sorry I said you were a fudge packer and that semen on your back.

I just... can't do it anymore. I wanna go away! But there's nowhere on Earth that people aren't around to rip on me.

Kyle

Hey... Hey, we know a place! We know a place where everything is just happiness and joy. And no humans are there to mess it up.

Stan

We do? Oh Oh yeah, we do!

You... really? Somewhere where I can just, live out my days in peace and quiet and- Oh. [stands up] Oh please, can you show me where?

Stan

We'll do better than that. We'll help you get there.

A historic election, and all the votes are in. Except of course in the city of Fort Collins, Colorado. It's been several days now since Fort Collins was hacked. Everyone's e-mails and Internet history became accessible to the public after being targeted by the Danish Trolltrace program. According to our eye in the sky, their votes will not be tallied anytime soon.

It's complete bedlam inside the city limits, Chris. [traffic accidents at every intersection, a broken fire hydrant spewing a geyser of water, three giraffes running through the streets...] Since the city was hacked there have been murder, suicide, and complete lack of civility. We also understand that nearly everyone within Fort Collins who was married is now divorced. Back to you, Tom.

This barricade behind me was put up not only to make sure nobody goes into Fort Collins, but also to make sure nobody gets out, since there's no telling whose Internet histories they've seen

[at the top of the barricade] Please! [Tom glances at him and the camera zooms in] My wife is so pissed at me! [a bullet strikes him from the air and he falls to his death several stories down.] Guh!