Hi, you must be Sonny, I'm Chad.
(reading the script) Oh my gosh! You're Chad Dylan Cooper! Possibly the greatest actor of our generation! (stops reading) Are you kidding me with this?
Sonny, I'm giving you a chance here, okay? Just read the lines. Let's just jump to the part where Sonny punches my costar. AND ACTION!
I never punched your costar.
Are you kidding me? I'm so not a diva!
You know what? This is ridiculous. I'm out of here.
Good! And good luck trying to find a better me than me. Because nobody knows me the way that I know me. (opens the door and sees Selena Gomez)
(shocked) Oh my gosh! Selena Gomez!
Selena(smiles)
Can I get your autograph? Here, sign this lousy script.
Selena
(walks past Sonny) Hey Chad. I got your text. And yes, I'll play the part of Sonny.
Selena
Personally I think the character's kind of dull but I'll liven her up. (turns to Sonny) And you are?
The dull girl that you need to liven up.
(speaks through the megaphone) Awkward.
(walking to table with snacks with Selena following her) Can I help you?
Selena
No, no. Carry on.
Selena
(into tape recorder) Not a very good dancer.
What are you doing and why are you saying things about me into a recorder?
Selena
Well if I'm going to play you I want to play you honestly and realistically. (into tape recorder) Flat hair.
Selena
(into tape recorder) Defensive about hair.
Selena
Look, I'm sorry. It's just that I really like to get into my characters.
Oh, I know how you feel. One time I played a dog in a sketch. I got so into my character (laughs) I dug a hole in the backyard.
Selena
(laughs)
And then I ate my homework. Oh then I bit the mailman!
Selena
(laughs)
Well, if someone has to play me I'm glad it's Selena Gomez.
Selena
Aww, thank you.
If there's anything you want to know about me, just ask.
Selena
I just want to know...are you mad at me because I got the part and you didn't?
What? (high pitched) Girl, no. No.
Selena
(into tape recorder) Voice gets high when in denial.
(high pitched) I am not- (low pitched) I am not in denial. Look you don't know Chad. It's just...this is so typical of him. He just wants to push my buttons.
Selena
(into tape recorder) Has buttons.
Selena
Okay, now we're about to do the scene when you barge in the set of MacKenzie Falls. Now when this happened, do you remember how you felt?
Probably mad because I'm always mad when I have to go see Chad.
Selena
Right, but clearly you're mad at yourself because of how much you like him.
Right...WHAT?! I don't like Chad! (low pitched) I mean, I don't like Chad.
Selena
(shows Sonny the script) Sure you do. It's right here in the script.
What?! Give me that! (takes the script and reads it) All it says is, "Fine! Fine! Good! Good! Fine! Fine!"
Selena
It's not what the lines say. It's what's between the lines.
(scoffs) There is nothing between those lines. Trust me.
Selena
(holding her tape recorder)
(takes the tape recorder) Now hear this. I'm not in denial. Which, I know sounds like I'm in denial but I'm not. So.....we're good. (gives the tape recorder back)
(walks in and talks through megaphone) Okay people. Here we go. Chad Dylan Cooper: The Chad Dylan Cooper Story. Sonny Barges in Mackenzie Falls Set: Take 1. (to Selena) Ms. Gomez, on your mark if you please.
Selena
(gets ready to do the scene)
Thank you. (to Sonny in megaphone) No extras on set.
Okay people. I want to see real energy and real emotion. And ACTION! (gives his megaphone, scarf and beret to Bart and prepares for the scene) Look Portlyn, summer's almost over and once the falls come back to the Falls I need to be free. Shh. Time for talking is over.
Selena
(walks on set) What's the matter with you?!
What's the matter with me?! What's the matter with.....Wait those words didn't come out of your mouth.
Selena
You've got great legs Portlyn. Let's see how they move. (punches Portlyn and Portlyn falls on a chair)
What do you think you're doing? You can't just barge in here and interrupt Chad Dylan Cooper when he's in the middle of making MacKenzie Falls magic.
Selena
I think I made my point.
Selena
Good.
Selena
Fine. (jumps on Chad)
(shocked and takes the megaphone) Cut! Cut! Cut it out!
I can't believe you kissed Chad! Where in the script does it say that 'Sonny kisses Chad?'
Selena
It's not in the script. I told you, I wanted to play your character honestly.
(laughs) And you think that I would kiss him?
Selena
Yes I do.
Well, I would never kiss him.
Selena
In that scene?
No! Not anywhere! Not in a scene, not in a dream. Not in car. Not near, not far, not here, not there, not anywhere- I'm rhyming aren't I? See, I do that when I don't want to kiss someone.
Selena
Really, Sonny, really?
Selena
Huh, well that line is in the script. Page eighteen, twenty two and twice on thirty nine.
He does say that a lot. (both Sonny and Selena laugh)
Selena
Well maybe it's because he has the same issues as you do.
Wha-? Pfft! What are you? Some kind of expert on how people feel about each other? Some sort of relationship...wh-what's the word? [gasps] WIZARD! YES! You like to sprinkle your wizardy relationship dust over people who you think you know, but you don't! No, you don't! So you know what I say? I say good day wizard! [walks away then comes back] I say good day!
Selena
[into recorder] Thinks I'm actually a wizard.
(wearing a wizard costume) Abracadabra!
Selena
Oh what is this now?
Well how do you like me playing you? Look at me, I'm Selena Gomez! I'm the relationship wizard! I know everything! Edgbono eutusis!
Selena
Check it out! I'm Sonny from Wisconsin! I'm just an exploding ball of sunshine! Check it out! Check it out!
Look at me! I'm Selena! I went to acting school so I could learn how to do this! Cashmerious appearous! [waves invisible wand in Selena's face] Yeah! It's an invisible wand!
Selena
Well look at me! I'm Sonny and I'm ticking off the person who's playing me in a movie, and maybe I shouldn't because she can make me look really bad!
Well look at me, I'm Selena and, I'd never do that to Sonny girl!
(to Selena) Hey Selena. (looks at Sonny) Hey Scary Potter.
Don't mind me ladies. I'm just here to get a fresh beret and recharge my microphone. (switches berets and gets a new megaphone) [into megaphone] See ya on set. (leaves)
Selena
I don't know what you see in that guy.
Are you kidding me? I don't see anything in that guy and I wish you would stop insisting that I do.
Selena
Well if you think I'm playing it wrong then maybe you should just show me.
Selena
Fine, you're hired.
Selena
Good!
Selena
Fine!
Fine! Great! Now we're doing it! (leaves)
Selena
Oh.
Oh Sonny, try to stop yourself from falling in love with me, I beg you.
Selena
I'm just a small town girl with a big town dream, and meeting you was the biggest dream of all.
Okay, CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT!
Selena
It's okay Chad. She's helping me out.
Okay now Selena, remember your biggest dream is to be on So Random! Chad is just a monster who wakes you up! (glares at Chad) Oh and remember that you hate him! You just really, really hate him! [Chad glares at Sonny] Action. [walks off set]
Oh and one more thing! He is the worst actor of our generation!
BART![Bart comes out and gives Chad a megaphone] CUT! CUT! Stop the lying!
Selena
STOP! STOP BEING- STOP, JUST STOP IT!
Selena
Gosh I was wrong! You too should never be together!
Finally! I've been trying to tell her that all day!
You've been trying to tell her that? I've been trying to tell her that too!
Well I told her first. She thinks she some relationship wizard.
Yeah with her wizardly magic beans. Look if I want to like you [through megaphone] then I will.
Yeah and if I want to like you then [through megaphone] I will.
If I want to think you have pretty hair then I will.
And if I want to think you have sparkly eyes then I will.
[In Megaphone] Yes so take that Selena!
[In Megaphone] In your face Gomez! (bumps her fist with Chad's)
Selena
Wow. You guys got me. There's nothing going on around here at all! [Through megaphone] YOU TWO
Wait, wait! So you're leaving my movie?
Selena
Heh, I don't need this! I was in Camp Hiphop! [walks away]
Okay, bye Selena! It was nice working with you! Awww, she seems nice. I should call her.
Why? You're gonna become BFFs with Selena Gomez?
Pfft... It could happen! So... do you really think I have pretty hair?
I dunno... Do you really think I have sparkly eyes?
I dunno... Well one of them is.
So...you wanna be in my movie? I kind of need a Sonny.
Fine. I’ll set you up an audition. Nine o’clock?
(into the megaphone, quickly) Fine. You got the part.
Hey, hey. My movie's on. Aren't you going to watch it?
Shh, there's something better on.
TATV Announcer
We now return to Camp Hip-Hop starring Selena Gomez.
Selena
:[On TV] Hey, Mom. How do you know I can't dance? You gotta see my moves.
Selena
:[On TV] You've got to send me to Camp Hip-Hop. It's my dream.
Oh, this is better than my movie.
Sonny With a Chance · 279 quotes
