Howard Finkel quotes from Royal Rumble

Ladies and gentlemen, as both men were unable to answer at the count of ten, the referee has declared that Triple H is still the World Heavyweight Champion!

Ladies and gentlemen, per order of the chairman, Mr. McMahon, he has ordered that this match be restarted!

How does he get the Gang over the top? That is the question, McMahon. The Gang weighs somewhere between 450-500 pounds—how is Duggan gonna get him over the top rope?

Obviously, he'd have to do what I believe, in some sort of fashion, the Gang's momentum is heading into the rope, and with the Gang going into the rope, Duggan can get underneath, he'll go.

There might be another way too, if he can find the 2x4.

Why's that?

Well, he could hit the Gang with the 2x4. That would be the only equalizer I could see.

Then again, the Hacksaw himself, somewhere around the 285 pound mark...[One Man Gang charges Duggan, who pulls the top rope down. His action sends the Gang over the top rope and onto the floor, winning Duggan the Rumble] Oh yes! That's it!

He pulled the top rope down! I can't believe it. Out of all the people to win this thing, it's him?

What a smart thing to do. Hacksaw Jim Duggan drops the top rope on the One Man Gang!

I can't believe he actually did it.

The winner of the Royal Rumble: Hacksaw Jim Duggan!

You know, with the brain power that Duggan's got, I'll bet you he tripped and fell and the Gang toppled over.

I'll tell you something though, Gorilla. As bad as it looks for the Million Dollar Man right now, don't count him out yet.

Why, because Virgil's still out there?

No, because he's a darn good wrestler.

Oh, there he goes! [Virgil jumps in and attacks Studd] Look out, Virgil from behind. [Studd turns around and fights him throughout] Big John just turned around and faced him, didn't even acknowledge those shots he got. Virgil is indeed in trouble. Just like a rag doll. You're talking about 280 pounds of man there.

This is definitely a little bit of an added attraction, isn't it?

The Royal Rumble is over, John Studd is the winner; he's just having...this is some creme on the cake, Jess.

Well, I got to admit, Virgil kind of brought it on himself. But you got to respect Virgil, he's a paid bodyguard and he came in and tried to do his job.

There goes the 31st man.

Here is your winner of the Royal Rumble: Big John Studd!

Here's the Perfect Plex! [Mr. Perfect plants him] Look at this! He could've pinned him.

[But Hulk Hogan escapes and rises to his knees] NO!

I don't believe this.

Absolutely not. [Perfect tries to attack Hogan, but Hogan begins Hulking up] You're right in saying that Perfect is the freshest of the two, but the other is Hulk Hogan. [On his feet, Hogan now attacks Perfect] And here he comes! [Hogan slingshots Perfect into the turnbuckle]

WHOA! He put him into the post! See what Perfect did to the post!

[Hogan continues to attack Perfect] Actually, he was saved by the post that time, I think.

Saved? How do you get saved hitting the post?

Well, if he hadn't hit the post, he would've gone over the top. [Hogan signals to another corner] There he goes! [Hogan throws Perfect out, winning the Rumble] YES!

I don't believe it!

The winner of the Royal Rumble: World Wrestling Federation Champion Hulk Hogan!

[Hogan takes a sign from the front row and presents it to the crowd. It reads "HULKAMANIA WILL LIVE FOREVER"] YEAH! Hulkamania will live forever!

[Having just thrown Sensational Queen Sherri onto Randy Savage, the Ultimate Warrior is jumped from behind by Sgt. Slaughter] Oh! What a hard knee. [Slaughter bounces Warrior's head on the second rope, attempting to choke him, as referee Dave Hebner gives Slaughter the 5-count. Slaughter breaks at 4. Just as he does, Savage gets up and winds up his scepter] Wait... wait... [Savage crowns Warrior with the scepter] NO!

Oh, look at that! With the scepter right between the eyes! What is this, Hot Rod?!? It's 3-against-1 here!

The referee... The referee, I don't think, saw it! [Slaughter pries Warrior from the second rope] No! [He drops an elbow on Warrior and pins him] No, no, no... not like this!

[as the referee counts] What is this?!?

[The referee counts three] No... oh, wait a second, NOW what? No, no... they can't allow this!

Certainly they're not going to allow this!

No, no... some... there's going to be officials coming out here!

We might have had a disqualification here, I hope.

Well it's obvious! The King came out with a scepter! [Hebner, unsure of what to do, wanders around aimlessly] COME ON!

Everyone in the entire building saw what the Macho King did!

No, this ain't going down like this! [By this time, the crowd is yelling "bullshit!"] What do ya mean, "What happened?" What the hell do ya think happened?

I think the referee, in this excitement, Hot Rod, just automatically went down and made the three-count. [Warrior, having come to his senses, starts to stagger out of the ring] But I think we have a disqualification here.

I hope so. Excitement, hell! He ought to be keeping his eyes on what's going on!

We haven't had any official word yet.

[Warrior runs out of the arena, in hot pursuit of Savage] Where's he going?

I think he's going after the Macho King.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is the official decision. The winner of this bout...and NEW...

NO! NO!

[as he continues, the title belt is handed to Slaughter] ...World Wrestling Federation Champion: Sgt. Slaughter!

Bull! Bull!

What a miscarriage of justice! I can't believe it!

That's bull! You're not gonna let this hang like this! I can't believe this! You puke! It took three of you!

I don't believe it! This is ridiculous! This is an outrage!

[walking down the aisle, pointing to his many detractors] I told you!

You told us what?! You can't do nothing by yourself!

Well he'd better cut that thing in half, Hot Rod, and give half of it to the Macho King!

[Hulk Hogan slams Earthquake after failing to do so earlier] Hulk off... Yes, he got him that time!

[Hogan signals to the crowd] Throw him OUT!

[slowly, Earthquake rises to his feet] I can't believe this, what kind of power the Hulkster possesses... He's setting him up here, look out! [Hogan throws Earthquake out, winning the Rumble] It's over!

What a Rumble!

Here is the winner of the Royal Rumble: the Immortal Hulk Hogan!

Unbelievable victory by that man, Hulk Hogan! What dedication!

What guts! What a Royal Rumble!

[Hogan signals for a sign from the crowd] Well, Hot Rod, he wasn't going to let down our men and women in the Persian Gulf. [The sign says "HULK RULES"] He made a promise that he dedicated this match to all of them, and it doesn't surprise me that he's the last man in the ring.

And at this time, to make a brief statement prior to the Rumble’s beginning, it gives me great a great deal of pleasure to introduce to you the esteemed president of the World Wrestling Federation, Mr. Jack Tunney! [Tunney enters and the crowd boos]

Ol’ Jack "On the Take" Tunney.

Quiet!

Thank you very much Howard. I would like to take this opportunity to officially welcome everyone who is watching this spectacular event with us. This is a very big undertaking for the WWF. The winner of the R—uh, this event will not only have the prestige of beating 29 other men but also be declared the undisputed World Wrestling Federation Champion.

[impatient] Come on let’s go!

Keep your pants on.

I would like to say, in closing, may the best man win! Thank you.

Yeah, yeah yeah.

Thank you Mr. President.

He’s been the best president since Noriega.

Will you be serious?

[as Hogan tries to kick Flair out of the ring] Justice just watching. Flair hooking that bottom rope... [Sid Justice tosses Hogan out completely, eliminating Hogan and allowing Flair to inch back in] And look at from behind, Justice got rid of Hulk!

Uh-oh. I don't like the looks of things now. There are no friends...

[to Hogan, who's complaining to the referees] It's every man for himself, big boy!

There are no friends, only enemies!

Boy, is Hulk upset. Look, he's...he's saying, "you've stolen my belt!" [Hogan grabs Sid's arm, trying to pull him out] Look at this! Hulkster holding on, trying to pull him out. It's Flair from behind.

OH YES! YES! YES YES YES YES...

Flair did it!

YES! YES! YES! YES! He did it! I told you, Monsoon! I told you, Monsoon! I told you, I told you! YES! YES! YES! [continues over Howard's announcement] YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! I told you!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the Royal Rumble and undisputed World Wrestling Federation Champion: Ric Flair!

Flair did it, I don't believe it!

He did it! He did it! I knew he'd do it! I knew he'd do it! All you humanoids know!

What a man Ric Flair proved to be...

I'm gonna meet him! I'm gonna meet him!

Where are you going? The Brain has just left the broadcast position to join the new World Wrestling Federation Champion, Ric Flair! [Hogan and Sid get into a shoving match as several officials get between them] And two would-be champions left inside that ring. Oh, a lot of hatred shown here as we've got all kinds of referees and WWF officials to step between these two behemoths. Look at Justice, look at the Hulkster. He said, "you robbed me of my title." These guys want at each other. Terry Garvin out there, Pat Patterson, Rene Goulet, Tony Garea—I don't know whether there's enough guys out there to keep these two apart. Lot of trouble in paradise here. As the Hulkster was about to, earlier on, get rid of Ric Flair, and Justice was just standing by watching, and then from the back, flipped out the Hulkster. There are no friends in the Royal Rumble. And now there are enemies, that's for sure. Two guys who were odds-on favorites; of course, Ric Flair was a favorite as well, but drawing the number 3, well, just about said goodbye to his chances. [Sid exits the ring] But he proved everybody wrong. Everybody in the world now knows what Ric Flair can do, what kind of man he is.

Come on, shithead! Come on! I'll kill ya!

Fuji's saying "one more time." [Savage gets out of the way, and Yokozuna hits the corner] Oh, look out! He got out of there! Savage still got something left!

He's going up to the top rope! [Staggering, Yokozuna falls to the mat] He's down! Yokozuna's down!

Savage with the elbow. [Savage tries to pin Yokozuna] Pinfalls don't count! [Yokozuna pushes Savage off, over the top and to the floor, winning the Rumble] Oh, there you go!

He threw him off from the floor! He pitched him from the mat over the top rope to the floor!

Let's go and get the official word!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the Royal Rumble: Yokozuna!

Yokozuna on his way to WrestleMania IX! Caesar and Cleopatra, they will be leading the way for Yokozuna to Caesar's Palace for the big one. April 4, WrestleMania IX, Caesar's Palace.

This man is going to become a national hero.

Who is going to defeat this unbelievable individual?

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please! Due to the inability of the official...

Put that chair down!

[cont'd]... to maintain control of this contest, he has declared this match a draw!

I can't believe we're back where we started!

Never before have the first two individuals who have entered the Rumble lasted to the last two! And Michaels just... Can you believe that? Davey Boy kicked him back into the ring.

You gotta keep your feet on the mat, Shawn.

He's outta here, see ya! [Bulldog swings Michaels back into the ring] And again, though, Davey Boy, the momentum bringing Shawn Michaels back in...[Bulldog clotheslines Michaels over the top rope, seemingly winning the Rumble] Forget about it! Forget about it! Michaels has been eliminated! Yes! Yes, it finally has happened! [Bulldog's music plays] It finally has happened! The British Bulldog will go to WrestleMania and face the WWF... [As Bulldog celebrates in the corner, Michaels nails him from behind, sending him over and onto the floor, winning the Rumble] Wait a minute.

What's the deal?

Wait just a minute!

My prediction is true! They're saying that Shawn Michaels has won the Royal Rumble!

Michaels was eliminated by the British Bulldog! Let's go to the announcer to clear it up.

Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has informed me that only one of Shawn Michaels' feet hit the floor.

What?

[cont'd] Therefore, the winner of the 1995 WWF Royal Rumble: The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels!

Wait a minute, we have a replay. We're told we have a replay. Shawn Michaels, ladies and gentlemen, has won this thing. I can't believe it. Let's go to the replay, let's take a look. [The slow-motion replay from the side shows the British Bulldog clotheslining Michaels out of the ring] Well, there it is, right there, the clothesline, he goes over. He's on the apron, he's hanging onto the ropes, and he's... he's... [Michaels holds onto the ropes, flailing his left leg from one side to the other, only allowing his right foot to touch the floor, which referees Tim White and Earl Hebner see]

One.

One foot, one foot.

[as Michaels finally rests his left leg on the ring, both referees call off the announcement. Michaels rolls back in] Look at that! Whoa, whoa!

One foot. One...foot!

There it is! Two referees! Not one, but two referees.

All right, let's go back, ladies and gentlemen. There you have it! Shawn Michaels, being escorted by Pamela Anderson. And Pamela Anderson will lead Shawn Michaels into the ring at WrestleMania!

She is almost as happy right now as she's gonna look with me later on. Look at her. Well, see? She's gonna have some explaining to do to me later on.

Shawn Michaels, ladies and gentlemen. But Pamela Anderson, she doesn't know what quite to make of Shawn Michaels, her boy toy. She wants to get out of there. Nonetheless, she will escort Shawn Michaels to WrestleMania, and Michaels will face the champion! Can you believe this? Michaels, the first man in, and the last man standing.

[as Diesel clotheslines Kama out of the ring, eliminating him] It's gonna be Diesel, no doubt about it.

Kama eliminated! It's Diesel, it's Michaels...

NO! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! TWO YEARS IN A ROW! That's impossible, McMahon! Impossible!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 1996 World Wrestling Federation Royal Rumble: "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels!

[over announcement] Shawn Michaels is going to WrestleMania!

How does he do that?!

Ladies and gentlemen, Bret "Hitman" Hart has been disqualified...

Aw, come on.

[cont'd] ...as a result of outside interference by Diesel. Therefore, the winner of this match: the Undertaker!

Diesel coming in, blatantly interfering; the Undertaker wants the WWF Championship around his waist. [On Diesel] Look at that steely cold look on the face.

However, the World Wrestling Federation Championship can not change hands on a disqualification.

Oh, boy.

[as Diesel cracks a little smile] And no one knows that better than that man right there.

Yes, that look says it all.

It does, the Undertaker... [Diesel gives the Undertaker the finger] Wait, look what Diesel just did!

Oh, come on!

Good-bye Austin! [Bret has thrown Austin out, seemingly eliminating him. The referees fail to notice, distracted by Mankind and Terry Funk brawling]

Austin's been eliminated!

Austin... wait a minute...

He was in there for 34 minutes!

[as Austin sneaks back into the ring] Well the referees didn't see it.

Austin has been eliminated. [Austin eliminates the Undertaker and Vader] Wait a minute, the Undertaker and Vader have both just been eliminated! [Bret eliminates "Diesel"] Diesel's been eliminated as well! And now it's over! [From behind, Austin throws out Bret, winning the Rumble] Oh, no! NO! [The bell sounds]

Wait a minute here.

Here is the winner of the 1997 Royal Rumble: Stone Cold Steve Austin!

He eliminated the Hitman! I didn't actually see Austin's feet hit the floor!

[As Austin leaves, Bret enters the rings berating the referees] Austin eliminated the Undertaker and Vader and Bret Hart, but Austin went out! Bret Hart eliminated Stone Cold and the referees didn't see it, and Bret Hart is not gonna stand for it!

Maybe his feet didn't hit the floor, Ross.

I saw it! I was sitting right here, King! I didn't even see the monitors!

Imagine Bret Hart...imagine what's going on in his mind. Stone Cold was eliminated—we saw it, we called it—the officials were over there with Mankind and Terry Funk and didn't see it.

Bret Hart's obsession with winning the WWF Title is so evident! Bret cannot believe it! Bret Hart eliminated Stone Cold, and neither referee saw it!