I can't believe I'm really here! Mom!
Ahhh! This is so exciting! All right. Come here. Now hold still. (rubs Sonny's face)
Mom! Stop it! Stop it! Cut it out! We don't need more sunblock. I'm inside.
Alright, I'm sorry. You know, it's not everyday I hand my beautiful daughter over to show business.
Look mom. We talked about this. Show business is not going to change me.
What? I do not. I'm the same girl I was back home in Wisconsin.
My head is the exact same size as-
(sees a large picture of herself) Whoa. I do have a big head. Cool!
MarshallAh! There she is! There's my new star!
Marshall
(shakes Sonny's hand) Please, it's Marshall. (shakes Connie's hand) Connie we're so thrilled to have Sonny join our family. Oh, and I promise you, she's in very good hands here.
Good. Because you know what we do to people in Wisconsin who make promises they can't keep.
Marshall
You make them into cheese. (laughs then stop) I can see where Sonny gets her sense of humor.
Actually I get it from my dad. She's not kidding. But she is hovering.
Alright. Alright. I can take a hint. Someone wants their mom to leave. Okay, come here. Before I go I know I have said this many times but-
Connie: No but yes.
Don't skateboard with a sucker in your mouth.
I am trying to tell you how proud I am of you. I just, couldn't be prouder... [rubbing Sonny's face]
You just put a little bit more sun block on me, didn't you?
Marshall
Well, here we are kiddo. This is the prop house.
Oh my gosh, this is so cool. I've read about this place. Wow, this is where the cast hangs out. This is the gnome from the gnome sketch. And, that's the sarcophagus for the mommy dearest sketch. [sighs] Wow. And, ah, that's a pink hat that I've never really seen before.
Marshall
Yep. One day, there'll be props in here from sketches you're in, maybe one of your hats. Anyway, just know as executive producer, I'm always here for you. [beep]
Iintercom
Marshall, your mother is on line four.
Marshall
Take a message.
Marshall
I gotta go. [walks away]
[walks to sarcophagus, opens it and sees Zora] Ahh!
Sorry, I didn't realize anyone was here. But, your Zora, and I'm Sonny. I'm new.
Ha. Obviously, otherwise, you would have knocked. Now, if you'll mind... (shut sarcophagus.)
Marshall
All right. Rehearsal for So You Think You Can Pee Pee Dance. In 5, 4, 3.
(wearing a blond wig) This is So You Think You Can Pee Pee Dance! Flo!
(comes out of a bathroom stall and dances awkwardly)
(comes out of another stall wearing a ballerina costume and dances)
(comes out of a stall and dances)
(wearing gangster clothes and dances)
What's up peeps? I know you're all flushed with excitement. Because we are streaming live across the world! The final votes have trickled in. We're about to find who will become number one at holding number one. Right after this (makes a hissing sound). So You Think You Can Pee Pee Dance is brought to you by water! (pours water in a cup)
Marshall
(claps) Great rehearsal guys. Now I need a pee pee break.
(sees Sonny putting "Eric" into a box) I knew I recognized you. You're Weird Beard. Why are you Weird Beard?
I don't know. Let's give it a shot.
Well, I sent myself a fan letter, pretended to be my own fan, and now I get to go out on stage and meet the fan I'm pretending to be.
Why would you write yourself a fan letter?
Because I lost faith in myself.
Oh. Classic case of actor insecurity. You start doubting your abilities, wondering whether you were good enough and whether you deserve to be on TV.
So you've been through this before?
No, no. No, but I made you think I had which is why I'll never go through it. Whew!
You are unbelievable! I knew it. You don't care. I thought we were having a real moment here.
Marshall
Now please welcome back to the stage the cast of So Random!
So what are you gonna do?
You don't care, remember? But I do. Now excuse me while I go out there and embarrass myself.
Marshall
All right. Places everyone! Places everyone! This is the final rehearsal for the Check It Out Girls sketch. And action!
So check it out. Yesterday I got a manicure. Check it out. (shows her fingers to Tawni)
Ooh! Check those out! Check you out!
Uh excuse me uh, could you check me out?
His vest? Check out his boots.
His boots? Check out his hair.
Uh, yeah I'm right here. I want you to check out my items alright?
(scoffs) Check out your items? Check out his attitude!
His attitude? Check out his breath.
You know what? Forget it! (leaves)
Excuse me? How about checking out my groceries?
Check out his tuna panini!
Alright drop the panini and give me all of your money! (points his finger in his jacket pocket)
Check out greedy panini guy.
Check out his finger in his jacket.
Check out my jacket! (takes out her jacket)
Oh my gosh! Check it out, I have the same jacket! (takes out her jacket)
I'm trying to rob ya here!
Check out Mr. Pushy's pants.
His pants? Check out Mr. Pushy's-
Check it out, he was kinda cute.
Check you out! He was a robber!
Right? Maybe he'll come back tomorrow.
Ooh! And then we could recheck him out!
You know what would make this easier? If you would stop saying "E-e-e-e-e-e-easy G."
Hey. You guys made a house of cards.
No you're saying it wrong. It's (says it dully) "Wow you guys made a house of cards."
It's not a house, it's a fortress.
Everybody! Into the fortress! (jumps on the fortress of cards)
(hides under a table) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
It's my first Los Angeles earthquake! Which is exciting and TERRIFYING! This is me screaming in terror! (screams) And this is me getting under the table which is what you're suppose to do! EARTHQUAKE!!!!!
Marshall
Calm down. Calm down everyone. It wasn't a quake. The studio is just doing some construction.
AHHH! CONSTRUCTION!!! just kidding just kidding
Finally! They're making some improvements around here. I guess somebody read the note I put in the demand box.
You mean the suggestion box?
Yes! They're building a weight room!
Even better! They're building a bait and tackle shop! Now I don't have to go downtown for my worms!
Marshall
Not even close. Anybody else wanna guess?
Marshall
Ahhh. Even warmer!
Okay if a guillotine is closer then I don't want to guess anymore.
Marshall
Okay okay! I'll tell ya! They're kicking you out of the prophouse!
Marshall
You see, I took a horrible situation and turned it into a fun little game!
No! You didn't! You took something horrible and took forever to tell it!
Marshall
You're right. Look I'll make this next part quick and I won't sing it to you like I planed,You have 24 hours to pack up your things and leave
Sonny With a Chance · 279 quotes
