Morty quotes from Rick and Morty

So, what are you? Like, the Hole? The Hole's promoter? The-- The Hole's intern?

Fear Hole Demon

Is there a Hole here?

Right. I-I'm-- I'm supposed to go in there and be shocked that there's no Hole, or that there is a Hole. What difference would it make?

Fear Hole Demon

Hm. You are hard to scare.

And Rick isn't. Right? The-- The Hole's gonna like, suck on him forever because his big secret is that he's got the most fear?

Fear Hole Demon

Well, we can certainly say you're not afraid to be reductive. I doubt your grandpa has more fear than the average asshole at a Denny's.

[offscreen] Hey!

Fear Hole Demon

[to Patron] Sorry. [to Morty] If anything, he seems pretty brave! Certainly not afraid to die. Maybe that makes his fear extra... delicious. [takes a long swig of coffee.]

So what? He's scared of love?

Fear Hole Demon

Everyone's scared of love, dipshit, you learn that in your twenties. It takes a very rare, very powerful being to be... terrified of happiness.

Dumb.

Fear Hole Demon

You're dumb. That's why you're not scared to be happy. The smarter you are, the more you know. Happiness is a trap; it can't last forever. Let's say you meet the love of your life - well, it's still gonna end. It's inevitable, whether by the slow pull of a disease or the shock of loose footing on a hiking trail. Whether it be the corrosion of two personalities that reshape each other until they're incompatible, or maybe the ol' stranger in a bar that says the things that need to be said to that person, that night. The point is, happiness always ends. Best case scenario - think about this, best case - is that you die at the same time. Yikes.

Can't the Hole just let me go, then? Sounds like I don't matter...

Fear Hole Demon

You don't. But if you go, you'll take him away. Don't worry, Rick will die before accepting happiness. After that, we'll chase you with some clowns or some dumb shit like that, but grandpa? [chuckles] Yummy-yummy grandpa's gonna die. Just. Like. Diane. [laughs maniacally as lightning flashes]

Maybe there's no way out? Maybe we were born here?

C'mon, we're gonna get through this.

I-I'm staying here--

No. We're Rick and Morty. I'm not leaving without you.

What did-- What did you say?

I said I'm not leaving you in here. C'mon, you're irreplaceable!

What?

Oh, my God! I-I-I know what I'm afraid of! I-I'm afraid that you'd never say that in real life! I'm afraid that if I jumped into a hole, you wouldn't even bother jumping in after me! Y-You'd just stand there and watch! This entire thing has been about me! You're not even in the Hole, are you?!

Fear Hole Demon

Thank you for visiting the Fear Hole, Morty. Your fear of relying on Rick has been... delicious.

DEAR GOOOOOOD!!!

Listen, if this is about the beers, Morty's cool. He has, like, four Purple Hearts.

Five. Those and a nickel will get you a cup of coffee.

Ho-ho! Disillusioned Morty! Love this guy!

Summer

I know you lost a brother in there. Don't make me lose you.

It's like the pain is all I have left of him! But-- But he's gone! He never existed in the first place!

Summer

Don't say that! Without you and your friends, we never would've escaped the Matrix!

Rick! He-- He would've woken up and let us out!

Summer

On whose terms?! He would've wiped us clean before our eyes were open, and then they'd really be gone! All of them! CJ. Chaplock... Marmaduke, um...

8-Ball! Jesus!

Summer

I-- I'm... I'm sorry, Morty. You get to decide now. What do you wanna do?

I wanna go home.

Summer

Yeah. Let's go home.

What the FUCK?!

I-I-It was his idea! Don't hurt us, I'm not a real doctor!

What are you doing here?! Get the fuck outta my car!

We're coming with you to rescue our friends.

I'm not going to rescue your friends – I'm going to kill those guys who stole my shit!

Yeah, exactly. It's the same guys.

[nodding] It is the same guys...

Flush us into space or keep driving.

Fuckin' Mortys...!

Jerry

Doesn't anyone celebrate Easter anymore? I-I don't wanna force people to go to church or anything, but--

Can you even tell me what Easter is about?

Jerry

It's when Christ was born. Or... was murdered, maybe, I don't know. But we eat candy to remember. It's important!

Jerry, if it wasn't for the aisle at Costco, you wouldn't even know it was happening.

Yeah, Dad. Example: when's Christmas?

Jerry

December 25th.

And what's today's date?

Jerry

I... A-- Ap-- April!

You're about to learn the tragic fate of the Oak Point High lacrosse team, but this podcast won't cash in on their specific and particularly gruesome group decapitation.

[turns off the radio] Too bad. Someone else will.

It's a big market, man.

Morty, don't just respond, find a podcast without scruples.

Cryoship detected.

Ooh, power's still online? [belches] What do you think, Morty? A bunch of sleeping beauties - wanna go tap on some glass?

Err, that could be fun! W-We haven't done one of those in a while.

Welcome to Bloodbath, the podcast that's only grisly details!

[belches again] Now we're talking!

[kissing Morty] Ooooh, say something racist!

What?!

Come on! You're human, it's your whole thing.

Uh... Italians make... pretty... pretty good pizza?

No, do it hateful, you disgusting little bug.

[hearing the destruction outside] Uh... did you hear that?

Now you're pretending there's some kind of emergency?! I tried to be vulnerable with you! If you don't think I'm pretty, just say so.

[pushing her away] I'm sorry, but I-I'm not some sexual fantasy. I'm a whole person!

Come on! You guys basically invented racism! If I wanted to fuck something good, I wouldn't have come to Earth World!

What the fuck are you doing here? Are you gonna replace me?

Not sure what you're talking about?

Uh-huh, homewrecker!

You see this? All this messy... whatever this is? It's weakness.

Fuck you.

Ha! You know what? Maybe I will steal your grandpa. But not because I love him... Because you do. Here we go! Two kinds of milkshakes for the two kinds of Mortys -- the one who does whatever he wants and the one who sucks my grandpa's dick. You know what? I'll drink both milkshakes.