Tawni quotes from Sonny With a Chance

Which is why, in the spirit of full disclosure--

I mean the only thing that you possibly do that would be a bigger betrayal would be if you were dating Chad!

Stop your killing me!

(nervously laughs along) Me too!

I know, it's hilarious...."Chad".

Tawni

So, what did you want to disclosure us about?

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The patient is critical. We need to get him into the operation room CHAD!

Tawni

(confused) Chad?

What? No. I said STAT. As in we need to get him into the operation room CHAD!

Mmmmm. You did it again.

Ummm. I don't think so.

(gets up from the gurney) I heard it too.

Even the dead guy heard it.

You know what? Okay this is ridiculous.

You people are hearing things.

(same time with Chad) I did not say Chad.

(same time with Sonny) I did not say Sonny.

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So what do you think was up with the slip of the tongue this morning?

(getting food but not looking at Sonny) They're watching.

(getting food too but not looking at Chad) Yeah. I know. Act natural.

Good call. Just follow my lead.

Okay.

What say you good woman? Were these freshly picked this fine morn?

I said act natural not Amish. This is silly. Why don't we just tell people that we have a date tonight?

Bad idea. You know how much our two shows hate each other. If they find out we're going on a date they'll think it's okay for them and then- (shakes his head)

Tawni

You don't think those guys like each other, do you?

Maybe. I mean look at them trying to act all discreet.

Well, I happen to be a keen reader of lips. So whatever they're trying to say, they might as well say it to me.

So Chad...

No, Brad.

what's the plan?

Well I'm getting us a limo-

Apparently he's getting a pillow.

to take us-

Two steaks plus.

at 8:00-

He ate a sock.

to a nice dinner.

and a rice thinner.

Tawni

Read my lips.

[turns to Tawni]

Tawni

You're a dope.

"Europe's pope."

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It is a sad day when a young woman can't try on twelve or thirteen outfits without being accused of going on a date! You should be ashamed of yourselves! (waves her finger) Shame on you! (Grady raises his hand) Yes Grady?

So in the risk of further shame, will you be joining us for pizza night? Because you're in charge of the coupons.

No I won't be joining you.

Tawni

Ah ha!

Not because I have a date or anything. Because I'll be helping my mother who has a sprained ankle from doing things with that foot that she should not have been doing.

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(puts the book down and smiles) You believe in me Tawni.

Tawni

Those better be the first words in that book.

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The bomb! This book is the bomb!

Tawni

And from the looks of it, it looks like you're almost finished. (smiles)

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AAudience

(counting down)

VVicky

(begins to run)

Tawni

(stops Vicky) Going somewhere, Penelope?

VVicky

I don't know what you're talking about.

Tawni

Oh, you're face may say Vicky but your ugly pilot shoes say Penelope. (pulls Vicky's face but it's revealed to be a mask and reveals Penelope)

Penelope? This is like a bad episode of Mackenzie Falls.

(looks at Sonny)

Or a good one.

Tawni figured it out?! Two thousand dollars and three days of my life for nothing! I don't deserve this coat! (takes off her coat)

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Tawni

Who was that woman?

Amber

(comes back in) It's Maya Baboodi! Maya Baboo.....di! (leaves)

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Chad, it's over.

(crying) (to Tawni) You said she'd be gentle.

Tawni

(gives Sonny a list)

Ooh! Crier! (marks it on the list)

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Tawni

WHAT did you do!?

[In a daze] I wrote on the wall with crayons, Mommy.

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(dressed up like Tawni) Check out my Halloween costume! I went as you!

Tawni

(dressed up like Sonny) Check it out! I went as you!

STSonny and Tawni

Check it out, we went as each other!

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AAnnouncer

Are you ready to get So Random?

AAnnouncer

Remember all those great songs from summer camp?

TNTawni and Nico

Sure!

AAnnouncer

Well, what about the ones you haven't heard of?

TNTawni and Nico

Haven't heard them!

AAnnouncer

Yes, it's Counselor Jenny (Sonny) and Dan Dan the Guitar Man (Grady) singing the songs that got them fired from over 100 camps. Truly awful songs like "Counselor Spread a Rumor".

(singing) Gather around the campfire spark and hear how Ben's afraid of the dark.

(playing the guitar and singing) He cries at night when the lights go out. He weeps like a baby, he screams and shouts.

SGSonny and Grady

Everyone points when they see him go by. That's the reason he's shy.

AAnnouncer

And that's not all. You'll also get heartless classics like "Your Homesick (But Your Parents Don't Care)".

You cry because your homesick at night.

Yes you do!

You think your parents miss you. You're not right.

You're dead wrong!

GSGrady and Sonny

Your mom and dad are clapping. They don't have to hear your yapping.

And yes they said...

GSGrady and Sonny

Not to call!

AAnnouncer

And the insensitive hits keep on coming!

(singing) A kid got wedgied by the lake last year. The lake last year, the lake last year. A kid got wedgied by the lake last year and now his undies are hanging from a flagpole. (looks menacingly at the the kids)

AAnnouncer

Yes, it's 24 songs, sung by two terrible people!

GSGrady and Sonny

Order now!

(frowns) Or else.

TNTawni and Nico

We will! (reaches for the phone)

No you won't!

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Tawni

(is mad and staring at her lipstick)

(walks in and singing) A kid got wedgied by the lake last year-

Tawni

(turns to Sonny) What did you do?!

The machine gave me an extra granola bar! What was I suppose to do?! Put it back?

Tawni

I don't care about that.

Good, cause I didn't.

Tawni

Well you used my lipstick.

No, I didn't. Trust me, the only thing touching these lips is this granola bar. Followed shortly by this granola bar. (shows Tawni another granola bar)

Tawni

Well if you didn't use my Cocoa Moco Cocoa then who did?

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So Zora, who was that cute boy you were flirting with?

I wasn't flirting.

Then why'd you flick a pea at him?