Jerry Lawler quotes from Royal Rumble

In some of the pubs that Finlay frequents, this is the way they decide who picks up the tab.

Something you usually don't ever do.

[as Santino Marella, the #28 entry, charges to the ring] The king of the unibrow. No offense, King. [The very moment Santino enters the ring, Kane clotheslines him back out, eliminating him] OH!

WHAT?!

Good lord!

I wasn't ready! I wasn't ready! No! I wasn't actually prepared! I'm going back in!

That was a record! I think the Warlord's record may have been broken!

Err.. No redos, Santino! [Kane laughs as the replay of the elimination is shown on screen] Ha!Ha!Ha! Let's see if we can time this in our heads. 1,001...one thousan...he didn't even last two seconds! About a second-and-a-half!

So Santino may have gone in the record books, but not in the way he would've liked.

There goes Orton!

Orton's gon... Orton's not gone! [Triple H Pedigrees Cody Rhodes] What a Pedigree! A Pedigree to Rhodes! [ Ted DiBiase runs at Triple H, but Triple H sends DiBiase flying over the top rope to the floor, eliminating him] DiBiase's gone! We're down to three! We're down to three!

There goes Rhodes! He's gone! Cody Rhodes is gone!

Triple H...is gone! ORTON DID IT!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2009 Royal Rumble: Randy Orton!

Randy Orton from behind! Just as the Game had eliminated Cody Rhodes, Orton struck!

The Game eliminated 2/3 of Legacy, but Randy Orton took advantage of opportunity to win the 2009 Royal Rumble! And you know what this means!

[as Cody and Ted re-enter] It means that that man, Randy Orton, has a one-way ticket to the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania. But he didn't do it alone—there's his help.

The Game fought and fought and fought, tried to hang on, but it was too much. The odds were too much, and now Randy Orton's legacy is this—he is guaranteed a championship match at the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.

[as Orton points to the WrestleMania sign] 48 minutes and 27 seconds it took Randy Orton to win this Royal Rumble.

Randy Orton is going to WrestleMania to become a champion, to compete in the main event, and it's guaranteed.

[after Punk eliminates JTG] You know what the bad news there is, don't you? We're gonna have to listen to CM Punk again.

No, nothing wrong with that.

As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, not everybody can win the Royal Rumble match, just like not everyone can be saved. There are people here tonight that cannot, that will not ever have the reserve and dedication in their heart to follow in my footsteps. [The clock counts down again] Tonight I become the first ever straight edge Royal Rumble match winner.

Oh boy! The Punjabi Playboy.

Let's see if CM Punk can curry favor with the Great Khali.

7'3", 420 pounds, making his fourth Rumble appearance.

CM Punk looking at his Mary Magdalene, Serena. How is Punk going to deal with the Great Khali?

Great Khali, Great Khali, Great Khali, I can save you. Great Khali, I can make you...I can make you greater! I can see the pain in your eyes—you need to be saved! Please, Great Khali, raise your right hand! [Great Khali raises his right hand] Do you accept straight edge into your life?

The straight edge chop.

CM Punk was only trying to save the Great Khali, but...[Khali starts crushing Punk's head] All Khali has to do is pick Punk up and throw him over the top rope.

The skull enveloped in those hands of Khali

Who's gonna save CM right now?

[as the clock counts down] Who will enter at #6?

Could crush his head like a grape.

That's Beth Phoenix.

The Glamazon! Just the second woman in Rumble history.

Are you serious?

[as Phoenix stares into Khali's eyes] Every Superstar is eligible but...really? [Khali picks her up and places her over the top rope onto the apron, pointing her to go back] Khali's the Punjabi Playboy. Gentle.

Chivalry is not dead.

Why does Khali get all the good stuff?! [Phoenix pulls the Great Khali onto the floor, eliminating him, and gets back in the ring] Never trust a woman, look at that!

Beth Phoenix has eliminated the Great Khali!

Awaiting #20...

WOOOOOWWWWWW!!! [continues over]

Sweet Chin Music!

Oh my God!

Shawn Michaels has eliminated Triple H! It is indeed every man for himself!

#29 on his way.

Who's gonna join these guys? [buzzer sounds; Jericho gives a shocked look as Edge's music plays.]

HOLY–!!

WHAT?!

OH MY!! The Rated:-R Superstar! The former World Champion!

What?!

[referring to the immense cheers of Edge's return] Listen to the ovation!

It is thunderous in the Phillips Arena!

After what many thought to be a career-threatening injury, Edge has returned!

Look out, here comes Edge!

Both hang on, both hang on. For a moment. But look at...teetering precariously on the apron. Oh, this is dangerous. This is dangerous for both of these men.

Whoa! Back into the ring, though!

Sweet Chin Music... [Batista attacks Michaels from behind, who still hangs on by one hand] Batista ambushing Michaels! [Batista knocks Michaels's hand away and Michaels falls to the floor, getting eliminated] NO!!!

NO!!!

Shawn Michaels eliminated.

Hearts have been broken right now. Everyone wanted to see Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker, the rematch

[as Michaels reenters the ring, referee Charles Robinson following him] What's he doing? He can't...

Shawn Michaels has been eliminated.

Get out! Get out! It's over, Shawn. Get out! All right? It's over. Get out.

You don't understand!

I can't help you! You went over the rope! What do you want me to do about it?! Let's go!

Shawn, you gotta go. You gotta go.

This match meant everything to Shawn Michaels. [An inconsolable Michaels leaves the ring and makes his way up the aisle] It's the one thing in Shawn Michaels' career that he's never achieved.

That man, Batista.

Let's not lose sight of what this night is about, though—the road to WrestleMania.

Yeah, but I'm worried about Shawn here.

GOD!!! Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!

I can not help but feel for him. We are down to three, ladies and gentlemen; let's refocus on what's at hand.

John Cena's been in the match the longest, over 25 minutes thus far. Batista, remember, entered at #30, Edge at #29.

Well, HBK entered at #18, so he has to be in at least a minute longer than... [As he says this, Batista charges Cena, who grabs the top rope and pulls it down, sending Batista over to elimination] ...CENA! OH!

Batista eliminated!

John Cena, a little payback from 2005. John Cena has eliminated Batista. We are now down to two.

[as Edge preps from the other side of the ring] Watch your back, John.

Here it is. [...but Cena catches him with a knee] Look at him take advantage. Cena...saw it coming... [Cena charges Edge, but Edge steps aside and tosses him out of the ring, winning the Rumble] OH NO! EDGE HAS DONE IT! EDGE HAS DONE IT! EDGE IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2010 Royal Rumble: The Rated-R Superstar, Edge!

Oh, my God! On this day, I see clearly. The Ultimate Opportunist, Edge, is going to WrestleMania!

I cannot believe it, ladies and gentlemen. Edge wasn't supposed to be here. Edge wasn't supposed to be back in action for months, and he came from out of nowhere, and he entered at #29, and he eliminated John Cena, and he's won the Royal Rumble match!

[as Edge is about to spear Dolph Ziggler while the referee and Vickie are out cold] He can't do this!

Oh, yes he can!

No, he can't! It's illegal!

Remember, if a tree falls in the woods and no one's there to hear it, it never happened.

Somebody had to see that! Ref, get up! Edge isn't hurt! Edge is acting, he deserves an Oscar nomination here! Come on, ref, you fool!

[as the ref slowly gets up] This is great.

How did the ref not see that?!

What do you mean, "how did the referee not see that"? The ref was knocked down, Vickie Guerrero's knocked down.

This is ridiculous! This is a travesty!

Somebody wake Vickie Guerrero up. She definitely needs to see this.

Look at this! A little shout-out to his buddy!

The cover. [The referee counts to three] You've gotta be kidding me!

It's too damn bad the Oscar nominations came out last week, because this man would be a frontrunner for Best Actor!

How many times had Vickie Guerrero slapped, punched, and done all those things to Edge? I don't think that Edge...I don't know how he kept his composure. But right here, he realized Vickie Guerrero was down; he looked over, he saw the referee down.

But this is illegal! The spear is illegal!

The cat's away, the mice will play. The teacher didn't see it, I didn't do it!

The Miz does not even realize that he's won.

It doesn't matter, he's still the WWE Champion. He's retained the WWE Championship.

The Miz, fat lip and all, is asking the referee what happened. You gonna tell me, Cole, the Miz is gonna be a proud WWE Champion after that?

He should be proud—he's still the WWE Champ.

What's interesting about Daniel Bryan is that he spent twelve years honing his craft, toiling in the minor leagues; imagine what it would mean for Daniel Bryan to go to WrestleMania.

Minor leagues???

Yeah, before he came to the WWE, everything's the minor leagues.

Well, for CM Punk, he's in the big time now. CM Punk, the three-time World Champion and about to go to school on this dork Daniel Bryan.

Yeah, if what you is right, then CM Punk was in the minor leagues.

Yeah, this is...a lot of the Internet loves this match-up right now.

The Internet loves this, the Internet loves that. Who cares about the stupid Internet?!

Say what you want, this is not what the Royal Rumble is about.

Why not?!

The Royal Rumble is supposed to be about every man for himself.

King, you would do this.

No I would not.

You would do this.

Yeah, if I could find four or five suckers that would play along with it, I might.

Just call up Mid-South.

Holy sh...!

You've gotta be kidding me! Big Daddy Cool Diesel!

WHAT?!

Diesel's back! Diesel's here! 6'11", 311 pounds, from Detroit, Michigan!

This is what it's all about! You never know who's gonna show up!

The former WWE Champion...

Look at the faces!

Look at your face.

King, who will ever forget in 1994 when Diesel entered the Rumble match and eliminated seven men! Nearly seven feet tall! Diesel's back!

[unaware Riley was eliminated] Notice Alex Riley. Alex Riley is being very smart right now.

Where is he?