CM Punk quotes from Royal Rumble

[to Laurinaitis] Next GTS is for you, Clownshoes!

[after eliminating Evan Bourne and Dolph Ziggler, leaving him alone in the ring] Let me thank you all for joining me tonight in what will be the most historic moment my Straight Edge Society has ever seen. These are just the first of 29 other men that will be thrown over the top rope, or, if they have the courage that the WWE Universe lacks, they can be saved. [The clock counts down from ten seconds] But unfortunately, not everyone can win the Royal Rumble. Excuse me, it's clobberin' time.

Who's the next sacrifice for Ben Grimm?

[after Punk eliminates JTG] You know what the bad news there is, don't you? We're gonna have to listen to CM Punk again.

No, nothing wrong with that.

As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, not everybody can win the Royal Rumble match, just like not everyone can be saved. There are people here tonight that cannot, that will not ever have the reserve and dedication in their heart to follow in my footsteps. [The clock counts down again] Tonight I become the first ever straight edge Royal Rumble match winner.

Oh boy! The Punjabi Playboy.

Let's see if CM Punk can curry favor with the Great Khali.

7'3", 420 pounds, making his fourth Rumble appearance.

CM Punk looking at his Mary Magdalene, Serena. How is Punk going to deal with the Great Khali?

Great Khali, Great Khali, Great Khali, I can save you. Great Khali, I can make you...I can make you greater! I can see the pain in your eyes—you need to be saved! Please, Great Khali, raise your right hand! [Great Khali raises his right hand] Do you accept straight edge into your life?

The straight edge chop.

CM Punk was only trying to save the Great Khali, but...[Khali starts crushing Punk's head] All Khali has to do is pick Punk up and throw him over the top rope.

The skull enveloped in those hands of Khali

Who's gonna save CM right now?

[as the clock counts down] Who will enter at #6?

Could crush his head like a grape.

That's Beth Phoenix.

The Glamazon! Just the second woman in Rumble history.

Are you serious?

[as Phoenix stares into Khali's eyes] Every Superstar is eligible but...really? [Khali picks her up and places her over the top rope onto the apron, pointing her to go back] Khali's the Punjabi Playboy. Gentle.

Chivalry is not dead.

Why does Khali get all the good stuff?! [Phoenix pulls the Great Khali onto the floor, eliminating him, and gets back in the ring] Never trust a woman, look at that!

Beth Phoenix has eliminated the Great Khali!

It was The Shield! The Shield was out here, Punk, and put the guy through the table!

Who?

The Shield, that's who!

I have nothing to do with The Shield!

Seems to me that, CM Punk, your celebration is over! I told you if The Shield got involved in your match-up, we would strip you of the Championship!

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, I know! I know, technically, we couldn't see The Shield involved, right? So that means we're all stupid, it wasn't The Shield? CM Punk, it is my duty as Chairman of the Board...

Oh boy. Yeah!

Oh, shut up, cheerleader.

Oh boy!

...to officially...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We ain't ending this night like that. You don't take it from him. I am. Restart the match now!

This match is over!

[after a few moments of deliberation] You heard the man, restart the match!

That's why The Rock's the People's Champion! Give the people what they want! Give them a conclusion!