Tawni quotes from Sonny With a Chance

Zora

Please tell me he's sleeping.

Sonny

Okay, he's sleeping.

Zora

DON'T LIE TO ME!!!

Tawni

What did you do?

Sonny

I don't know! It was going so well. I told him to sit and he sat. I told him roll over he rolled over. I told him to play dead HE DIED!

Grady

(feels Gassie's paws) You guys should feel this.

Tawni

Why is Gassie's head bigger then mine?

Sonny

Well, I'm not sure that it is.

Tawni

Bravo.

Sonny

(closes the painting and turns to Tawni)

Tawni

Well played. I can't believed you tricked me.

Sonny

Tawni, you don't understand.

Tawni

No, you don't understand. I can't believe you tricked me.

Sonny

(smiling nervously)

Tawni

I'm so proud! (hugs Sonny)

Sonny

And I thought you weren't a hugger.

Tawni

And I thought you were above manipulative to get a boy. Apparently it's opposite day!

Tawni

Aw. You have a song pillow?

Sonny

Yeah.

Tawni

Can I see it?

Sonny

No.

Tawni

(grabs one side of the pillow and pulls it) GIVE ME THE PILLOW!!!! I know you're in love with him!

Sonny

(pulling the other side) No I'm not!

Sonny

MY SONGS! (looking through her songs)

Tawni

(reading Sonny's songs) "Girl Plus Boy Equals Joy" "Girl Plus Boy Equals Soy" "Girl Plus Boy Equals Annoying"

Sonny

Annoying? I didn't write that.

Tawni

No I did. See that's how easy it is to make horrible songs.

Sonny

Look, I wrote those when I was pretty young. (picks up a sheet) This is the song I wanted to show him.

Tawni

(reads) "Me, Myself and Time." Let's hear it.

Sonny

What?

Tawni

You heard me.

Sonny

I don't really feel comfortable-

Tawni

SING!

Sonny

(smiles nervously and then sings) I can make the rain stop if I wanna just by my attitude.

Tawni

Huh. Not bad.

Sonny

Really?!

Tawni

Not the song. Using music to get a musician. Why didn't I think of that?

Sonny

(pulls the curtain and sees Tawni) Tawni?!

Tawni

You're right. I am a lying, self serving, song stealing phony! (confused) How did I get in this box?

Sonny

And besides, I'm more of a dabbler anyways. (in a British accent) Dabbler, dabbler, dabbler.

Tawni

If you won't sing it honey, I will.

Sonny

(thinks for a few seconds, covers Tawni with the curtain and goes onstage)

Ladies and gentlemen, singing her original song, "Me, Myself and Time", Sonny Munroe!

Nico

Wow.

Grady

Yeah.

Marshall

Who knew?

Tawni

She's great right?

Tawni

It's opposite day.

Tawni

(singing) I've never, ever been to public school.

Sonny

Oh no.

What is she doing?

Sonny

She's trying to tell us how miserable she is.

Tawni

I never thought that it would be this cruel.

By singing?

Sonny

Looks like it.

Nico

(singing) It's endless. We're friendless.

Grady

(walks in and sings) It's nothing but pain.

Sonny

Apparently the only high school these guys know is the musical one.

Zora

(singing) And no one in this dump knows our name.

Sonny

Alright Martha, give me a boost.

(helps Sonny up on a lunch table)

Sonny

(singing) I know you think that this is probably my fault.

Tawni

We do.

Sonny

The catty comments and the constant assault.

Grady

It's cool.

Sonny

I was here once and I'm still alive. So listen if you wanna survive (gets down) inside this-

High School Miserable.

Tawni

I never I thought I'd be invisible.

This High School Miserable.

Sonny

We got to keep being indivisible.

In this High School Miserable. Don't understand what's happening to me. In this High School Miserable. (stands on lunch tables) Someone get me back on T.V.

On the next Mackenzie Stalls, backed up passions overflow.

Sonny

I thought we were destined to be together. Now I can never forgive you. You left the toilet seat up!

Grady

It was a moment of weakness, but I'm not the only one with a secret shame.

Sonny

(gasps) You mean?

Grady

Yes! You forgot to flush.

Lack of hygiene leads to lack of trust.

Tawni

I can't hold it in anymore. Tell me the truth. Did you wash your hands?

Nico

Of course I did.

Tawni

Lies! (slaps Nico)

Nico

Ohhh!

And someone didn't read the writing on stall.

Sonny

You're not welcome here, Mackenzie.

Grady

Why? Because I'm richer than you?

Sonny

No, because this is the girls bathroom.

Grady

(gasps) WHY?!?!?!?!

Sonny

And you're zipper is open.

Grady

WHY?!?!?!?!?!

In a world flushed with drama, the number one show is now number two. Mackenzie Stalls.

Zora

Starring Chad Dylan Pooper.

Chad

(watching the sketch and becomes furious) Pooper?! Oh, it's on! Plunger! (catches a plunger thrown at him and walks away)

Sonny

I told you that if we made fun of Mackenzie Falls on our show they would get back at us.

Nico

I don't care. Doing that Mackenzie Stalls sketch was worth getting plunged in the head.

Grady

Look at me. I'm a toilet unicorn.

Sonny

Yeah, well at least you got the front half. (turns and there's a plunger on her butt)

Zora

You know what I think? Our humiliation calls for major retaliation. I'm talking glue,fire ants,and a sizzling fajita. Who's with me?

Tawni

Chicken or Steak?

Sonny

No. No more revenge. No more retaliation. No more fajitas.

Tawni

Ms. Bitterman, does hitting Sonny with a log count as a 'woodsy' activity?

Chad

And if we do it all together, does it count as bonding?

If you pick the log out together, yes.

Zora

Quick! Everybody agree on a log!

Sonny

(runs away)

Zora

Somebody wake Sonny!

Tawni

Good idea! If Candy Face gets Sonny then maybe he'll leave the rest of us alone!

(everyone pulls Sonny's sleeping bag but she's not there)

Zora

Sonny's gone!

Zora

Sonny! Sonny! We found her! She's over here!

Sonny

(lying on the ground)

Grady

(helping Sonny up with Nico) How's she looking?

Tawni

Terrible, so she must be okay.

Sonny

(watching the video on Zora's camera and sees herself sleep walking and destroying Senor Smoothie) I must have been sleepwalking. I must have been the one who broke the heater and Grady's GameGuy. Oooh and killed Senor Smoothie. I'm Candy Face. I'm Candy Face! I'm Candy Face! And I'm destroying the evidence. (throws the camera against a stump and breaks it)

Nico

What was that?!

Sonny

Ahhh! (throws the camera and her gloves on the ground) It's Candy Face!

Sonny

Candy Face! She- he- it broke your camera!

Zora

It's like the monster is deliberately destroying everything that's important to us!

Tawni

And yet he gently deposits you.

Chad

Let me guess, Candy Face... broke the camera. There's no evidence to prove it you guys are right. One of you is responsible for this and I'm pretty sure it's-

Sonny

No, no, no! (crying and hugs Chad) Chad, Chad, Chad! It happened right in front of me and it was so scary. The only thing I could think of was if only Chad Dylan Cooper, the greatest actor of our generation, was here to save us.

Chad

He is (holds Sonny) and he will.

Chloe

You believe her?

Chad

I believe that she's not a good enough actor to lie this convincingly.

Sonny

(nods)

I'm sorry I accused you guys of stealing my electric man scaping device.

Grady

I'm sorry I blamed you for the death of my Game Guy.

Nico

I'm sorry I tried to hit on you while I was blindfolded.

And I'm sorry you don't realize what league you're in.

Sonny

You see what's happening here? Trust. Which means our job here is done. So we can just take that trust, put it in a bottle, wrap a little bow around it, bring it back to the studio because together we can-

'Zora

KILL CANDY FACE!

Yeah!

Sonny

Or we can capture him and rehabilitate him.

NO!

Chad

Everybody in to the Mac Falls tent. We'll huddle there for safety tonight. Tomorrow, our first trust exercise is weapon building!

Whoo! (everyone goes inside the tent)

Zora

We're hunting monsters! (hugs) Sonny, this is the best retreat ever! (leaves)

Sonny

(shocked expression)

Chad

Well if it isn't the face of geezer hatred.

Sonny

*sighs* You heard?

Chad

We all saw it, didn't we kids?

Nico

Did you bring the kids here to boo us?

Chad

No, we came here to thank you.

Tawni

Really?

Chad

Yeah, because for just a minute their fear of clowns took a backseat to their grandparents tears. My grandma called me, told me not to watch the show, told her it was ok I already didn't.

Sonny

You know someday someones gonna expose you for the jerk you are [Pulls off Chad's hood and sees the hair curlers] OH MY GOSH!

Tawni

OH MY GOSH!

Chad

[Tries to cover his hair] OH MY GOSH!

Sonny

Hair curlers?

Chad

No. Girls wear curlers. These are my...Healthy hair rods.

(laughs)

Chad

Ha ha ha. My follicle consultant has me wearing them to keep my hair happy...and attached to my scalp.

Sonny

Your worried about losing you hair? But your seventeen.

Chad

Buddy was seventeen and before he knew it it was melon!

Sonny

Melon?

Chad

Melon I tell ya!

Tawni

Well guess what? We're going to lose the botch and take it up a notch.

Nico

I like working with you already! Grady never makes our plans rhyme.

Tawni

Oh I do it all the time.