[Jen leaves her room with Lip spotting her]
Hey, I- [She runs off to elevator losing Lip] Fuck, fuck, fuck...
[He runs down emergency stairs meeting her in lobby walking after her]
Hi. Thought I lost you. Um. Uh, hey, could you wait up? I- I'm- I'm supposed to- to be with you.
JenMy sober companion, yeah, I know, I got it. I'm just going for a little walk. I-
[They're walking across bridge over Chicago river] Hey, you could slow down a little bit?
Jen
You seem like a nice kid. I just- I just need some space, all right?
Yeah, I'm not sure that's such a good idea.
Jen
Actually, it's a great idea. See, this is like a mini-vacation for me.
Jen
Got no work, no husband, no screaming kids. No one knows I'm in town, so I'm- I'm anonymous here. Yeah, I'm- I just- I just- I need some alone time.
I'm concerned you might drink.
Jen
Don't be concerned, bunny.
Look, does that mean you are gonna drink, or you're not gonna drink?
Jen
It means if I do drink, everything's gonna be okay.
You've got a meeting tomorrow.
Jen
Yeah, in like 20 hours.
Yeah, a lot can happen in that time.
Jen
A few drinks is not gonna kill me. I- I'll be back at the hotel by mid-afternoon. I'll chug a gallon of Evian; I'll eat a pizza; hit the steam room; get a great night's sleep, and be as good as new for my meeting. Really, it's no big whoop. No one will know.
Jen
Aren't you a sweet Boy Scout?
[Jentakes off runnning] No- [After tripping over trash can that Jen knocked over and answering phone] Hey, Barney. Yeah, no, everything's good. No, yeah, she's still sleeping. Okay. Talk to you later. Bye. [Catches up to Jenin park knocking her to ground and gets on top of her] Stop!
Jen
Oh, my God!
Hey, look, I'm sorry! Are you okay?! You gave me no choice!
Jen
Get off me!
Not until you promise you're not gonna drink! Look, I'm not getting off you until you promise!
Jen
No!
Jen
To sit on top of me?!
To make sure you don't drink!
Jen
Oh, my God, I told you, it's no big deal!
Yes, it is! All right? Don't fuck up this gig for me! My brother's going to prison tomorrow! I need the money for his commissary account!
Jen
Are you trying to play on my emotions?!
Jen
No, because I don't have any!
All right, well, then, suck it up until Barney gets back at 5:00, all right?! He can deal with you!
Jen
What am I supposed to do if I'm not drinking?! Just sit in the hotel room all day, watching SpectraVision?!
Uh, we could hang out here in the park! It's a beautiful day out!
Jen
You are such a sap!
Look, just relax, all right?! Enjoy, and take it one moment at a time, all right?!
Jen
Oh, jeez, AA crap! All right, fine. We'll just hang out in this stupid park!
All right! Okay! Now I'm gonna get off you, but I swear, if you run, I will tackle the fuck out of you!
Jen
You are so dramatic!
Hey, look who's talking, commercial actress chick!
Jen
I'll have you know, I have done 17 films and 4 TV shows!
Jen
[Jen feigns running away with Lip jumping with a start] Hey! I'm just kidding, you little shit!
Jen
That cloud up there looks like a martini glass.
Nah, it's clearly a beer funnel. When did you start drinking?
Jen
Nine? Maybe earlier. I was 12. We had a beer keg tapped in our backyard at all times.
Grow up in a fraternity? You ever try and stop?
Jen
Course. Life's hard. Booze is my only escape.
Why'd you hire a sober companion, then?
Jen
I didn't. Highland Cosmetics did after the incident, where we're doing this Christmas commercial in the fall, and I was riding a horse through Central Park, and I fell off.
Jen
I was plastered. [Laughs] Course, the horse got spooked and took off, and guess what I did? [scoffs] Start chasing after him.
Jen
I was wearing high heels and this snow angel thing. Yeah. I almost caught it, and I promise you, I could've, had I not puked.
Jen
I'm surprised you didn't see it. It was all over the Internet. You didn't see the gif?
Jen
The [imitates vomiting]
Jen
Let's go get some lunch. I'm fucking starving.
Is this $22 for a grilled cheese?
Jen
Who cares? Get what you want I'm gonna splurge and get the Cobb salad. Final answer.
Jen
It has creamy dressing. [Laughs] Oh. So what qualifies you to be a sober companion?
I don't know, really. I mean, I've never done it before.
Jen
Um. Barney trusts me, I guess, and I know how a drunk thinks.
WWaiter
Here we go. Virgin Bloody Mary.
Jen
Are you positive it's virgin?
WWaiter
It's absolutely, 100%, a virgin. Uh, and Coke for the gentleman. Let me put this tray down. I'll be right back to take your order.
Jen
Kay. This is, like, an entire salad on my glass.
Oh, yeah. Guess they have to make up for it being a virgin.
Jen
[Lips throws glass on ground] Oh, my God.
Hey, you told Fred the waiter that a virgin meant to make it a double when I was in the bathroom.
Jen
Fuck, I miss Barney. [Gets up from table and walks off]
Sh... Jesus Christ. [Lip takes after Jen]
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, I have a better one. So Carl's, like, five or six years old, right?
Enough with these Carl stories.
[To Carl] Hey, let me get that.
Jen
Wow, looks like you're the one going to prison. Mm, this is amazing.
I can't believe you've never had White Castle before.
Jen
I only eat carrots, and then I throw them up. [They laugh]
All right, so he's five or six years old--
Wait- wait- wait, is this the penis or the cat story?
And he thought pee was stored in his scrotum.
But he called it his... [With Ian] Bubble gum.
Yeah. 'Cause it looks like bubble gum.
Is that what that scar is?
Jen
Well, and why the hell'd you do that?
I thought I'd save some time, bypass the penis.
Jen
[Laughs] Creative.
See? I'm a genius. Yeah, you're a genius.
Jen
Did pee come out?
Jen
Oh, God.
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. I got stuck on the El for 20 minutes.
Nice. Hey, what's going on, Deb?
[Grabs White Castle bag] Ooh. Yes.
Why is that chick from those makeup commercials having dinner with us? Oh, shit, that's you.
Jen
Mm.
Hey, she's also done 17 movies and 4 TV shows.
Jen
And nominated for three Golden Globes and a People's Choice Award.
You're famous. You make a lot of money doing those commercials, huh?
Kelly: Hey.
Jen
What?
Kelly: Say the line.
Jen
No. Oh, you guys...
KLKelly and Lip
come on...
Jen
[Turns head dramatically] Face it. You're gorgeous.
Ian: Wow!
[Clapping hands] Whoo, whoo!
Kelly: Nice.
Ian: Okay, now the Carl cat story. Debs, you take this one.
Shameless · 903 quotes
