Tommy Gavin quotes from Rescue Me

Uncle Teddy

Where's Elvis?

Tommy

What?

Uncle Teddy

Isn't this heaven?

Tommy

No, it's my garage.

Uncle Teddy

Goddamn it! I'm alive. Shit!

Tommy

I think you asked for what? Four grand? There's about six or seven here.

Janet

Where did you get it, Tom?

Tommy

The harder I work, the luckier I goddamned get.

Tommy

[About Sean's picture in the Fireman's calendar] You look like the Marlboro Man.

Sean

Really?

Tommy

Yeah. If the Marlboro Man smoked cock instead of cigarettes.

Tommy

Did you go outside like that?

Uncle Teddy

Like what?

Tommy

Like that. With your joint hangin' out.

Uncle Teddy

Hey, you got issues with the human body, that's your problem. That's your shame-based religious upbringing rearing its ugly head.

Tommy

Speakin' of ugly heads.

Uncle Teddy

Don't lay your issues on me. I got no problem being naked.

Tommy

Oh, yeah? Why don't you go upstairs and look in the mirror? I think there's more than one problem goin' on down there.

Uncle Teddy

Hey, Tom. I made chili.

Tommy

Yeah, no shit. What did 'ya do, mix it with a goddamn shotgun?

Tommy

It's gonna drive me crazy, not that you don't have a lock on that particular skill, right now.

Why do you have to be such an asshole?

Tommy

Practice.

Lou

Maybe we should uh, go up and talk to the tree. I mean, it looks like an accident but you never know.

Tommy

Well, there might be a couple of scrubs up there that saw somethin'. I say we go up, uproot the whole goddamn garden and bring it in for questioning.

Lou

You know, just 'cause it's vegetation it thinks it can get away with this shit.

Tommy

Shameful.

Lou

It really is.

Sean

It's a nice view, huh?

Tommy

Yeah. It'll never be the same for me.

Franco

Yeah, me either.

Laura

Even when they put up whatever it is that they're puttin' up.

Franco

It's like they're tryin' to erase what happened. You know?

It's insulting. Remember when they had those spotlights right after 9/11? I couldn't take that. I like it like this... empty. Just the way those scumbags left it. No spotlights, no new buildings, just empty.

Tommy

Yeah. That's the thing about the spotlight, you know. Walk out into it and at first everybody thinks they see a good-lookin' all-American hero. But then you stay out there long enough and you know, they start to notice certain things. Maybe your nose is a little crooked, you know, maybe your teeth are too crooked. Maybe you got a little scar on your upper lip. Your hair's not right. One eye's bigger than the other. Next thing 'ya know they think they're lookin' at some kinda goddamn monster. Like they're lookin' at King Kong. Then they start throwin' shit at 'ya.

Lou

Well, I'll tell ya one thing. That morning they threw a couple a jets into a couple a buildings. And they threw at us the biggest job in the history of our profession. And what do we do? We gave up 343 of our guys to save... at least 10,000.

Tommy

Yeah. And look at us now: Three years later and still waitin' for a goddamn raise. I'll tell 'ya what guys, we were on our own that morning and we're still on our own today.

Tommy

I got this new girlfriend, and uh, she's really into antiques. Uh, and I remember that antiques shop up here and I went over to look at---

Lou

[interrupting] Who the hell do you think you're talking to asshole? I've helped you concoct some of the most bullshit cover stories---

Tommy

[talking over Lou] This is not a concoction, okay?

Lou

---Under the worst possible pressure situations okay?

Tommy

I have a new girlfriend, okay?

Lou

[mocking] Antiques, and my new girlfriend. Why don't you kiss my goddamn giant Irish pisshole? I've seen you out here in your truck 10, 20, times in the last three months. I figure you must to desperate to know what's going on so I figured I come out here and fill you in.

Tommy

[About a woman who's reportedly trapped on the third floor, after the newspaper called the FDNY racist] Is she black?

I guess so. Given the neighborhood I guess. Why?

Tommy

Well, we're racists. Just think how much easier it would be if we only had to save the white people.

Sean

[laughs] Or even, you know, models.

Tommy

There you go.

Sheila

[in baby talk] The diddle baby wants his big Daddy to bring some more soupy. Do you think that big Daddy can bring some more soupy-woupy?

Tommy

That had better be the baby talking because if it's you, big Daddy's gonna come home and punch you right in the neck.

Hey, it's not about the money, Tommy.

Tommy

Well, then what's it about? Go ahead Dad and enlighten me.

It's about the sex.

Tommy

Oh, Christ.

Now, let me tell you something my cock still functions and this broad thinks I'm funny and I get to bang her for free.

Tommy

This is the big emergency that you had me come over and help you with?

Sheila

Yeah. An emotional emergency.

Tommy

Do me a favor: Next time call the hormone hot line.

Sheila

Hey, retard! I got neighbors.

Sorry!

Tommy

[to Sheila] He really is retarded.

Sheila

Really?

Tommy

Yeah.

Sheila

[to Paulie] Sorry!

What?

Tommy

Shut up! [to Sheila] You know, I have to go to work, I have to drop him off blah blah blah.

Sheila

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I an inconvenience to you? Oh, yeah. I must be a big fat inconvenience to you. [Tommy starts walking towards his truck] Right? Unless of course you've got no place to go or you're lonely or you're looking for some place to park your cock.

Tommy

Talk to you later.

Sheila

Oh that's perfect. There's a picture I can't get enough of. You walking away. Hey, you have no responsibility here, too bad you're not married, you don't have to handle it right? You big pussy! [starts crying and Tommy starts his truck]

Tommy

You got a girlfriend, Paulie? [Paulie shakes his head] I think I'm the retarded one.

Mickey

I used to hear voices the first two months I was sober. Sometimes I thought, you know, it was like God; sometimes it was Satan.

Tommy

Two months?

Mickey

Yep. God was tellin' me I was a worthless piece of shit, Satan's tellin' me I'm God's gift.

Tommy

What did God sound like?

Mickey

Tom Hanks.

Tommy

Figures.

Mickey

Satan was a doubleheader: one minute, he's like Jack Nicholson; the next, you know, like Hillary.

Franco

[to Laura] The point is this we all use every ethnic and personal slogan in the book against each other. You name it we say it.

Tommy

It's true. Cock-breath.

Franco

Shithead.

Sean

Asswipe.

Mike

Numb nuts.

Tommy

Ball brains.

Franco

Shit for brains.

Sean

Dipshit.

Mike

Pussy.

Tommy

Prick.

Franco

Dick.

Sean

Scumbag.

Tommy

Dick face.

Franco

Ape ass.

Mike

Ape face.

Tommy

Pencil dick, tight ass, needle dick.

Franco

Yeah. And that's not even getting into any of the gay stuff.