SRState regulator
What are you two, a couple of dummies? Blue Dog Soda has been banned in California!
SRState regulator
'Cause there's too much sugar in it and thanks to me, the State Bureau of Interference has passed a law: It is now illegal to sell or to drink Blue Dog Soda.
That's our favorite beverage.
SRState regulator
Too bad! Did you know that some people drink 10-12 bottles of this junk per day?
Yeah, but we drink, like, 1 or 2 a week!
SRState regulator
Yeah, well, some people drink too much of it.
So? Just 'cause some people drink too much of it, now nobody can have any?
SRState regulator
That's right! Because the public is too stupid to be trusted with things that they enjoy!
CWChinese Woman
Wǒ bù xǐhuān nǐ shuōhuà de fāngshì! Wánquán bù hélǐ! ("I don't like the way you talk! It's completely unreasonable!")
SRState regulator
Shut up!
WHWorker Holding Box of Blue Dog
I'll take it myself.
AWAnother Worker
Hey, watch out!
(Worker holding box of Blue Dog falls and spills all the Blue Dog)
SRState regulator
Look, are you two babysitters or not?
Listen, buddy, unless you got a warrant, you can't just come in here and b—babysitters?
SRState regulator
Yeah. Remember the flier? It said you two babysit.
SRState regulator
Good. [to Mitch] Mitch, get in here! [to Sam and Cat] This is my boy, Mitch. And I thought that maybe you two could babysit him for a few hours.
Oh, so you came here just 'cause you want us to babysit your kid?
SRState regulator
Yeah. And he's not much trouble. He just likes—what d'you like?
MMitch
Television, football, cheese.
SRState regulator
That sort of stuff.
MMitch
Why can't I just stay with you?
SRState regulator
Well, because Daddy has to go find some bad people and put them in jail.
SRState regulator
Somebody has been making illegal Blue Dog Soda and selling it.
SRState regulator
We don't know who it is, yet, but some genius copied the formula.
Cat (to Sam): Genius.
SRState regulator
We're gonna find 'em, we're gonna bust 'em, and we're gonna shut 'em down.
SRState regulator
'Cause sugar is bad.
Okay, so, you, uh, gonna shut down the people who make grape juice? 'Cause grape juice has a lot more sugar in it than soda has.
SRState regulator
Uh, n-no it doesn't.
Grape juice has lots more sugar than soda.
So, you gonna ban grape juice?
SRState regulator
L-look, I am not interested in facts! So, anyway, I'll be back to pick up the kid later.
MMitch
I love you, Daddy.
SRState regulator
Don't embarrass me.
SRState regulator
You Blue Dog Soda punks are in serious trouble!
Yeah, what's wrong with making a tasty soda that everybody loves?
Which we wouldn't have had to do if you hadn't banned Blue Dog Soda in the first place!
Has anybody seen the butt-scratcher?
What's your problem with Blue Dog?
SRState regulator
My problem is that some people drink too much of it and that's not healthy.
So? Some people eat too many sandwiches; you gonna ban sandwiches?
Oh, and roller coasters! What if a kid decided to ride roller coasters all day long everyday? He'd flunk out of school!
You gonna ban roller coasters?
And what about sleeping? I mean, if a person sleeps way too long, they're gonna wake up in a pile of their own poop.
If you hug someone real tight for too long, you could kill 'em.
So, maybe you should ban hugging.
Why don't you just ban everything?
Yeah! Because too much of anything could be bad for you, but it's not fair to punish everybody.
Just 'cause some people can't control themselves.
Don't you think people oughta be free to choose?
The 7th-smartest country in the world.
And we don't need people like you telling everybody what we can and can't do.
[the audience cheers. The State Regulator sits down, crying]
MMitch
Dad, what's wrong?
SRState regulator
They're right! I'm so stupid!
Sam & Cat · 122 quotes
