Sam Puckett quotes from Sam & Cat

  Can someone read me a story?

Cat

  No.

  Is toothpaste a vegetable?

Sam

  No.

  Can I jump off the roof?

  Yes.

Sam

  Look, on t.v. shows, they don't own a usual pear computer, so they change the pear to a banana.

Cat

  Oh!  That's so clever.

Cat

  Ding dong.

Sam

  Why'd you do that?

Cat

  Do what?

Dice

  Aww, you're sweet.

Sam

  [removes Dice's hat, pulls him toward her by his shirt]  Never call me sweet.

Sam

  You know what you need?

Cat

  My own unicorn?

Sam

  The next number is…G41.

Gwen

  Yes!  Look, Ruby, we got another one!

Ruby

  We should go to Vegas!

Sam

  Okay, the next number is… [sarcastically trying to trick everyone, especially the two little girls] …ahh, there's a scratch on this number; I should probably just throw this one in the trash—

Gwen

  Just say the number!

Ruby

  Get on with it!

Sam

  …B7.

  Bingo!!

Gwen

  We just won a giant television machine!

Ruby

  Wooo!

  [enters whistling]  Okay, this is a raid.

  We are being raided?

  This is an illegal bingo game.

Sam

  Since when is bingo illegal?

  When you're giving away a prize worth over $2,000.

Sam

  Cat!  You're running an illegal bingo game!

Cat

  But it was Nona's idea!

  I don't even know these girls!

Cat

  I'm baaaaaack!!  [runs with her jug of bibble to the kitchen]  I got bibble!  I got bibble!!  I'm back and I got bibble!!  Woooooooo!!

Dice

  Did you get my money back?

Cat

  Yes!  At first.

Sam

  And then what?

Cat

  And then, they had this big tin jug of bibble which I bought!  Where's my spife?  [looks and finds her spife]  There's my spife!  [starts to open the jug of bibble]

Sam

  Wait, how much did you spend on that can?

Cat

  The can was free; I just paid for the bibble inside.

Dice

  How much?

Cat

  $500!  Plus my bike!  [points at Dice]  Don't judge me.  [carries on opening the bibble]

Sam

  You gave those little Brit brats all Dice's money?!

Cat

  And my bike!  Everybody clear?  Everybody up to speed?  I hope so 'cause I gotta eat me some bibble!  [opens the tin jug to find a load of cotton swabs]

Cat

  Cotton swabs?!

Cat

  So what do you guys wanna do?

Gwen

  Oh, anything would be lovely.

Ruby

  Lovely.

Cat

  We could make some tea.

Sam

  You could do our laundry.

Cat

  We could play games.

Sam

  You could rub my feet.

Cat

  We could sing songs.

Sam

  While you rub my feet.

Cat

  Is that my toothbrush?

Sam

  Would I have a toothbrush that did this?

Sam

  Here, pick a channel.  Nothing educational.

Sam

  Yeah?

  Let me in.

Sam

  Why?

  Thank you.  [watches a goat in the sofa]  Ahoy!  I knew I smelled an animal.

Sam

  Ahoy?

  You're not allowed to have that beast in this building.

Sam

  Why are you wearing a cape?

  Because I am.

Sam

  Are you a magician?

  No.

Sam

  Superhero?

  No.  I wear a cape because I like capes.

Sam

  Weirdos like capes.

  [shows the printed papers]  See this here?

Sam

  No.

  This paper.

Sam

  Did something poop on your forehead?

  I command you to listen to me!

  This says, "Residents of this building may keep cats or small dogs.  No other animals allowed."

Sam

  Are caped weirdos allowed?

  You're new to this building, aren't you?

Sam

  Kinda.

  Well, I happen to be a big deal around here.  And you have one day to get rid of that goat.

Sam

  That's not a goat.

  Is, too.

Sam

  It's a cat.

  That's a lie.

Sam

  It's a small dog.

  Another lie!

Sam

  So you have no friends?

  Irrelevant!  Sign this, to show that you've been warned about your goat.

Sam

  I'm not signing anything.

  You will sign it!  Or I won't leave.  [the next scene depicts Dilben with his shirt around his waist and his pants over his head, kicked out of the apartment by Sam]  How dare you put my shirt around my waist and my pants around my torso!

Sam

  Thanks for stopping by.

 You give me back my cape!

Sam

  No.

  Why not?!

Sam

  Because young boys shouldn't wear capes.  [closes door]

  [leaving]  Sherlock Holmes wore a cape.

Cat

  Come in, Dice.

  I'm not Dice.  I'm—

Sam

  Get out.

Cat

  No.  Um, hi, Dilben!  Come in.  Would you like a muffin?

  I spit on your muffins.

Cat

  You should try butter.

  Your goat is still here.

Sam

  It's not our goat.

Cat

  We're just babysitting him.

  Yeah, right.

Sam

  Hey, you got another cape.

  I wanna speak to your grandmother.

Cat

  My Nona?

  Get her.

Sam

  She doesn't live here anymore.

  Whaaat?

Cat

  She moved to Elderly Acres.

Sam

  Yup.

  Interesting.  And who else lives here with you two?

Cat

  Nobody.

  Delicious.

Sam

  What are you yammin' about?

  Building rules!  All apartments must have at least one adult resident.  And since you're both in high school, and you're keeping a goat!  My father has two reasons to throw you out!  [tries to leave the house but Sam interrupts him]

Sam

  Dilben.

  Yeeees.

Sam

  Before you go… [the next scene shows Dilben with his shirt around his waist and his pants over his head, once again kicked out of the apartment by Sam]  Enjoy your Saturday.

  I still have one more cape!

Sam

  Suck a truck.  [closes door]

  [leaving]  I will not suck a truck!  Or enjoy my Saturday!

Sam

  [opens door]  Alright, Dilben, you can have your cape back!  [Dilben runs to the door trying to get his cape back]  Whoops!  [closes the door; Dilben fails and leaves]

  Call Dr. Stanky.

Cat

  Dr. Stanky!

Sam

  Use your phone.

Cat

  You know what they say, "Easy like a goat."

Sam

  Who says that?

Cat

  The goat keepers?

Cat

  She's always texting me about wazzing.

Sam

  Sometimes while I'm wazzing.

  I thought I told you not to come.

Sam

  You did.

  Then, why are you here?

Sam

  Oh, because we don't care what you say.

Cat

  [laughs]  She's so disrespectful!