You win the Royal Rumble, you headline WrestleMania. You have a choice—which championship do you go after? Which match do you want to be in?
You gotta win the Royal Rumble match first. One of these men looking to live their dreams...[Randy Orton eliminates Wade Barrett] Wade Barrett eliminated...
[Alberto Del Rio gets Randy over the top rope...]
MMMichael and Matt
Yes, do it! Do it!
[...and out to the floor, seemingly winning the Rumble]
Del Rio! Del Rio! Del Rio! Del Rio does it!
Vaya con dios, Alberto Del Rio!
RRRicardo Rodriguez
Cabas y caballeros, su ganador de Royal Rumble eras ALBERTOOO DEL RIIIOOO! (Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the Royal Rumble is Alberto Del Rio!)
Alberto Del Rio is going to WrestleMania!
JJerry
I can't believe it. I can assure you I would've never made this...[Mike Chioda talks with Alberto in the ring after Santino re-enters] whoa, wait a minute.
Folks, remember, King, remember what you said earlier. Remember what you said earlier. Santino was never eliminated, remember? He never went over the top rope! He went underneath the bottom rope!
JJerry
Santino's still in this... [Alberto turns around and walks into Santino's Cobra]
The Cobra! The Cobra! Oh my God! Oh my God! The biggest upset in Rumble history! This is gonna be the biggest upset in Rumble history!
JJerry
Throw him out, Santino! Throw him out!
Santino is gonna go to WrestleMania! Oh my God, you gotta be kidding me!
JJerry
No, this is great!
[Santino runs Alberto to the ropes, but Alberto reverse the run and sends Santino flying out of the ring, finally winning the Rumble]
One more time! Alberto Del Rio is on his way to the main event at WrestleMania!
[In the ring, Rodriguez is singing Del Rio's praises in Spanish]
Viva Del Rio! Viva Del Rio!
JJerry
Can I press 1 for English?
The thing is, Kane says Cena and, in turn, the WWE Universe not embracing hate is a cowardly act. And that's the words of Kane. They live lives filled with delusions, they all wanna cheer for John Cena or at least be a part of his life, or they wanna boo him. They want to live vicariously through Cena. That is a cowardly way out, in Kane's estimation.
JLJerry "The King" Lawler
Well, if you're gonna try to make sense out of anything that Kane thinks, good luck.
[after John Laurinaitis ejects Vickie Guerrero from ringside] Remember, CM Punk defeated Jack Swagger a couple of weeks ago. With that victory, it ensured that Swagger and Guerrero would not be at ringside for this match-up. Great move by Laurinaitis.
BTBooker T
I just think he's sucking up.
Here we go, Punk roll-up, shoulders down, and a kick-out. Sucking up? He followed the rules, Booker. I mean, give the man some credit for once in your life. What, did you have an issue back in the day of WCW with Johnny? That's why you're all upset with this man? Because he was a better worker than you? Because he was a better wrestler than you?
[clearly in disbelief] What? You gotta be kidding me.
I mean, come on now. John Laurinaitis is...he's awesome!
You're talking about a guy who has done nothing in this business, right?
Who, John? He was a world champion in Japan. That's what he was.
JJerry
In the world of Japan.
Yeah, the world of Japan.
JJerry
John Laurinaitis right now... I know you say he's got a lot of things on his plate, a lot of things to take care and be concerned with, but he's got his phone out, he's texting out here.
He just texted me to tell me what a wonderful job I'm doing tonight and how glad he is to have me calling the Rumble.
[Buzzer sounds for entry #8. Alberto Del Rio's music plays]
Alberto Del Rio's back! Alberto Del Rio, last year's Royal Rumble match winner, is back! [Car horn honks] Oh, this is gonna be awesome!
[The car producing the horn drives out.]
What the hell? We got an old 280 Datsun? 280ZX?
JJerry
Hey, that's not Alberto Del Rio! Look!
[as the driver reveals himself to be...] Is that... is that Ricardo?!
JJerry
I don't know, but his back window is a Hefty bag.
It's Del Rio's personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez.
JJerry
And that's his car?!
Well, yeah, you know, he's...never been champion.
Wow, a vintage 1985 Datsun 280Z.
Kofi in trouble from the top rope.
He needs a little bit of help right now. Kofi needs a little help.
[Buzzer sounds for entry #12. Jerry's music plays]
JJerry
Yes, he does, and you know what? What would a Royal Rumble be without a little royalty?!
[as Jerry removes his headset and sweatshirt] You've gotta be kidding me! What are you doing?!
You didn't tell me you was in it, King!
Where are you going?! This is ridiculous!
JJerry
Who's it gonna be?
[Buzzer sounds. Booker T.'s music plays]
NOW YOU?!?!?! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!! NOW YOU?!
JJerry
Go get em, Booker! Go get em, sucka!
Kofi still alive. Hands on the floor. Remember, both feet have to hit the floor. [Miz pushes Kofi's legs away] Oh, my God. Dangerous situation.
[Kofi, now out of the ring, walks on his hands to the steps]
[as Kofi lands his feet on the steps, crawls backwards onto them, and reenters the ring] ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
JJerry
Kofi Kingston, what a move!
That's gotta be the greatest thing I've ever seen!
JJerry
[laughs] Even you admit it, huh?!
Who's gonna enter at #20? I think I know. I got a hunch. I got a hunch. [Buzzer sounds, Nickelback's "Burn It to the Ground" plays, and Michael Cole is revealed as #20. He immediately undresses, revealing his orange singlet] YES! YES! YES!
JJerry
Oh, tell me this is not so. Tell me that Michael Cole is not entering...
What the hell you doing? You're not in the Rumble!
JJerry
Keep your pants on, nobody wants to see... just get in there!
JJerry
Look at Cole avoiding any contact with anybody.
Look at his stomach. I mean, he looks like he's been eating donuts all month.
JJerry
That's the way he works out. [Buzzer sounds for #21] Somebody get in there and get him.
Don't that just break your... [A cackle is heard and Michael Cole is instantly afraid] ohhhh....
JJerry
WHAT?! Wait a minute there, am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?
[as #21, Kharma, walks to the ring] Aww, wait a minute!
JJerry
[laughing] Kharma!
King, check this out. This is only the third time something like this has ever happened. Kharma is about to break somebody off a little something proper-like, dawg!
JJerry
Oh, I hope she goes right after Cole!
I hope she just eat him like a piece of chicken!
JJerry
Michael Cole is already crying, I see tears running down... [Kharma clotheslines Michael] Oh, yes! She knocked his headgear right off!
She's looking at that boy like a chicken bone! She's fixing to eat!
[Michael climbs over the ropes]
[As Michael begs Kharma to go easy on him, Jerry and Booker leave the table and take his legs out from under Michael, eliminating him]
...
You guys just cost me my spot at WrestleMania! I was gonna win the thing!
Trying to help you out, dog.
I didn't wanna touch a woman, that was why I climbed over the top rope!
[As Chris Jericho tries the Codebreaker on Sheamus, he gets caught and dumped over the top rope, but hangs on, avoiding the floor]
No, they didn't hit. The referee's right there; his feet did not hit the floor. This match continues.
JJerry
[as Jericho gets back onto the ring] Once again, Jericho teeters and holds on for dear life.
[Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick on Jericho]
[Jericho falls to the floor, winning the Rumble for Sheamus]
Sheamus is going to WrestleMania!
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2012 Royal Rumble: Sheamus!
Ladies and gentlemen, the Great White is gonna be on the prowl on South Beach! Sheamus is going to WrestleMania!
[on entry #9] It is the Harvard Law School graduate, David Otunga.
JLJohn "Bradshaw" Layfield
All right! Jennifer Hudson's husband!
Otunga entering his third Royal Rumble match. All three of us here at ringside have been part of the Royal Rumble match. John, you've actually been in five in your career; one year, you lasted nearly 36 minutes, as Otunga goes right after Goldust.
You'd been in one, hadn't you, Michael?
Yeah, last year, I lasted...
Did anybody last less than you?
You lasted longer than Jerry Lawler?
Wow. Did you beat him at WrestleMania too?
JLJerry "The King" Lawler
Hey, listen. I've stopped listening, you can stop talking.
Kofi just landed on Tensai's back! Kofi's still alive!
Wait a minute, Kofi's not disqualified!
No, Kofi's still alive. [Tensai puts Kofi Kingston on the Spanish announce table] Kofi didn't hit the floor. Tensai...they gotta get Tensai out of here.
Jerry Now what's Kofi gonna do?
Oh, he's in a predicated now because Kofi's not been eliminated. But how the hell can Kofi Kingston get back to the ring? It's impossible.
He's like a bird when the world's on fire! Where do you land?! [Kingston is now standing on the table, considering jumping to the ring] What's he gonna do now?
What did they use to do in Star Trek, teleport themselves? That's what Kofi'd better try to do here.
Jump! Jump, Carl Lewis, jump for it!
JJerry
I don't think there's anybody that's gonna beam...
He's gonna try! Jump for it!
JJerry
...beam him all the way into the ring.
[A few moments later...]
KKKofi Kingston
[to JBL] The chair!
KKingston
Come on, just give me your chair!
Come on, just give him your chair. He wants it.
[getting up] I gotta see this. I've gotta see this. [JBL hands his chair to Kingston] I gotta see this! I gotta see this! This is gonna be good! I don't know what he's gonna do!
[A few more moments later...]
Meanwhile, high drama, high drama building ringside.
[as Kingston stands on the chair] This is unbelievable!
Kofi's not been eliminated. Kingston is still alive.
[Kofi starts jumping with the chair towards the ring]
JJerry
Look at the referees staring Kofi down.
This is awesome! This is incredible!
He's using the chair like a pogo stick!
Kofi Kingston, give the assist to Bradshaw...
[Kingston gets onto the ring apron and the referees give the safe signal]
That's the craziest thing I've ever seen!
Kofi's still in the Rumble! Now give me my chair back!
[Ryback carries John Cena, who escapes and pushes Ryback...]
JJerry
Oh, whoa-whoa-whoa...
[...over the top rope to the floor, winning the Rumble]
John Cena is going to WrestleMania!
The winner of the Royal Rumble: John Cena!
JJerry
John Cena has done it!
The 10-time WWE Champion is going back to the dance, to the main stage, to the grandest of them all, WrestleMania!
John Cena has made history tonight. John Cena becomes only the fourth man to win two Royal Rumble matches.
[John points to the WrestleMania logo and the fireworks go off]
There was Austin, there was Shawn Michaels, there was Hogan, and now there's Cena!
JJerry
I think we are gonna see the most electrifying move in all of sports!
Look at the people! Look at the people!
JJerry
That's because it's the People's Elbow!
[Just before The Rock can hit the Elbow, the entire arena goes dark. The following is unseen]
What the... who the hell?! Wait a minute! Someone's destroying our announce table! Who the hell is that?! They're attacking Rock! Holy cow, King! King, look at who that is! Oh, my God, it's The Shield!
The Shield! The Shield! That was The Shield! And they just triple-powerbombed Rock through the table! [The lights come back on, revealing The Rock laid out on the dismantled announce table, CM Punk lying in the ring] Ladies and gentlemen, th...King, that was The Shield!
The referee didn't see it! The referee doesn't see it! He has no idea The Shield did that! He's got no idea!
[referee Mike] Chioda, that was The Shield!
I think they did something to the referee too! I think The Shield did something to the referee!