Mr. Perfect quotes from Royal Rumble

[on entry #21, Aldo Montoya] He's got his jock on the wrong part of his body.

Hair grows back, but, Beefcake, your ribs, they may not grow back the right way.

That was totally uncalled for! To the Royal Rumble—I'm sure you're gonna have to deal with the likes of Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake later on. Thirty of the greatest...what was the number, by the way, that you drew?

I drew the perfect number, and everybody knows the "perfect number" in the Royal Rumble is #30. And you bet I choose #30! I pulled it right out! And I'm gonna tell you something right now, as I'm standing here, the Royal Rumble is gonna be just like everything else I've done in my life—absolutely perfect.

All right, by virtue of winning the Royal Rumble, we have a brand new World Wrestling Federation Champion. As the press watches on, at this time, to present the title belt to the new Champion, our president, the distinguished Jack Tunney.

[shaking Ric's hand and handing him the title] Congratulations, Ric Flair, on becoming the undisputed Champion of the World Wrestling Federation.

Let me just say, after video-distorting the belt that proclaimed me the REAL world's champion, I'm gonna tell you all, with a tear in my eye, this is the greatest moment in my life. When you walk around this world and you tell everybody you're #1, the only way you get to stay #1, is to be #1, and this is the only title in the wrestling world that makes you #1! When you are the king of the WWF, you rule the world! Think about it like that. Mr. Perfect, the Brain — WOO!!!

Let's give a big one...

WOOO!!!

You did it! I was never so impressed with anything I've ever seen in all my life! He went out there for over sixty minutes, never took a bad step! Took it to Hogan, took it to the Undertaker, took it to whoever got in that ring! That's why he is — and you call him now — the real world's heavyweight champion!

Bobby, we're not the kind of guys to say, "we told you so," but we...

Told you so!

Very good. Ric Flair, you have made World — [off-camera] put that cigarette out! — you have made World Wrestling Federation history here tonight.

It's the greatest moment of my life. I wanna jump, I wanna party, but I gotta tell you like this. For the Hulk Hogans, and the Macho Mans, and the Pipers, and the Sids: now it's Ric Flair, and you all pay homage to the man! WOOO!!! I love it!

[after Goldust reverses a waistlock on Razor Ramon and caresses him, who is instantly freaked out] I can't believe what I just saw.

That was a little different.

Maybe Goldust got what he wanted out of this match already.

Oh no, I think this man is cagey, very crafty

Ten-yard penalty for illegal use of the hands.

Is he gonna check him for a hernia next?

Hunter Hearst-Helmsley covered in slop, Backlund covered in slop, here comes the King, he got some of it too.

There's no place for that stinking slop! I think I'm at a Gallagher concert!

Will it be Yokozuna? Will it be the man they call Vader?

I gotta stick with Vader.

And Savio Vega could very well win this thing.

I learned a lot time ago, McMahon, you never make a redhead mad.

[#24 is Steve Austin] He's the winner right there, McMahon. I pick him.

And there's a good look, ladies and gentlemen, at Steve Austin, known as the Ringmaster, on his way. Another Corporate member of Ted DiBiase's Million Dollar Corporation, and you can bet he's definitely gonna make a difference.

Look at this guy, McMahon. The Ringmaster—close enough to perfect for me. He gets my vote right now. Look at the shape this guy's in, look at how aggressive he is, look at how good he looks, reminds me of me so much.

He is cold and calculating for sure.

[#25 is Barry Horowitz] It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's Barry Horriblewitz.

Call him what you will. Barry Horowitz could very well win this thing—anyone can win.

If a nerd ends up at WrestleMania and gets the World Wrestling Federation Champion, I'm getting back in the ring.

Almost anyone would do anything to win this year's Royal Rumble matchup.

If Horowitz wins this match, I quit. You'll never see me again.

[as Diesel clotheslines Kama out of the ring, eliminating him] It's gonna be Diesel, no doubt about it.

Kama eliminated! It's Diesel, it's Michaels...

NO! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! TWO YEARS IN A ROW! That's impossible, McMahon! Impossible!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 1996 World Wrestling Federation Royal Rumble: "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels!

[over announcement] Shawn Michaels is going to WrestleMania!

How does he do that?!

Ladies and gentlemen, Bret "Hitman" Hart has been disqualified...

Aw, come on.

[cont'd] ...as a result of outside interference by Diesel. Therefore, the winner of this match: the Undertaker!

Diesel coming in, blatantly interfering; the Undertaker wants the WWF Championship around his waist. [On Diesel] Look at that steely cold look on the face.

However, the World Wrestling Federation Championship can not change hands on a disqualification.

Oh, boy.

[as Diesel cracks a little smile] And no one knows that better than that man right there.

Yes, that look says it all.

It does, the Undertaker... [Diesel gives the Undertaker the finger] Wait, look what Diesel just did!

Oh, come on!

The Undertaker had piledrived Bret Hart!

He had him beat!

But you'll never know whether or not Bret would've been pinned by the Undertaker.

Of course he'd have been pinned!