[Kevin and Veronica are waiting in a walk-in clinic]
You know I used a condom.
...
CPClinic physician
What seems to be the problem?
V, that's a little harsh! He slept with a bunch of girls, and I want to make sure he doesn't any nasty diseases.
CPClinic physician
How many sexual partners have you had in the last 12 months?
What, you want names? 'Cause I didn't catch many names.
CPClinic physician
Just a number will do.
Well, yeah, you'd be surprised how many coeds want it up the butt. Think it preserves their virginity. They call it "the poop-hole loophole".
It's a really big school, V. Ballpark? More than X, less than Y? Is that math? I really wasn't--
CPClinic physician
How about best guess?
[Inhales deeply] Uh... [exhales deeply and counting off on both hands] 22, 23, give or take 5 or 6.
I was the rape-walker! I had lots of opportunities!
Hey, you can pay for all this, right?
So I'm not gonna have to sneak out the back window, like when I was little?
Really? I don't remember that.
Frank, uh, broke open the bathroom window. I tried to climb out. I ripped my pants on the glass.
[Monica laughs]
CRCosta Rica bartender
[Referring to Bianca] Your daughter is very beautiful!
CRCosta Rica bartender
Your daughter!
[Frank goes up to the bartender] Do you know where I can buy a gun?
CRCosta Rica bartender
What kind of gun?
CRCosta Rica bartender
Pistol? Shotgun? Semiautomatic? Assault rifle? Machine gun?
CRCosta Rica bartender
[Jabs thumb over shoulder] Do you see the skinny Brazilian with the Neymar jersey? He is your man.
Could you stop doing that, please?
Acting all knowing about my husband.
You don't have to rub my nose in it, Mother.
You never ever let a good-earning, good-looking, good-in-the-sheets man like your Kev off a leash, unless you're ready for him to run wild in the neighborhood sniffing after every bitch he sees.
I didn't know that he was gonna round up half of Delta Delta Sluta for a dip-the-stick marathon.
A thirsty man coming out the desert is bound to take a drink.
A man only has one kind of camel to ride for many years. That camel run off, he gonna try to take a few other rides out for a spin before he decides which one he's gonna drive off the lot.
That was, like, 15 different insulting metaphors all mashed up into one incredibly nasty sentence.
So your man likes lemons? Make yourself some lemonade.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Dress up like a little girl, if that's what he likes now. Go to one of those, uh... Forever 15 stores in the mall, buy yourself some of those cheap little-girl college clothes. Make your man happy.
[A pickup drops off Monica and Lip off at some farm]
Home. Oh, God! He's back! He's here!
[Monica calls out to Walter and a shirtless man with heavy tattoos around Ian's age appears and walks to them and Monica hugs him in embrace]
This is my son. Walter, this is my son Ian. Ian, this is the fantastic, fabulous, incredible Walter!
[On the phone] Hey. Yeah. You wanted-- Uh, honestly? Yeah, I'm sick of this shit. Yeah. I know. You know what it feels like to me? Like the same thing, like I-I'm just hearing you say the same thing over and over again, so... I- I- I don't need-- Yeah, okay. Yeah, let-- yes. Bye. [Under breath] Jesus Christ.
Who were you talking to? You want to talk about it? We could grab a cup of coffee.
And why would I want to do that?
'Cause we're friends. Figured you might need someone to talk to.
Of course we are. [Scoffs and turns around and walks away]
Muff still threatening arson?
...
I can go heat it up in the lounge microwave.
No, no, it's cool. I like it cold.
Another trip to the cougar cage?
No, no. The, uh, physics lab. My, uh, phonon spectra of crystals project is due Friday.
Does she make you happy, or is it just about the sex?
Is she better at it than I am?
No, just, um...more practice, I guess.
She do stuff that I should probably know how to do? Anything you'd like to teach me? [Lip ignores her] Cold pizza sucks. I'm gonna go warm this up. [She leaves the room and then eventually Lip silently leaves the room, leaving the dorm door open]
[Fiona walks into Debbie's bedroom with Derek who promptly leaves]
What are you doing coming into my room without knocking?
We weren't doing anything.
Well, why is Derek in his underwear?
My dad would kill me, okay? I'll see you at school tomorrow. Sorry, Miss Gallagher. Don't embarrass me like that.
You can't have a boy in your bed!
No you're not. No you're not.
Derek's mom got pregnant when she was six months older than me, and they've been together 20 years.
What are you talking about?!
I love him, and we're gonna get married, and we're gonna have a lot of babies, and we're gonna be happy!
Oh, for fuck's sake, Deb!
Why won't you ever let me be happy?!
Ian's off his meds. He ran away with our batshit-crazy mother. Carl's doing time in juvie, and now Deb wants to be a contestant on "Teenage Mom."
GGus
Is she really pregnant?
Could I possibly be doing a worse job of raising these kids?
GGus
Liam isn't smoking crack.
Thanks for coming over, I'm just having a complete meltdown
...
Never had any complaints.
GGus
You probably shouldn't be reminding your husband of how many men have tried out your mattress.
It's my body, my decision.
You're just a kid if you're willing to make a decision that could ruin the rest of your life with a boy you barely know.
You married a guy you barely even know!
Oh, or do you still love Jimmy or maybe Sean or some other cute guy you run into on the street?
Okay, okay. Hey. Don't do this. Please. Don't have a baby. It's a mistake.
I know who I love, and I know what I want... even if you don't.
[Veronica debuts her school girl costume to Kevin in the bedroom]
Mm. Isn't this what you like?
[Laughs] No. Yes. I mean, what's the right answer?
Is this what they wore-- those slutty coeds you nailed?
Oh. No. I mean, I don't-- sort of, I guess. I mean, they wore a bunch of different kinds of things. They wore skirts and sweatpants, most of 'em. They wore jeans with those torn knees and--
[Veronica gets annoyed and starts hitting Kevin]
[She leaves the bedroom and Kevin follows her to console her]
I don't want you to dress like anybody else. I want you to dress like you-- Veronica clothes.
Babies, Kev-- you better go and hold 'em. I know that's where you want to be, so you better go before they die!
No, I want to be here with you.
We'll go do it together, okay? Oh, shit, they sure can scream, can't they?
[Lip walks into college library and Amanda pops up alongside him]
You disappeared last night.
That was a really shitty thing to do.
I know, I know. I just had something to do, okay?
You just split and left me there. I waited for two hours.
Listen, I never asked you to come over, okay?
[Amanda punches him in the face]
What the fuck was that for?
Making me fall in love with you.
I didn't make you do anything!
Yes, you did, because you're so fucking...you! You're not like anybody I know or have ever met or will ever meet. You're just-- Oh, fuck!
[She walks away and staring library patrons start applauding with Lip sarcastically acknowledging them]
[Fiona arrives early at the diner and Sean lets her in]
You're not on the schedule today.
I think I'm in love with you. And I'm pretty sure you're in love with me too.
Gus seems like a good guy.
Something is going on with us. We both know it.
Well, I don't want to be that shithead who's sleeping with some nice guy's wife, okay? I've been that guy, hiding in a closet.
What if Gus and I split up?
Well, don't do it 'cause of me. [Staff knocking at door] That's the staff. I got to let 'em in. [He opens door] Hey. Come on in. It's 7:00. I got to open.
You make me happy. I'm happy when I'm around you.
Happy... is overrated. Grow up, Fiona.
[Ian is at Walter's place, Monica's boyfriend, who he has just met]
...
You know, you can never see this many stars from Chicago. There's uh, too many lights from the city. It crowds all the stars out of the sky. Are you selling meth?
I found some in your bag.
You're going through my stuff?
Is that how you got that money? And what is he doing out here?
Shh. Will you keep your voice down? It's his grandma's old place, and Walter keeps an eye on it.
Is he cooking out here? I looked into that trailer over there, and I saw some stuff.
He takes care of me, and I take care of him. And I'm happy. Okay?
[Walter bursts from trailer]
WWalter
Hey. The fuck is going on out here?
WWalter
Well, shut the fuck up. I'm trying to sleep!
WWalter
What the fuck you say?!
Jesus! I said fucking "Jesus!"
[Walter attempts to run up to Ian and Monica thwarts him, ushering him back to his trailer]
WWalter
[To Ian] Don't eyefuck me motherfucker!
He's just under a lot of stress now, okay? I mean, most of the time he's sweet, really sweet. Ian, I'm finally happy. People like us, we can be happy. I love him. And that's the most important thing, to find somebody you love, right? Who loves you back for who you are. I want that for you.
