Carla Espinosa quotes from Scrubs

Elliot

Okay, so I tried to get some x-rays back from the lab tech by making a kissy face, and he asked me if I had palsy!

Jordan

Elliot, if you want to get ahead, you have to use what God gave ya!

Carla

Or in your case, what Dr. Fineberg gave you.

Jordan

Exactly!

Turk

(to Carla) You have created a monster. Elliot did a little tongue dance in Franklyn's ear just to get him to do her labs before mine.

Carla

So she used her femininity! The only reason you usually get your lab-work back so fast is because you always pick Franklyn to play basketball even though he always shoots his foul shots granny-style.

Carla

Okay! I put interview guy in the lounge and told him that Elliot was with a patient. Now. How we gonna fix this thing?

You're okay. The guy wanted an orange soda, right? We bring him an orange soda, maybe the whole thing goes away.

Carla

Okay, here's the plan: Jordan and I will take care of interview guy. Soft-Scrub, you can do whatever the hell you want.

I will.

Carla, have you seen Newbie?

Carla

Oh, he got off your leash?

Give me a break. The kid's like.... have you ever seen a drunk baby? It's a long story, involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say that it turns out at first it's endearing to watch them bounce off the walls, but man, you take your eyes off them for one second and bam! They've got a bucket on their head and they're plowing through your brand new flat screen TV. God save me, it was barely out of the box. The point is that Newbie is my drunk baby.

Carla

[about Dr. Cox, in his presence] Elliot, do you see the problem with trying to appeal to its human side?

Elliot

He doesn't have one.

Carla

Exactly! But what does he have?

Elliot

A shaved chest, a closetful of tiny tee shirts, and the eyes of a madman.

Ohh! I'm sorry! The correct answer she was looking for is a giant ego! I have a giant ego!

Carla

J.D., you have to get out! This place is tiny and I'm sick of seeing your man-panties hanging all over the bathroom.

J.D.

They're called boxers, Carla.

Carla

They're satin, J.D.

J.D.

With a breathable cotton crotch panel. [voiceover] King me!

Carla

I can get mad, Turk, if you give me a little help.

Turk

If you had no hair, you'd look like Danny Devito.

Carla

Oh Turk, a little help.

Carla

[to the Janitor] I want you to be in the staff picture.

Carla

I thought you were going to kill me.

I fought the urge.

Carla

I just don't get what's so great about kids. I mean, "yay! you went poopie in the potty!" There's a monkey at the zoo that can do that... you know, when he's not playing with himself.

J.D.

So, don't have kids.

Carla

But I want to be a mom more than anything else in the world! I know it's crazy, but I'm a girl: it's how we roll.

Carla

Why aren't you freaking out? Look at him— your kid's, like, all green and slimy.

I suppose it's because when Jordan was pregnant, I mentally prepared myself for her giving birth to something green and slimy.

Ted

Did you hear the lottery's up to $100,000,000? If I win, it's going to be separate beds for me and my mom!

Carla

And you could spend the other $99,999,000 on therapy.

Carla

Elliot, I can't believe you would do that.

Turk

What'd you do?

J.D.

Was it naughty?

Elliot

[to J.D. and Turk] You see, yesterday I went shoe shopping, and there was this one pair of...

[looking off into space, to themselves] Shoe shopping.

Carla

[to Elliot] Great, we can talk. What were you thinking?

Elliot

So, we kissed. I've been treating his kid for a week now and we just hit it off, you know. It started off with some innocent flirting: "Hi, I'm Dr. Reid"... "Why is there blood in my son's stool?"...

Carla

[narrating] And now his boyfriend will comfort him.

J.D

Don't listen to her Brown Bear, your body's fierce.

Turk

Is it?

J.D

Like Taye Diggs.

Turk

[to Carla] Taye. Diggs.

Carla

I just took a pregnancy test, just tell me when a minute's up.

Turk

I just put some pizza rolls in the microwave oven; the minute that bad boy dings we're good to go.

Carla

Oh, my god, I can't stand it, 30 more seconds.

Turk

OK baby, don't get too excited, they have to cool off for at least a minute.

Carla

I'm not sure that suit works on you.

J.D.

Thanks for your opinion, Carla, [turning to the camera] but I'm much more interested in what you all think.

Lonnie

We don't love it.

J.D.

Well who cares, Lonnie, [turning to the camera again and pointing] because all that really matters is whether or not America loves it.

For the last time, it's Americo! And of course I love it, I made it!

J.D.

He's a dynamite tailor; not sure why he's here.