Jim Ross quotes from Royal Rumble

MY GOD!! THE CASKET'S ON FIRE!! THE CASKET'S ON FIRE!!! THAT CASKET IS ON FIRE!! THE UNDERTAKER IS IN THAT CASKET!!!

[as Cena notices Nunzio laying low by the barrier] I think Nunzio's tenure in the Witness Protection Program has just come to an abrupt end.

Severe weather alert: The Hurricane has passed through.

I've been sitting here counting, I'm up to about 54. Why doesn't the referee count Goldust out?

Why don't you ask these questions to Monsoon? He's in charge of the officials. We can't answer those questions, King.

Maybe it's because you would want to be assigned as a guest referee on occasion.

That'd be a good idea.

Yeah, you're right. I'd have already disqualified Goldust.

You'd be the Red Cashion of the WWF.

What? Who?

[as Ahmed Johnson scoops Crush out of the ring] Taking it to Crush, and throwing him out. He's gone! Crush is gone!

Feet didn't hit, did they?

You're right.

That's why the referees are on the outside. No reason for them to be on the inside of the ring.

Both feet- [Johnson leaves the ring (going over the top rope and eliminating himself in the process) to attack Faarooq] wait a minute, wait a minute, Ahmed just eliminated himself! There's Faarooq! Ahmed going after Faarooq! Ahmed eliminated himself, and Crush is in the ring all alone!

He is an idiot.

[Austin eliminates Bart Gunn] The first time Bart held on, the second time he couldn't. And once again, Stone Cold Steve Austin is picking 'em off one at a time.

[as Austin, all by himself, does push-ups in the ring] Look at this. Please.

And he's telling us all he's in great shape. He's in fightin' shape.

He's in great condition, all right.

I'm sure he's been in a few barroom brawls.

[Austin now sits on the top corner] Look at this, patiently awaiting the next individual to come out. You talk about a man with a nasty temperament. [Austin looks at his wrist like a watch] Well, his watch is working as well as ours.

[#13 is Owen Hart] Oh, no, it's Bret Hart's "stinking rotten" brother, as Bret would say...

What?!

...Owen Hart.

You mean the whiner? He whines about everything.

Listen to you guys, he's a Slammy Award winner!

[as Bulldog attempts to eliminate Austin] Austin's going for the ride!

Yes!

Hey, wait a minute.

I think that was Owen who eliminated Bulldog.

[as Owen and Bulldog argue] Owen Hart trying to... the Bulldog is angry.

Bulldog just called Owen an idiot!

They're tag team partners, they're Tag Team Champions!

They're brother-in-laws!

He flipped me out!

So what, you whiner. It's every man for himself.

I understand that, although Owen was professing that it was an accident. He was...

Probably was.

...attempting to get Stone Cold Steve Austin out.

Owen hasn't told the truth since the King was a prince.

Oh listen to you now.

Stone Cold Steve Austin, and you gotta get credit where it's due. You may not like Stone Cold, you may not like his attitude, but Austin is a competitor.

While these 60,000+ fans I'm assuming appreciate Austin's intensity, they certainly do not appreciate his attitude.

Who will be next? Who will face Stone Cold Steve Austin in less than ten seconds?

The quicker he can eliminate them, the more time he has to rest. [Time expires; #21 is Bret Hart. Austin is shocked at Bret's music.] Uh-oh.

YES! YES! YES!

Watch this. [Time expires, and Jerry Lawler's music plays, revealing that he is #22] Oh, yeah! Hey, McMahon, watch this, baby!

I can't believe it! You are in it!

[removing his jacket and headset] I said it once, and I'll say it again—it takes a king!

Jerry "The King" Lawler sneaking up behind the Hitman Bret Hart!

I think we just saw a record broken! I think Lawler has just broken the record!

I think you just said it takes a king...

[putting headset back on] To know a king, McMahon! I told you!

Told us what?

It takes a king to know a king!

Bret Hart thought this morning, when I talked to him on Superstars, that he shouldn't even have to be in this matchup, that he should've come into the Royal Rumble as the WWF Champion.

He shouldn't have even been in this matchup!

That's what I just said.

Not because he should be the champion, it's because he shouldn't even be in the WWF! He's a jerk!

The Hitman is concentrating on Stone Cold. If it comes down to the Hitman and Stone Cold, I say it'll be the Hitman; if it comes down to Terry Funk and Vader, Vader.

Stone Cold Steve Austin has been in the ring for over forty minutes.

If it comes down to Undertaker and anybody, Undertaker.

I'll tell you, I cannot imagine the fatigue, the exhaustion that must be riveting the body of Stone Cold Steve Austin after forty minutes of hell with these guys.

I'm not even tired.

You must have amnesia.

Good-bye Austin! [Bret has thrown Austin out, seemingly eliminating him. The referees fail to notice, distracted by Mankind and Terry Funk brawling]

Austin's been eliminated!

Austin... wait a minute...

He was in there for 34 minutes!

[as Austin sneaks back into the ring] Well the referees didn't see it.

Austin has been eliminated. [Austin eliminates the Undertaker and Vader] Wait a minute, the Undertaker and Vader have both just been eliminated! [Bret eliminates "Diesel"] Diesel's been eliminated as well! And now it's over! [From behind, Austin throws out Bret, winning the Rumble] Oh, no! NO! [The bell sounds]

Wait a minute here.

Here is the winner of the 1997 Royal Rumble: Stone Cold Steve Austin!

He eliminated the Hitman! I didn't actually see Austin's feet hit the floor!

[As Austin leaves, Bret enters the rings berating the referees] Austin eliminated the Undertaker and Vader and Bret Hart, but Austin went out! Bret Hart eliminated Stone Cold and the referees didn't see it, and Bret Hart is not gonna stand for it!

Maybe his feet didn't hit the floor, Ross.

I saw it! I was sitting right here, King! I didn't even see the monitors!

Imagine Bret Hart...imagine what's going on in his mind. Stone Cold was eliminated—we saw it, we called it—the officials were over there with Mankind and Terry Funk and didn't see it.

Bret Hart's obsession with winning the WWF Title is so evident! Bret cannot believe it! Bret Hart eliminated Stone Cold, and neither referee saw it!

You want to talk championships, you gotta be talking about the World Wrestling Federation championship, in a match that Bret Hart wishes that he was in and apparently it looks like it just won't happen. And you can hear everyone booing. A very unpopular decision, the way that Stone Cold Steve Austin "won" the Royal Rumble.

Well quite frankly, it was a...I don't wanna say it was a bad call. Both officials were on one side of the ring. That's bad officiating, folks! That's why we have two officials. The referees were out of position. Bret Hart's got a very legitimate gripe.

Please stop whining! It's the referee's decision! The decision's been made and it's final. How many times have you watched a baseball game or a football game, and the replay shows something different from what the referee saw? It's over!

[#6 is Phineas Godwinn] He's 6'7", 300+ pounds, he's about a biscuit away from 315. It's Phineas Godwinn — living proof of what happens when first cousins marry.

I'm gonna tell you something — we're fixin' to have five WWF Superstars in the ring and only one brain between them, and that's in the head of The Rock.