Chad quotes from Sonny With a Chance

Wow! (Sonny reads a card) "Hi teapot." Ow. "It was nice meeting you. Any chances we can go out tonight? Your bad boy, James." You know, maybe he's not such a jerk after all.

Oh right. Maybe I'm ugly. Use your brain!

Look, I appreciate the warning, but maybe your friend and James didn't have chemistry.

Chad? What do you want Chad?

It's James.

[To Tawni] It's James.

Hang up.

Hey James. How's it going? I loved the flowers! They're so beautiful.

It was my pleasure.

Chad

Dude, is that my phone?

Oh, yeah it is. Thanks. (To Sonny) I gotta make this fast. Do you wanna go out tonight?

Tonight?

No no no.

I'd love to.

Cool.

Cool.

Bye.

Bye.

You hang up first.

No you hang up.

I'll hang up!

Fine, don't listen to me. But when you're heart is broken into a milion pieces and spread all over the floor, just remember. Tawni Hart doesn't vacuem.

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Where's your idiot friend?

Chad

Bart! [Bart comes out]

Not that idiot. James. Yeah, the one who's going out with Sonny tonight.

Chad

I'm sorry, what?

James, Sonny, date, tonight.

Chad

Date? Sonny? Tonight? James?

So where is he?

Chad

Right now he's breaking into the first bank of MacKenzie Falls. [sirens go]

[Off camera] Give me all your money!

What is your show even about?

Chad

Oh, this week's our Christmas episode. Yeah, in the end he realizes he had a wonderful life.

Look, just tell James to back off of Sonny.

Chad

Why do you want him to back off Sonny?

Why are you wearing a bib?

Chad

Jealous?

I have my own bib!

Chad

Not of the bib, of Sonny! What...?

No. I'm trying to protect her. Why do you want him to back off Sonny?

Chad

I... never said I did.

Oh, your lips say I don't care, but your eyes say I do care! So, you just tell your friend to back off from Tawni Hart! ...Well not back off from me, back off from me, Tawni Hart!

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So, what looks good?

You.

Sorry I'm late!

Tawni?

Tawni?

James. So, what did I missed?

An invitation. What are you doing here?

I like chicken fingers and skiball.

Chad

Uh, sorry I'm late. What did I missed?

Tawni likes chicken fingers and skiball! What are you doing here?

Chad

Came to hang out with my bro? (looks at Tawnie) So what are you doing here?

What are YOU doing here?

(to Sonny) What are they doing here?

What are we still doing here?

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Do you really think I would kiss you?

Chad

Well that's what I'm gonna put on my blog. (Rolls across arcade floor) Peace out suckas! Blahaa!

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JCJames Conroy

[Tawni and Sonny are fighting about James] Oh, she is so cute when she's angry!

Chad

Sonny's always cute. She can't do anything without it being cute. Stupid cute!

No dude! I'm talking about TAWNI!

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Chad

So...are you having fun on your date?

I was! Until it was rudely interrupted! (referring to Chad)

Chad

I know! Tawni's a piece of work right?

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Chad

(Chad's voicemail) Hey you've reached Chad Dylan Cooper. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now, because if you were important enough, you'd have the number to my phone I answer!

Let's go get some ice-cream

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Chad

(scared) Oh Daddy?

Daddy, there's your funny little punchline! Boy is he gonna be mad at you for yelling at his daughter!

CMr. Condor

Sonny, you brought my precious angel to a Hollywood club?

Chad

Looks like he's mad at you.

CMr. Condor

Oh no, he's mad at you too!

Actually Mr. Condor, it's a really funny story!

Chad

Trust me it's really not that funny.

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Chad

Whoa, watch it.

Chad? Oh my gosh what happened? (refers to Chad's black eye)

Chad

Oh, I just got in a huge fight over at the Falls.

(nods) They don't like you either?

Chad

Funny. No we were shooting a scene. I know it's hard to believe I can look this good when I look this bad huh? (Sonny looks down) Normally that would've charmed you. What's up with you?

Nothing, I'm just a little bummed. I missed my prom back home and I just got some pictures from my best friend.

Chad

Oh pshht. You're not missing much! I've been to a bunch of proms and they have all ended in disaster.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Chad

Yeah, episode 10, my hair caught on fire. Last year's season finale, my date turns out to be my long lost sister...

What? Chad those are fake proms.

Chad

Fake proms, real proms they all stink.

No they don't! They're romantic! You know a girl dreams her whole life about going to the prom and sharing that perfect dance with a very special guy.

Chad

And then he gets hit in the head by a faulty disco ball, episode 16!

You know what Chad? you wouldn't know real romance if it punched you in the face. In fact you wouldn't know a real punch in the face if it punched you in the face, because there is nothing real about you.

Chad

Well here's something real for you, I really don't wanna stand here and talk to you.

Good! Cause I really don't wanna stand here and talk to you!

Chad

Good!

Good!

Chad

Good! (Sonny and Chad turn and walk different directions) (Chads phone rings) Hello?

Good!

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Chad

Hello (Sonny on the phone)

Good!

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(Chad on the phone) Good!

Chad

Good!

Good!

Chad

Good!

Good and goodbye!

(to the cast) Chad says "hi".

What did he really say?

Well, he said that all proms stink! They don't stink. You guys know that. (The cast looks confused) Oh my gosh, you don't know that! You've never been to a prom?

I've been working since my first diaper commercial.

Zora

I'm eleven.

I was on the road doing my one man show.

Grady

"NICO".

Well, we're gonna change all that. Because I'm thinking we can have our own prom!

Grady

You mean a prom sketch?

No. Like a real prom. Dancing and twinkling lights and a really cool theme!

Girls.

That's not a theme, Nico.

I know. I was just thinking about girls.

And I'm thinking we have a really cool theme! Something fantastice, something magical, something we've all dreamed about.

"Tawni Town"!

(Chad on the phone) Hello.

Chad

Good.

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Well, Chad, you were right. All proms end in disaster.

Chad

Do they Sonny? Do they really? 'Cause sometimes I heard, you get to have that perfect dance, with that one special person. [takes out headphones] You're just going to have to settle for me.

[Chad and Sonny start dancing]

[giggles] This is sweet!

Chad

I have my moments.

You gonna press play?

Chad

Oh right, sorry!

You had to ask Marshall.

Zora

Always gotta do everything by the book.

Oh yeah? Is that what you think? (the cast waves "yes") Is that what you all think? (The cast says "yes") Well, I, just checked out a new book. And it's called "We're having a secret prom= by Sonny Munroe!

Are you suggesting...

That's right. A secret prom.

A secret prom?

A secret prom?

A secret prom?

A secr...

Ok, I think we've said it enough times.

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Chad

Oh, hey Sonny.

Sorry Chad, can't talk, I'm in a hurry.

Chad

Oh right, right that whole secret prom, [Sonny turns around] They're not that much of a secret when every kid on the lot is walking around with fliers that read 'Secret Prom!'

Aren't you excited? I'm even excited about how excited I am!

Chad

Yeah, we're not really feeling that over at the Falls...mostly we just think it's dumb?

Well, if you think it's so dumb, then maybe you and your little snobby friends at Mackenzie Falls shouldn't come.

Chad

Well maybe we won't.

Good! 'Cause your officially uninvited.

Chad

Good 'Cause we officially wouldn't have come anyway.

You're only saying that cause I just uninvited you.

Chad

You only uninvited me because I just said I didn't wanna come.

Are we done here?

Chad

Oh we're beyond done.

Good!

Chad

Good!

Good!

Chad

Good!

So we're good?

Chad

Oh we're so good.

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Chad

Then you and me are going to have to go to Lookout Mountain.

I'm not going to Lookout Mountain with you. That's a date place.

Chad

Do you want them broken up?

Yes.

Chad

Pick you up at eight. (winks at Sonny)

(smiles)

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How is this suppose to break up Bitterman and Marshall?

Chad

It's all in the script.

What script?!

Chad

(takes out Mackenzie falls script) Episode 319 of Mackenzie Falls! Bigfoot gets the girl, it's a classic!

(takes script away from Chad) Oh my gosh! This is your plan? This isn't real! This is a show!

Chad

Sonny, sometimes life imitates art! Okay? And this piece of art happens to be about a couple who takes a drive up Lookout Mountain for a romantic evening...

Yeah, and then Bigfoot comes out the woods and scares them!

Chad

Yeah, and the guy gets so freaked out, he runs away.

And that gets the girl to break up with him...

Chad

Exactly!