What the fuck?! Who fixed the drywall?
Someone fixed the drywall. [Scoffs] Not it.
So that means we're not selling the house, right?
DebbieDid I repair the damage that some dumbfuck did to my kitchen? Yeah.
Debbie
My problem? You're the one who's mentally unstable.
What, 'cause I want to sell the house?
Debbie
Yes! It's driving all of us crazy. I mean, Liam, am I right?
For real. Are we selling the house or not?
Debbie
No, we're not!
This is why I haven't pooped in three days.
Debbie
Yeah, and I had sex with a gay guy. And now I probably have AIDS. So thanks a lot, Lip.
How is it my fault that you had sex with a gay guy?
...
Debbie
We are not selling the house.
We are selling the house, all right?! Everybody got that?! No more conversations, no more bullshit, we're selling the fuckin' house! Let's go.
Debbie
It was unprotected sex.
Still probably don't have AIDS. Everybody's on PrEP.
Debbie
Well, I'm sure I have something.
Well, syphilis, maybe. Gonorrhea. Lots of that going around.
Debbie
Oh, my God.
Ah, relax. That's like saying you walked on the beach and you have sand between your toes. Should probably hit a clinic, though.
Debbie
Really?
NNurse
Doing an STD panel today?
Debbie
Yeah.
NNurse
Any particular reason?
Debbie
Uh, yeah. I think my stupid brother gave me an STD.
NNurse
You had sex with your brother?
Debbie
Oh, my God, no. Jesus. What would happen if I did? Would he go to jail?
NNurse
I'd have to report it. Incest is illegal in Illinois. He'd probably spend two to five years in jail.
Debbie
Oh. It's temping... [groans softly] But extreme. I just want to stay in my house.
NNurse
Honey, why are you here?
Debbie
I had unprotected sex with a gay dude.
NNurse
What does that have to do with your brother?
Debbie
Well, he wants to sell the house we grew up in. I don't wanna sell the house. I may have overreacted a little bit and gotten drunk and had unprotected sex in the back of a skanky-ass bar.
NNurse
You think your brother planned to sell the house so you'd have unprotected sex with a stranger and get an STD?
Debbie
Yes. AIDS.
NNurse
I doubt you have AIDS. You probably don't have anything, but I am gonna give you a penicillin shot just to be safe.
Debbie
Thanks.
Debbie
[Nurse holds up needle] Jesus.
NNurse
I need you to pull your jeans down, bend over slightly.
Debbie
I'm gonna fuckin' kill Lip.
You stay up all night again?
Yeah, I'm an officer, but what does that even mean? All I see is lazy cops who do nothing or hard-ass cops who don't give a shit about the community. It's like I don't wanna be either one of those, so what's the point?
No, no. Look, I'm sorry, man, I do, I wanna listen to you, but could we do it another time? My brain can't switch gears right now.
[Walks away] That's fine.
Debbie
[Comes down stairs] Jesus... loud! Early!
Yeah, well, I gotta try and get this finished.
[Entire cast is sitting on door steps of Gallagher residence]
We’re not doing this, telling you what happened on Shameless last week anymore. We’re sick of it.
Debbie
It’s over.
It insults your intelligence.
They don’t pay us enough.
What, they pay you guys for this?
[They all turn heads to Kevin] Yeah. You don’t get paid?
Debbie
Are you kidding?
Well, fuck me! [They all snicker]
[Ian pulse checks an unresponsive Frank on the couch] Is he dead?
Debbie
What’s that smell?
Grampy went tinkle in his pants.
Debbie
Ugh, damn it. Not on the new couch.
[Walks up] Hey, what’s goin’ on?
How much heroin did he do?
Yet another disadvantage to decades of copious narcotics use.
Debbie
Should we, like, call the paramedics or something?
No, he’s done this before a bunch of times.
He may be trying to kill himself. He’s been depressed. The dementia’s getting bad.
Hand me that syringe. [Ian hands her one and she pricks Frank's hand]
Or he’s already brain-dead. That happens with overdoses.
I guess it’s up to us to finish him off. Quick so*t to the head, dump his body in the lake. I don’t think anybody’s gonna miss him. What? We’d just be helpin’ Mr. Fuckup finish the job.
HHeidi
You could pillow him. That’s what my dad did to my grandpa so we could sell his double-wide. Couldn’t afford his oxygen refills anymore.
Debbie’s got a new friend.
HHeidi
Hey, you check his pockets, see if he got any money on him?
HHeidi
[In Debbie's bedroom] Help me run an errand later?
Debbie
Sure.
HHeidi
Franny, you like muscle cars?
Debbie
Oh, yeah, American only. Right, Fran?
HHeidi
You know, I had a ’70 Barracuda 440 once.
HHeidi
Mm-hmm. For a whole two hours. Smoked the cops who were on me after I boosted it. Hey, you’re your own boss, right?
Debbie
Yeah.
HHeidi
That means you don’t have to go to work if you have something better to do.
Debbie
Mm... like what? [Heidi holds out handcuffs] Hey, Franny, why don’t you go downstairs to check if your Grandpa Frank is dead, okay?
HHeidi
[Franny walks out bedroom] Bye, Fran. [Debbie shuts door]
Shameless · 903 quotes
