Harvey, you would not believe what I just heard. [without waiting for an answer] Okay, I’ll tell you: That’s not Sabrina’s real nose!
It’s not?
Don’t you get it? She had surgery.
Why? What’s wrong?
[rolls her eyes] Never mind.
S1Bundt Friday
Do you want to try a piece of our cake?
Like I’d taste anything you gave me. What’s in it, poison?
No, just chocolate. [waves it under Libby’s nose] Lots of chocolate.
[smiling slightly] Really?
And sprinkles.
Oh, all right. [takes the plate] But I’m not going to start being nice to you.
That’s okay... [Libby takes a bite of the cake] I just want to ask you one question: Libby, what have you been saying about Jenny and me behind our backs?
Like I’d tell you! [swallows cake, and sprinkles' magic kicks in] Okay, here’s what I was saying: I was saying that her father’s in jail and that she cheats on taxes, and then I threw in that you had a nose job.
But those are all lies!
You don’t have to tell me!
[Jill and C.C. approach]
CCC.C.
What’s going on?
I was just telling Sabrina all the rumours we’ve been spreading about her.
JJill
Why? She’s not in the loop!
So? [to Sabrina] And by the way, it was Jill who made up the nose job story. Which is actually very funny, because er, she’s the one who... [taps her nose meaningfully]
JJill
[gasps] You swore you’d never tell!
...And C.C., she kisses her Pete Sampras poster every night...
CCC.C.
You snitch!
GCGuidance Counselor
Let me give you the truth, Ricky. You kids come in here and talk about your futures, your dreams—but what about me? You think I wanted to be a guidance counselor? Heck no, I was born to play the blues. [takes out harmonica and sings]
I got no future and neither do you,
your SAT scores are four-thirty-two.
Welcome to loserville!
PLPrincipal Larue
[over the P.A.] Attention students, this is Principal Larue. I just wanted to announce that as soon as I finish this yummy bundt cake, I’m going to the movies, like I do every Friday afternoon — and I’m payin’ for my popcorn with petty cash. Thank you.
So this is nice, just the two of us.
Yeah, no Sabrina. It’s great.
It is?
Sure, now we can order onions. Sabrina hates onions.
I lied to you when I said I didn’t mind Harvey and you coming here alone. I do mind and I know you guys might be soul mates but...
We’re not soul mates.
You're not?
No. I mean, Harvey's really cute and he’s really nice, but you can’t build a life on that.
I’d be willing to give it a shot.
[calling over] Are you guys talking about me?
BBoth
Yes.
Come talk about me over here.
I have something to say: I know I said that Drell would stand you up and this date would never happen, and... I was wrong.
I love it when you say that. Will you say it again?
No. Look, just have fun on your date. After all you’ve been through with Drell, you deserve a good time.
Hilda: Thanks, bye. Gotta go, I don’t wanna keep Drell waiting. [pause] Although it is kind of a funny image; Drell, waiting. [opens the Linen Closet, stops, then closes it again] I just had the best idea: I’m not going!
[surprised] What?
I’m standing Drell up! I’m going to give him a taste of his own pot roast!
[delighted] Oh Hilda, that’s perfect! Those self-help books are really paying off!
I know! Now, lock me in my bedroom before I change my mind!
[eating the pot roast] Oh, I wish my fur had an elastic waist band...
[exasperated] Well, stop eating!
I can't!
Sabrina, you should never be embarrassed by the truth.
Oh yeah? Then why did you change out of your dress?
PLPrinciple Larue
[over the P.A.] Attention students, this is the real Principle Larue. Last Friday some prankster broke into my office and impersonated me. I, of course, was at the district office all day working to make your school a better place. Thank you. [feedback] Do you think they bought that? Huh...? Oh no!
S1The True Adventures of Rudy Kazootie
Sabrina, d’ya want some breakfast?
[glumly] No thanks, I’ll be out 'Rollerblah'ing.
What’s wrong?
She wanted inline skates, but she wanted a brand name.
[sympathetically] Oh, you can’t do that. We have strict copyright laws ever since the seventies, when witches way over did the Gucci.
You can still get decent knock off’s from the Hong Kong witches...
I still don’t understand why I can’t go to parents’ night with you.
Because, Salem, it’s weird enough that we’re two sisters who live together in an old Victorian house - If we show up with a cat, we cross the line into Loonyville.
Well, I’m off to my job!
You’re all dressed up.
Yeah, well, I want to make a good impression on the baby. [beat] And Harvey’s gonna be there.
[knowingly] Oh...
Don’t "Oh" - We have a study date!
[sceptical] Uh-huh...
Don’t "Uh-huh" - We have a test!
Mm-hm.
Don’t you start! Look, it’s no big deal, I mean Harvey could have asked anyone to study with him. [pauses, smiles] Of course, he did ask me...
[about the house Sabrina's babysitting at] You should have just said "it’s the house with the flying duck on the mailbox".
You really notice mailboxes, don’t you?
[holding several candy bars and soda cans] I’ve found all kinds of great stuff! It’s, uh, not brand name, but I’m sure it tastes fine. [puts them on the coffee table]
[reading the wrappers] ‘Schnickers’? ‘N&N’s’? ‘Butterthumb’? Where do these people shop?
I don’t know, but if you're thirsty, there’s ‘Popsi’.
Do they have ‘Yoo-hoo’?
No, but they have ‘Hey, Over Here’.
I think I’ll just have a diet Popsi.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Sabrina, the Teenage Witch pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.