Nona quotes from Sam & Cat

  [inside a sack getting pushed through the front door in a trolley by some young kids]  Aah!

Cat

  Nona!

Sam

  Nice sack.

Sam

  What happened to you?

  Those little demons happened to me!

Cat

  Is it okay if she stays here with us tonight?

  Hmm…sure. I assume you don't have a prison record.  [laughs with Cat]

Sam

  Yeah…you assume that.

Cat

  Who's gonna make me soup?

  You can learn.

Cat

  I can?

  Sure, you just open the can, pour it into a bowl, and put it in the microwave.

Cat

  Wait, slow down…

Ruby

  Wait!

  Yes?

Gwen

  We want to buy that card.

Cat

  But I'm buying it.  Here's my $5.

Gwen

  I'll give you $10 for that card.

Cat

  I'll pay you $50 for that card.

Gwen

  $100!

Cat

  $200!

  [brings her hand up to her heart]  Ugh, my pace maker!

Gwen

  Alright, I'll buy that bingo card for $500!

  I'm sorry, but I have to sell the card to this little foreign girl.

Cat

  But…but…but…

Ruby

  Yes!

Sam

  The next number is…G41.

Gwen

  Yes!  Look, Ruby, we got another one!

Ruby

  We should go to Vegas!

Sam

  Okay, the next number is… [sarcastically trying to trick everyone, especially the two little girls] …ahh, there's a scratch on this number; I should probably just throw this one in the trash—

Gwen

  Just say the number!

Ruby

  Get on with it!

Sam

  …B7.

  Bingo!!

Gwen

  We just won a giant television machine!

Ruby

  Wooo!

  [enters whistling]  Okay, this is a raid.

  We are being raided?

  This is an illegal bingo game.

Sam

  Since when is bingo illegal?

  When you're giving away a prize worth over $2,000.

Sam

  Cat!  You're running an illegal bingo game!

Cat

  But it was Nona's idea!

  I don't even know these girls!

  Call Dr. Stanky.

Cat

  Dr. Stanky!

Sam

  Use your phone.

Cat

  That makes sense, even to me!

  These pork fingers are so spicy! Oh! My mouth is on fire! Oh!

  [sprays Nona with fire extinguisher] Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!

Who are those boys in the water?

It's Frobbie! Somebody save Frobbie!

Freddie

Please don't call us that!

Flying robits?!

Sam

Robits?

Cat

That's what she calls robots.

Sam

Why would she call robots robits?

Dice

'Cause she's old.

[sprays Dice with a hose. She smiles] I may be old, but who's wet?

Cat

Do you guys hear that?

Sam

The drone!

Cat

I don't see it!

Sam

Me, neither.

Dice

Maybe it's coming from the other way.

Cat

Oh, I see it!

Sam

That's the moon!

Cat

Dang it!

Over there!

Sam

There it is!

Cat

OMG! Hi, drone

Dice

It's so cool

Sam

Man, it's coming pretty fast.

Cat

Real fast.

Where is it gonna land?

Cat

It's here!

Sam

Beef stick.

Cat

Enormous man's underpants.

Thank you for shopping at Zappathon.com.

Dice

How great is technology?

Sam

Hey, Nona. What goes…? Hey, what are you doing?

Well, I'm getting ready to go back to Elderly Acres.

Sam

What? No! What? No. You can't leave! Well, come on! What's for dinner? I mean, let's go, right? Mac and cheese and cheese and cheese and cheese, huh?

I got a phone call. I can go back now. The funk mites are gone.

Sam

Well, that's great, but—

And Cat's coming home tonight, and she's going to need her bed back.

Sam

But… but I don't want you to leave!

Oh, honey. You'll be all right.

Sam

[sobs] No, I won't!

Sam. [Pearphone rings] I think that's your phone ringing.

Sam

[answers Pearphone] Who is it?

Dice

Sam?

Sam

What do you want?

Dice

I got good news and bad news.

Sam

What?

Dice

Well, the good news is I got the cover of the magazine.

Sam

Wow. Yeah, great. What's the bad news?

Dice

One of the other boys is being taken to a scalp hospital.

Sam

That's it?

Dice

No, Cat's being arrested.

Cat

I mean, it really looks like a wig.

Sam

Wait, Cat was really arrested?

Dice

Yes. You got to get Nona to come to Arizona and bail her out, or else Cat's going to be in jail for 2 weeks.

Sam

Really? Okay, I'll try to tell Nona if I can. Bye.

Dice

Bye.

Who was that?

Sam

Oh, that was Dice and Cat.

Oh, are they coming back here?

Sam

Um, no.

What's going on?

Sam

[lying] They decide to stay in Phoenix for 2 more weeks, so Cat says you should stay here and take care of me until she gets back.

Really?

Sam

I promise.

Well, I guess I better start dinner then. [laughs]

Sam

Yep. Yes, you should. [starts lying on the couch]