TV show quotes
(whistling, sighs) How many times do I have to tell them? Close the garage door when you're finished painting it! (shuts the garage door) What the...? Didn't I just close that? (opens the garage door, then closes it then growls)
Coming through!
Pops, no!
(Pops' car crashes into the garage door)
Bad... show.
MORDECAI & RIGBY!!!
Pops, are you okay?
(groans) Optical illusion.
Don't worry, sir! Thanks to the jaws of life, you'll never get trapped in an enclosed space again.
Whoa!
Where'd you get that?
It came with the truck.
What were you two thinking?!
It was just a joke!
Yeah, we were going to paint over it after our break!
Well, how's this for a joke? Buy a new garage door by the end of the day or you're fired!
(Laughing calmly then turned angrily)
(Laughing)
This sandwich cost me $85!
But you said we could order any sandwich we wanted!
I did. I said that. Now listen to ME as I say this. If you two don't eat this entire sandwich by the end of the day, YOU'RE FIRED!!
Hmm. You OK, dude? You seem a little on edge. You and CJ?
What's to decide? I'm with CJ. We're happy. It's good.
Uh huh.
(slightly annoyed) What? I said it's fine. Just leave it. Besides, no offense, dude, but what would you know about relationships, anyway?
Well, actually, smart guy, l -- Eh..
Actually What?
SPILL IT!
[shouts fastly] EILEEN AND I ARE DATING!!
FOR LIKE, A COUPLE OF MONTHS NOW!!
WE HAVE MATCHING BRACELETS!!
Ah, dude! That's crazy! Why didn't you tell me until now?
We didn't want to shove our happiness down your throat too much. Well, I mean, I wanted to shove our happiness down your throat, but Eileen told me not to.
Ah, dude. I'm happy too. I swear. Everything's fine.
[interrupting] Muscle Dad is right! Finding the right person is hard. You know, for a while, I've been telling myself there's no such thing as soul mates, but now I'm not so sure. Look at Muscle Man and Starla. [pans to the couple as they look at each other] It's like they were designed for each other. [cuts to Mordecai with the wedding crowd in front of him] So where's my soul mate? Are they in this room? It could be anyone. [points towards Quips and Monica] Maybe it's you. [points at an old lady] Maybe it's that really old lady, I don't know!
[whispers angrily] Why are you talking?!
Oh, uh, right. My point is, I...
[stammers] I don't know if there's one perfect person out there for me, but I know that for a long time, I've been ignoring my gut. [cut to CJ, who’s look of shock turns into a glare] Because I didn't wanna hurt anyone, but instead of saving their feelings, it's just made everyone around me miserable. For the first time, I'm gonna take Rigby's advice. [walks over to CJ] CJ, I need to tell you--
[stands up in an embarrassed manner] Mordecai, just stop! I already know what you're gonna say, so save it.
I--
(tears welling) You don't know who your soul mate is?
(sighs) Here. (She hands him the charm bracelet from "Real Date") You didn't even point in my direction.
CJ!
[angry] Yo, Mordo, if you're finished hijacking my wedding, is it okay if we get married now?
[angry] The sooner we finish this, the sooner we can start up these fryers!
Oh, uh, sorry. (runs off)
Rigby, did you clean out the gutters yet?
No way. That's a two-man job.
Well, where's Mordecai?
I don't know. I haven't seen him.
Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since C.J. dumped him at Muscle Man's wedding.
Yeah, no one has. He hasn't come to work for two weeks now. I tried calling, but he won't pick up.
What? No, here. I'll call him. [grabs his phone from inside the couch and speed dials Mordecai's number; a vibration is heard and he hears it from the couch; opens Mordecai's phone and saw 300+ missed calls from Benson] Huh, that's not like Mordecai.
[frustrated] I can't believe this! You don't even know where your best friend is?
Hey, I've been busy. [signs to which means hanging out with Eileen]
Look, I'm just concerned about the well-being about my employees as any park manager, but I've got a business to run in. If you don't find Mordecai and bring him back to work by tomorrow, then I'm gonna have to fire him.
[shocked] What?! [stands up on the couch] Wait! I can find him!
Well for your sake I hope so, otherwise you'll be cleaning the gutters solo from now on.
[answering a call from Eileen] Hello?
Hey, I checked from Margaret. She hasn't seen or heard from Mordecai.
Yeah, his parents don't know where he is, either.
And I don't think he'll be hanging out with C.J. anytime soon. Well, I'll start putting these flyers around town. Hopefully a hundred should be enough. [takes out flyers of Mordecai missing posters]
Well, I'll be privileging his personal stuff he doesn't like me touching, see ya. [hangs up; takes Mordecai's mattress off his bed and sees a note reading "Dumptown U.S.A."; picks up the note and reads it] "Dear Mordecai, stop wallowing in your lady woes and come have sodas…"
[narrating] "…With other single bros! There's a place with hot sandy beaches and an All-You-Can-Eat buffet! So pick up your sax and jam with the crew in Dumptown U.S.A.! Signed, Sad Sax."
[annoyed] Uh, Sad Sax Guy, I should have known! At Dumptown U.S.A.? That sounds so lame! I bet nobody's ever been to this place.
[off-screen] I have. [Rigby turns to him and later brings him into his office] Dumptown is a refuge for guys who have recently been dumped, a place where they can forget about their breakups and embrace their newfound single-hood.
Wow. That's depressing.
Oh, no! Dumptown is great!
We've been here for four hours.
[whispering] What are you doing? You're acting like children! I'm up for park manager of the year. This is the big leagues. Gene usually sweeps the awards, But I know for a fact that I have a chance this year. [elbows Skips] I mean, after that embarrassing fertilizer fiasco East pines had?
It's in the bag.
What? I'll buy you a new cake.
YOU REALLY SCREWED UP THIS TIME!!
Hold on now, Benson. You share as much blame for this as he does. You are his manager.
It's true, Benson. I told you I needed a nap!
You were tired because you were up all night playing video games!
Enough! Rigby's a screw up but discipline starts at the top. So here's what's gonna happen. (opens the drawer and gets some paper and a pen out) One of you is gonna write a letter of resignation by 5 o'clock. No one leaves this office until it's done. And if you can't work it out, you're both fired! (slams door)
This is the last thing I needed today. First, my car breaks down and I have to get a ride from my dad, and now this. All right, Rigby. Stop playing around and write that letter.
Why should I write it? Didn't you hear? Maellard said it was your fault, 'cause you mismanaged me.
Come on, Rigby. We both know this is your fault.
Not now, Benson. I'm reading off my management techniques. There's some good stuff in there. (Benson snatches the book from Rigby) Hey! I was reading that!
Why can't you take anything seriously?!
Why are you so uptight?
What's going on in here? Give me that! This isn't party time, this is write a letter to quit time. And if I have to come back in here, I'm busting heads! (slams door again)
I'm not writing that letter.
And Mordecai and Rigby, let's have you pick up trash by the snack bar.
Ugh! Again?
Don't worry, this is the last time you'll be on trash duty for a while.
Awesome! Wait, we're not getting another intern, are we? Because I don't think I can handle another spy situation.
No, I've actually got some very big news about your dome-estic situation! (everybody stares at him) Hopefully it won't cause any pan-dome-onium! (everybody continues to stare) Dome you have any ideas about what's going to happen? (everybody is still staring) No one, huh? Well, since I have to spell it out for you, Maellard's decided to seal off the park in a dome to create a contained ego-system! A group of scientists from the government are going to study it for a whole month!
Bro, have would we ever have guessed that?
A whole month? Where are we supposed to go?
You'll have to move out, the dome's dropping tomorrow! Isn't that exciting?
Why aren't you more upset about the inconvenience?
Because I don't live at the park.
So we can stay at your place?
Heh, well, my place, while officially a one bedroom, (the wind starts blowing strong) feels more like a studio. So there isn't really any room! (he looks up and sees a dome coming down onto the park)
It's not tomorrow! It's today! They're sealing the park today!
My presents aren't that bad, are they? [unwraps the gift, revealing a coffee mug saying, "World's Greatest Rigby"] Oh, no. I gotta get him something better.
Did you stay up all night watching Cat Videos?
Sure did. [laughs] Did you know there are internet cat celebrities? There's Fat Cat, Rat attack Cat, And Murray the Japanese Cat that likes boxes.
Mm. Looks like everything's normal.
I just have one question for you, doc. Who's this guy? [points to Hi Five Ghost, laying next to him, cheerfully smiling]
[The Park workers gasp in horrified shock that Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost don't know each other]
Hi. I'm Hi Five Ghost. I actually work at the Park, too. I'm surprised we never ran into each other.
Whoa! You guys really don't remember each other?!
What are you talking about, Mordecai? Why should we?
Yeah, I mean, how can I remember someone I just met?
How bad is it, doctor?
They're suffering from a very specific form of amnesia--one that only targets the memories of their friendship.
We're friends?
Is it treatable?
[on video tape] Fives, I put on too much tanning oil, and now I can’t get up!
[on video tape] Don’t worry! I’ll help! [tries to pull Muscle Man back up on his feet and he falls on his front]
Wow! What wonderful memories! [chuckles nervously]
I, uh…I think I'm gonna call it a night, if that's okay. Thanks. [floats to the front door and leaves]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Regular Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
