Chad quotes from Sonny With a Chance

Chad what is all this and I should've known you were behind it.Why are you all dressed up like a paper boy?

Chad

I'm casting a TV movie about my life. "Chad Dylan Cooper: the Chad Dylan Cooper's story, Chad Dylan Cooper production.

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Chad

Hi, you must be Sonny, I'm Chad.

(reading the script) Oh my gosh! You're Chad Dylan Cooper! Possibly the greatest actor of our generation! (stops reading) Are you kidding me with this?

Chad

Sonny, I'm giving you a chance here, okay? Just read the lines. Let's just jump to the part where Sonny punches my costar. AND ACTION!

I never punched your costar.

Chad

(singsong) Diva!

Are you kidding me? I'm so not a diva!

Chad

Really, Sonny? Really?

You know what? This is ridiculous. I'm out of here.

Chad

Fine!

Fine!

Chad

Good!

Good! And good luck trying to find a better me than me. Because nobody knows me the way that I know me. (opens the door and sees Selena Gomez)

(shocked) Oh my gosh! Selena Gomez!

(smiles)

Can I get your autograph? Here, sign this lousy script.

(walks past Sonny) Hey Chad. I got your text. And yes, I'll play the part of Sonny.

(shocked) What?!

Personally I think the character's kind of dull but I'll liven her up. (turns to Sonny) And you are?

The dull girl that you need to liven up.

Chad

(speaks through the megaphone) Awkward.

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Okay, now we're about to do the scene when you barge in the set of MacKenzie Falls. Now when this happened, do you remember how you felt?

Probably mad because I'm always mad when I have to go see Chad.

Right, but clearly you're mad at yourself because of how much you like him.

Right...WHAT?! I don't like Chad! (low pitched) I mean, I don't like Chad.

(shows Sonny the script) Sure you do. It's right here in the script.

What?! Give me that! (takes the script and reads it) All it says is, "Fine! Fine! Good! Good! Fine! Fine!"

It's not what the lines say. It's what's between the lines.

(scoffs) There is nothing between those lines. Trust me.

(holding her tape recorder)

(takes the tape recorder) Now hear this. I'm not in denial. Which, I know sounds like I'm in denial but I'm not. So.....we're good. (gives the tape recorder back)

Chad

(walks in and talks through megaphone) Okay people. Here we go. Chad Dylan Cooper: The Chad Dylan Cooper Story. Sonny Barges in Mackenzie Falls Set: Take 1. (to Selena) Ms. Gomez, on your mark if you please.

(gets ready to do the scene)

Chad

Thank you. (to Sonny in megaphone) No extras on set.

(leaves the set)

Chad

Okay people. I want to see real energy and real emotion. And ACTION! (gives his megaphone, scarf and beret to Bart and prepares for the scene) Look Portlyn, summer's almost over and once the falls come back to the Falls I need to be free. Shh. Time for talking is over.

(walks on set) What's the matter with you?!

Chad

What's the matter with me?! What's the matter with.....Wait those words didn't come out of your mouth.

You've got great legs Portlyn. Let's see how they move. (punches Portlyn and Portlyn falls on a chair)

Hey! I never punched-

BBart

(to Sonny) Shhhh!

Chad

What do you think you're doing? You can't just barge in here and interrupt Chad Dylan Cooper when he's in the middle of making MacKenzie Falls magic.

I think I made my point.

Chad

Good.

Good.

Chad

Fine.

Fine. (jumps on Chad)

Chad

Goo-. Whoa.

(shocked and takes the megaphone) Cut! Cut! Cut it out!

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(wearing a wizard costume) Abracadabra!

Oh what is this now?

Well how do you like me playing you? Look at me, I'm Selena Gomez! I'm the relationship wizard! I know everything! Edgbono eutusis!

Check it out! I'm Sonny from Wisconsin! I'm just an exploding ball of sunshine! Check it out! Check it out!

Look at me! I'm Selena! I went to acting school so I could learn how to do this! Cashmerious appearous! [waves invisible wand in Selena's face] Yeah! It's an invisible wand!

Well look at me! I'm Sonny and I'm ticking off the person who's playing me in a movie, and maybe I shouldn't because she can make me look really bad!

Well look at me, I'm Selena and, I'd never do that to Sonny girl!

Chad

(to Selena) Hey Selena. (looks at Sonny) Hey Scary Potter.

(frowns)

Chad

Don't mind me ladies. I'm just here to get a fresh beret and recharge my microphone. (switches berets and gets a new megaphone) [into megaphone] See ya on set. (leaves)

I don't know what you see in that guy.

Are you kidding me? I don't see anything in that guy and I wish you would stop insisting that I do.

Well if you think I'm playing it wrong then maybe you should just show me.

Fine, I will.

Fine, you're hired.

Fine!

Good!

Good!

Fine!

Fine! Great! Now we're doing it! (leaves)

Oh.

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Chad

Oh Sonny, try to stop yourself from falling in love with me, I beg you.

[rolls her eyes]

I'm just a small town girl with a big town dream, and meeting you was the biggest dream of all.

Okay, CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT!

Chad

Again! Really?

It's okay Chad. She's helping me out.

Okay now Selena, remember your biggest dream is to be on So Random! Chad is just a monster who wakes you up! (glares at Chad) Oh and remember that you hate him! You just really, really hate him! [Chad glares at Sonny] Action. [walks off set]

Chad

Sonny-

Oh and one more thing! He is the worst actor of our generation!

Chad

BART![Bart comes out and gives Chad a megaphone] CUT! CUT! Stop the lying!

You stop the lying!

Chad

You stop the lying!

STOP! STOP BEING- STOP, JUST STOP IT!

Gosh I was wrong! You too should never be together!

Finally! I've been trying to tell her that all day!

Chad

You've been trying to tell her that? I've been trying to tell her that too!

Well I told her first. She thinks she some relationship wizard.

Chad

Yeah with her wizardly magic beans. Look if I want to like you [through megaphone] then I will.

Yeah and if I want to like you then [through megaphone] I will.

Chad

If I want to think you have pretty hair then I will.

And if I want to think you have sparkly eyes then I will.

Chad

[In Megaphone] Yes so take that Selena!

[In Megaphone] In your face Gomez! (bumps her fist with Chad's)

Wow. You guys got me. There's nothing going on around here at all! [Through megaphone] YOU TWO

Chad

Wait, wait! So you're leaving my movie?

Heh, I don't need this! I was in Camp Hiphop! [walks away]

Okay, bye Selena! It was nice working with you! Awww, she seems nice. I should call her.

Chad

Why? You're gonna become BFFs with Selena Gomez?

Pfft... It could happen! So... do you really think I have pretty hair?

Chad

I dunno... Do you really think I have sparkly eyes?

I dunno... Well one of them is.

Chad

So...you wanna be in my movie? I kind of need a Sonny.

Fine.

Chad

Fine.

Good.

Chad

Good.

Fine.

Chad

Fine. I’ll set you up an audition. Nine o’clock?

Really, Chad? Really?

Chad

(into the megaphone, quickly) Fine. You got the part.

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Chad

Hey, hey. My movie's on. Aren't you going to watch it?

Shh, there's something better on.

TATV Announcer

We now return to Camp Hip-Hop starring Selena Gomez.

:[On TV] Hey, Mom. How do you know I can't dance? You gotta see my moves.

:[On TV] You've got to send me to Camp Hip-Hop. It's my dream.

Chad

Oh, this is better than my movie.

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Chad

Hey Sonny what's the dilly?

The 'dilly' is Nico and Grady are stuck in a net. Everyone says they're in cahoots. You win; I'm tired with this paranoia. Just prank me and get it over with.

Chad

Sorry, Sonny I'm already doing a prank. It's called Tawni's fake audition. It was actually inspired by your audition. I guess that makes you Chad's little helper.

I'm Fashonita! That was perfect.

Chad

(laughing) Thanks for the idea Sonny.

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Chad

Maple syrup? Really? Maple syrup?

Chad, I'm sorry after you did something nice just to be nice..

Chad

I know! Syruped and feathered my friend, but don't worry. I'm planning on returning the favor.

With some flowers?

Chad

With a prank? And whatever I'm doing now is gonna be a hundred times worse than I planned to do before.

What did you plan to do before?

Chad

Well whatever it was, it was hundred times less worse than what I'm gonna do to you now!

Stop scaring us with math!

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Chad.

Chad.

Chad.

Chad

Randoms.

Chad?!

Chad?!

Chad?!

Chad

(confused) Randoms.

CHAD!

CHAD.

Cha-

Chad

OK please, not again.

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(on phone) Chad can we discuss this like real people? Really? He said he's on his way back.

Chad

(bursts in on forklift)

CCast

(screams)&(Hides)

Chad

So what do you wanna discuss?

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Oh. It's a picture...of you.

Chad

Yeah but look how its signed.

'To my biggest fan: I'm sorry T.V.'s Chad Dylan Cooper' Aww. I'm touched! That's so sweet Chad! What did you get for Nico and Grady?

Chad

Oh that's easy. I let them take a ride on the forklift.

You did WHAT on the WHO NOW?

oh man, This ain't MacKenzie Falls.

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Chad

(pointing to a magazine with Sonny and Hayden kissing on the cover) Who is this guy?!

The love of my life!

Chad

(voice high)THEN WHY IS SHE KISSING HIM?!

I DON'T KNOW!

I told you it was the kiss cam!

Sonny...

IT WAS THE KISS CAM!

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(Sonny drops her phone into the sink and Tawni turns on the garbage disposal, causing Sonny's phone to dial Chad.)

Chad

(answering phone) Let me hear you say HEEEEEEEYYYYY!

(on phone) No! That's my phone! (the garbage disposal can be heard in the background)

Chad

Sonny...Sonny?

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Chad

Freeze!

Don't touch my purse!

HHayden

Chad Dylan Cooper! This is awesome. What are you doing here?

Chad

I got a weird call from Sonny's cell. I heard screaming and crushing metal, so I cut my massage to an hour and rushed right over!

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Uh, you got some Chad on your shirt.

Chad

Oh thanks! (Sonny nods) Bib me!

(flirtatiously) So...Chad! (giggles) I-I need a favor.

Chad

You mean (takes out tickets) these?

Thanks Chad! (reaches for tickets)

Chad

Ah. (moves tickets out of Sonny's reach)Not so fast. I have these tickets because?

(smiles) You're the star of Mackenzie Falls, the number one tween show.

Chad

Oh! That's worth one! (hands her one) (Sonny nods)

and.. you have the best tasting sandwich in the whole cafeteria!

Chad

(fake gasps) Here's number two. (gives her the second ticket) You wanna go for three?

Can't.

Chad

Oooh, say it!

I won't. (Chad waves ticket is Sonny's face)

Chad

Say it.

(muffled) You're..the greatest actor of our gener-ation....

Chad

(hands her the third ticket) Enjoy the game. (Sonny smiles at him)