Morty quotes from Rick and Morty

Another adventure where I went up an ass!

Oh, good, are we having this fight again? L-Let me guess: You're gonna leave, or-- or throw a sulking fit?

You think you know everything, Rick, but you're-- you're basically just a giant eight-year-old!

I'm not doing this anymore! Either you're in or you're out, Morty! I-I'm tired of you weaponizing this half-assed threat! You want out, then fucking quit!

You know what? You're right. Sorry to be such a high-maintenance Morty. W-Why don't I get you a drink?

[burp] O-Oh! Oh, hey, Morty...

Hey, Rick. You drunk yet?

You're my little buddy, [burp] you know that? I-It's-- It's you and me, Morty. Uh, Rick-- Rick and Morty, one hundred years, forever!

Yeah, pal. Rick and Morty. A hundred years. Forever.

Ge-Get off me! What are you-- What are you doing?!

If you're seeing this, you're me - except, you know, less. But you acted like you were better, so I killed your beloved Diane. Partly to devastate you, mostly so I only have to record one message. Some of you may have noticed that it's not just your Diane that's gone. She’s also been erased from every universe across infinity. And you might be wondering why.

I'd rather hear how.

Diane was wiped from all existence by the Weapon Too Cool for a Name...

The Omega Device.

...known to inferiors as the Omega Device.

I heard the name from an inferior.

I upgraded this thing, by the way. This new version can fire more than once. So now I can erase your family, one by one, until you finally learn your lesson! Which you won't, so then I'll kill you too... I'll do that the old fashioned way. Okay, family-killin' time! Let's start small - still family, though.

Where am I?! Two Ricks?! Where's my wife?! I was just with my wife!

Uncle Slow!

What the-- "Uncle Slow"? Slow Mobius?

Yeah, this one hurts me, too.

[slow motion, tearing up] NOOOOOOOOO!

[mouthing in slow motion] What the fuck?

Kind of the worst possible time to use his powers! He just made the death happen slower!

I'LL KILL YOU! [charges Rick Prime]

Okay, I think I'm getting the pic-- [gets shocked by a device linked to his forehead] OW! Frying my backups. Smart. So you're, like, an "Evil" Morty? A clever one? [gets shocked again] OW! All right, never been a sidekick guy, but I'm starting to see the value. You want a job? We could be like Batman and Robin.

Eh. I don't need a Robin.

[gets shocked again] Okay, seriously, what is this? Wha-What, are you gonna "aw jeez" me to death? [as Evil Morty accesses the Omega Device] Oh, you don't want those schematics, buddy. Those are for grownups.

Uh-huh. [drags in a mangled Rick and revives him]

Oh, isn't this great? Okay, all right, I get it.

[coughs and groans] What? [sees Rick Prime] Oh shit...

[nodding] Mm-hmm. Knock yourself out. [leaves]

Listen! Rick to Rick - he's got the weapon plans. Buddy! Nip this in the bud! He's fourteen, what's gonna happen the next time he gets mad at Grandpa?!

[laughs] Let's do this, then!

You're welcome, by the way! I made you! I showed you infinity! And what did you do with it?! Hang out with my grandson?! Raise echoes of my daughter?! [laughs] What's your life without me?!

Let's find out.

[coughing and laughing] Admit it! You would've been me! I just walked into your garage before you walked into mine! But eventually, you did! YOU LIVED IN MY HOUSE!

There's our guy.

Rick! I-Is it over? I-Is... is he...?

Not exactly an "alive" amount of blood. How's it feel? Better? No? Exactly the same? Yeah, it always does. Hope you're happy with your choice.

Fuck off!

I'm gonna. Just don't force me to improve on the design. I can end the Rick experiment any time I want.

Why threaten? Why not just do it?

Because using a weapon like this doesn't get you left alone, Morty. Think I want a bunch of vengeful Summers coming after me? You are a little different though, Rick. Maybe I can use that someday. [activates a yellow portal] Seriously, though – fuck you. Don't come after me. It won't go well. [leaves through it]

Morty, that was just an old man rambling at us.

People died, Rick!

So, by your logic, 9/11 was an adventure? Tweet it, see who agrees.

Very well! Bear witness to 9/11!

NO!

What do you say, Rick? Fly through space, come upon something, maybe I have a moral objection, stuff gets messy and you ultimately bail us out?

Let's take it for a spin! Rick and Morty, we're back, baby!

Mr. Goldenfold

In conclusion, without math, planes wouldn't fly and elephants would forget. What is that sound? Who is using airbuds to listen to rap music?!

Sorry, Mr. Goldenfold!

Mr. Goldenfold

Detention! Class dismissed early so Morty can have instant detention!

Mr. Goldenfold

You're coming with me, Morty!

Why?!

Mr. Goldenfold

It's called "detention", not "released-tion!"

Yo Chuck, it's Marvin! Your cousin, Marvin Z.? Ay, you know that new sound you lookin' for? Well listen! To! This! [He farts into the phone.] Ha! Got you again, motherfucker!

Wow! Y-You think that guy's cousin wo-would stop taking his calls.

Mr. Goldenfold

That's not the point!

It seems kinda obvious that these scribbles are, like, the original species that Letters and Numbers came from. So that relic thing probably isn't a "1" or an "I", i-it's probably just, like... a line? It's symbolic of the fact that your people don't need to be at war!

...how do I know you, again?

"Get Schwifty?"

It's still nothing. So mind your damn business!

At least we agree on that.

Mr. Goldenfold

Looks like your detention is officially over.

Why?

Mr. Goldenfold

You finally learned how hard it is to teach.

No, I didn't.

Mr. Goldenfold

Then you... learned how hard it is to learn.

I already knew.

Mr. Goldenfold

Just go to bed, you ungrateful shit!

Jerry

Great, so there's a Heaven! Glad you could learn that by murdering me eight times!

He's got kind of a point, Rick. If you wanna get into heaven, can't you just stop being an asshole?

First of all, I don't wanna "get into" anywhere. I wanna tap this para-dimension's energy. Secondly, you wouldn't catch me dead in Jerry's generic-ass 1980s concrete-and-fog-machine Heaven.

Jerry

Well guess what? You aren't welcome there!

You raise a good point, Jerry. Obviously by accident, my intact consciousness is too atheistic to get channeled to any afterlife worth robbing. It's a paradox. Unless... Morty, pack your parka. We're going to Norway.

Ugh...

Or I could augment your skin with subdermal heaters--

I'll pack a parka!

Look at this little one! You must be made of piss and dragon balls to reach Valhalla at your age!

Oh, yeah! Y-Y-Yeah, man! Dragon Balls all day!

Jesus Christ, Rick, just apologize! Y-You assumed Bigfoot was dumb, which was dumb of you!

[ashamed] You're right, Morty. Underestimating people only gives them the high ground.

[tapping his wrist gauntlet to speak] Admit why you bullied me.

Because I thought it was funny that you were stupid.

People are intelligent in different ways.

I know, I know. I-I'm clearly stupid at knowing when other people are smart. [Bigfoot grips him in both hands] Listen, I-I know you can't tap your gauntlet, but I-I'll take a guess at what you're saying: you hate me for torturing you to get what I want--

Rick!

But I only used you to kill myself! How many people have you killed for the Pope?!

Huh?

Help me stop him and I'll make it right. [Bigfoot puts him down] For starters, here. [tampers with Bigfoot's speech gauntlet with a screwdriver]

[in a deeper voice] Ow! That hurt. [smiling] Wait a second...!

Yeah, hands-free. Also upgraded that voice.

Thank you! [in Don LaFontaine style] "In a world where time actually is money..."

Oh, I-I-I think I know this movie!

You guys can do this bit at the Vatican. Let's go.

Fear Hole Demon

For guys like you -- y'know, who've seen it all -- there's only a few real fears left to conquer, and one of them is right. Down. Here.

Okay, what the hell?

Y-- Yeah, this is punching down. Denny's is a nice chain that gives people starchy food when they're up late.

It's a hack joke, buddy.

Fear Hole Demon

Nope, this is the place! Good luck to both of you, I'm gonna get myself a Slam.

He just... wanted a ride, right?

He certainly took us for one.