[Jimmy is at The Alibi]
It's my fourth.
I don't care if it's your 44th. We don't do buybacks.
I'm broke.
Hey, news flash, princess. So is 150% of the patronage here.
Oh, there she is.
Welcome back. How was your vacay?
Oh, I went surfing, got hit by a jet ski, Saw a dolphin masturbate.
Yeah?
Well, my finger's broken, my parents are divorced, And my dad's a fairy, so--
A fairy? Hello, 1983. Did you get my co2 tanks?
Yeah.
Hey, can you make it quick? I gotta get out of here.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
Hey. You know, not for nothin', but, uh, no one likes to hear a grown man whine. It's like the verbal equivalent of a dude wearing uggs.
Yeah, well, I appreciate the sympathy, thanks.
Get over it. Fiona doesn't have room for it. She's busting her ass just to keep food on the table.
[Walks in] Good denizens of Cook County, I have a proposition. [Patrons murmurs] Do you remember- Do you remember the holdup of that jewelry store on South Ashland in '92?
Oh, yeah, sure. Bastards cleaned out these poor spics of every piece of crap that they had.
That was my mother. She did the heist. And I think she buried the crap in my backyard.
How do you know that?
Well, she stashed it somewhere and then she forgot where. So the other day I was planting some basil. I've recently gotten back into gardening. And I found this.
Shit, is that gold?!
Could be. Pretty dirty, gotta get it appraised. The point being, this is only the tip of the golden iceberg. Now I can't dig it all up by myself. So I will give a sizeable cut to anyone who helps me unearth it. So who's with me? [Patrons sparsely chuckles]
Fuck it. Why not?
I'm in.
There you go. Bravo, soldiers. Onward, onward. Let's go. Let's do it. That's the spirit. This is what made America great.
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