White House Aide 1 quotes from Rick and Morty

I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math. This head won’t go away until Uhh-Earth shows them it’s got... [dramatically] a hit song!

You mean like Vivaldi?

No, Frasier - a live performance of a newly written, catchy, original song. The Cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved lifeforms.

All right, all right, thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream. [silence] The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies” - you people haven’t heard of The-Dream?

You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51.

How do you know about that?

For God’s sake, Nathan, the man turns people into snakes. He can use Google Maps!

Sir? Pharrell, Newman, Corgan, and that Dream guy - they’re all dead.

What? How is that possible? Do people just die when I name them?

Israel and Palestine have announced a permanent ceasefire.

What?

They signed something called the "Pretty Obvious If You Think About It" accord. Apparently, an anonymous American diplomat took them to a Star Wars cantina, where they smoked perspective-enhancing alien pheromones through a laser hookah.

I still say it has to be Putin.

IT WAS RICK AND MORTY, YOU FUCKING DUNCE!

But you're getting the credit, sir. Your approval rating just hit 100%. Why would Rick and Morty want that?

BECAUSE THEY'RE ASSHOLES!

Jesus! He's not a fucking god!

You don't know what I am! And you don't know what I can do!

Jeez, it's... it's cool, Rick--

I'm Doctor Who in this motherfucker! I could be a clone! I could be a hologram! We could be clones controlled by robots controlled with special headsets that the real Rick and Morty are wearing while they're fucking your MOTHER!

[enraged] I'm going to KILL YOU!

Then come to 312 Olive Street!

[worried] Is that her address?

You don't know, because you're a bad son!

House, I need something quick. Can you whip up a Star Fox boss season four callback? Make it flashy?

You got it, babe.

[to himself] Let's go, you little bitch. [slaps himself] It's showtime. Get centered.

What up, you decoy motherfuckers? Come on down to Rick's house of squids, where I'm serving your ass on a platter! I know what you're thinking: "Fuck, a beacon! That's a great idea! He's got home turf, a tacit psychological advantage, and absolutely pendulous balls!" And now you're thinking "shit, that's totally what the Rickest Rick would do! I might actually be fake! I pretended I didn't care if I was, but I totally did! Now the only way to prove I'm real and not him is to ice his expository ass." Yup. So let's do it. Come get some. What? No, Morty, I'm gonna loop it. Why is it–