Chad quotes from Sonny With a Chance

Hey Chad. Did you hear about my Walk-a-Thon for books?

Chad

Oh yes, we did. And I have to say Sonny, you are very inspiring.

Well, we have so much. It's important that we give back.

Chad

(laughs) Aah no, I meant you inspired me to have a Walk-a-Thon against your Walk-a-Thon.

(Pauses to look at the flyer Chad handed to her) A Walk-a-thon against books? How could you be against books?

Chad

That's easy. The more you read, the less you watch MacKenzie Falls.

That's your cause, To get people to watch more TV?

Chad

Are you not listening? It's to get them to read less. I'll see you at the Walk-a-Thon to read less books. (turns and turns back around) I've got something to tell you Sonny. We're gonna raise more money than you.

For what?

Chad

To not buy books.

That doesn't even make sense!

Chad

Aah. Guess all that reading you're doing isn't making you any smarter now, is it? See ya.

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Chad

We're gonna look hotter than you at the Walk-a-Thon.

(laughs) Giving back is what's hot!

Chad

That's what people who don't look hot say.

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NRNews Reporter

Chad, can I get a comment?

Chad

Well-(screams) We win, suck-ahh!(falls down)

NRNews Reporter

Oh no! MacKenzie Falls is down too! What is happening?!

SPS is happening.

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Chad

Sonny! Sonny, come here! I need to tell you something, in case I don't make it.

Okay.

Chad

I love...

Yes?

Chad

I mean I deeply love..

Go on!

Chad

...that more kids are reading less books because of Chad Dylan Cooper!

(lets go of Chad's hand and touches his forehead) Oh no! I think you're coming down with P.F.S. too!

Chad

What's that!?

(picks up pillow) Pillow in the Face Syndrome! (hits Chad with pillow)

DDoctor

Ms. Monroe!

Yeah, just fluffing Doc! (throws pillow at Chad and walks over to the doctor)

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Chad

Give it to me straight, doc! I can take it.

DDoctor

You have L.B.S.

Chad

(gasps) Leading Boy Syndrome?!

DDoctor

No. Lack of Book Syndrome! Also known as Lazy Butt Syndrome! LBS is also the abbreviation of pounds, (starts poking Chad), which is what you are going to gain if you don't stop watching yourself on T.V.

Chad

Can't you just cut my pants off? You know how you do?

DDoctor

Read two books, then call me in the morning, Mr. Cooper. (hands Chad a prescription)

Chad

(Looks at prescription) Actually it's Dylan Cooper.

DDoctor

Not anymore, I removed your Dylan while you were under.

Chad

NO! What did you do to it?!

DDoctor

I gave it to someone who wouldn't waste it! (Opens curtains to reveal Grady)

DDoctor

Good afternoon, Mr. Grady Dylan Mitchell.

Just got my Dylan. I've been waiting for 2 years!

Chad

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (cries) WHY?!

(Chad wakes up)

Chad

I must have fallen asleep reading. Stupid books. That was horrible! (closes book)

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I didn't come here to argue I came here to give Gassie some dog time. Beneath the trees and on grass...

Chad

Except the grass is plastic and the trees are cardboard because[through the bull-horn]THIS IS A SET.

Good then what Gassie is doing to that bush over there won't kill it.

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Chad

Chad Dylan Cooper fears nothing.

Spiders.

Chad

Not little ones.

Heights.

Chad

Not low ones.

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Chad

Bangs and Fangs, We all get bitten by vampires and get awesome hair.

Is your show written by monkeys?

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AAnnouncer

On the next Mackenzie Stalls, backed up passions overflow.

I thought we were destined to be together. Now I can never forgive you. You left the toilet seat up!

It was a moment of weakness, but I'm not the only one with a secret shame.

(gasps) You mean?

Yes! You forgot to flush.

AAnnouncer

Lack of hygiene leads to lack of trust.

I can't hold it in anymore. Tell me the truth. Did you wash your hands?

Of course I did.

Lies! (slaps Nico)

Ohhh!

AAnnouncer

And someone didn't read the writing on stall.

You're not welcome here, Mackenzie.

Why? Because I'm richer than you?

No, because this is the girls bathroom.

(gasps) WHY?!?!?!?!

And you're zipper is open.

WHY?!?!?!?!?!

AAnnouncer

In a world flushed with drama, the number one show is now number two. Mackenzie Stalls.

Starring Chad Dylan Pooper.

Chad

(watching the sketch and becomes furious) Pooper?! Oh, it's on! Plunger! (catches a plunger thrown at him and walks away)

I told you that if we made fun of Mackenzie Falls on our show they would get back at us.

I don't care. Doing that Mackenzie Stalls sketch was worth getting plunged in the head.

Look at me. I'm a toilet unicorn.

Yeah, well at least you got the front half. (turns and there's a plunger on her butt)

You know what I think? Our humiliation calls for major retaliation. I'm talking glue,fire ants,and a sizzling fajita. Who's with me?

Chicken or Steak?

No. No more revenge. No more retaliation. No more fajitas.

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Ms. Bitterman, does hitting Sonny with a log count as a 'woodsy' activity?

Chad

And if we do it all together, does it count as bonding?

BMs.Bitterman

If you pick the log out together, yes.

Quick! Everybody agree on a log!

(runs away)

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Chad

Have you guys been breathing in too much bug spray? It looks like a wolf in a hoodie. Your Candy Face could be... anything?

Even Candy Face.

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Chad

If you’ll excuse me, it’s time to say buenos noches to señor smoothie.(walks away)

Chad, watch out! There's a snake!

Chad

I'm not falling for it!

[screams like a girl]

There... really was a snake.

He has got to learn how to trust.

[Chad screams again]

And scream like a dude!

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(watching the video on Zora's camera and sees herself sleep walking and destroying Senor Smoothie) I must have been sleepwalking. I must have been the one who broke the heater and Grady's GameGuy. Oooh and killed Senor Smoothie. I'm Candy Face. I'm Candy Face! I'm Candy Face! And I'm destroying the evidence. (throws the camera against a stump and breaks it)

What was that?!

Ahhh! (throws the camera and her gloves on the ground) It's Candy Face!

Candy Face! She- he- it broke your camera!

It's like the monster is deliberately destroying everything that's important to us!

And yet he gently deposits you.

Chad

Let me guess, Candy Face... broke the camera. There's no evidence to prove it you guys are right. One of you is responsible for this and I'm pretty sure it's-

No, no, no! (crying and hugs Chad) Chad, Chad, Chad! It happened right in front of me and it was so scary. The only thing I could think of was if only Chad Dylan Cooper, the greatest actor of our generation, was here to save us.

Chad

He is (holds Sonny) and he will.

Chloe

You believe her?

Chad

I believe that she's not a good enough actor to lie this convincingly.

(nods)

DDevon

I'm sorry I accused you guys of stealing my electric man scaping device.

I'm sorry I blamed you for the death of my Game Guy.

I'm sorry I tried to hit on you while I was blindfolded.

PPenelope

And I'm sorry you don't realize what league you're in.

You see what's happening here? Trust. Which means our job here is done. So we can just take that trust, put it in a bottle, wrap a little bow around it, bring it back to the studio because together we can-

'Zora

KILL CANDY FACE!

SRSo Random and Mackenzie Falls cast

Yeah!