Let's see what's in the newspaper. "Ambassador from Lolliland visits the united states for the first time." [The camera zooms in to a picture of Pops] I say good show, very good show. [A waiter walks to Pops] I say why the handsome chap in the newspaper don't you think?
[The newspaper shows Pops and Pops chuckles]
WWaiter
Uh, sure. I'll be back in a second for the check.
[Pops folds the newspaper and looks at the check]
Let's see here I think, 25 percent tip, yes, jolly good show, jolly good show deserves jolly good tip I always say.
[Pops puts some lollipops in the bill]
WWaiter
Can I get you any change, sir?
No, no, it's all for you my good man, top notch service.
WWaiter
Wow, thanks sir, very generous of you.
Oh, well, good day young man.
[Pops walks away and the waiter opens the bill to see lollipops in there]
[Mordecai opens a refrigerator]
[Rigby opens a cupboard]
[They are both at the table and they both pour the milk and cereal into a bowl]
MRMordecai/Rigby
...Combine.
[The screen says "REGULAR SHOW CREATED BY J.G. QUINTEL" as movement can be heard, it cuts back to the kitchen, Rigby is about to eat the cereal with his face, but Mordecai stops him]
[picks up a spoon] This is the only clean spoon left, dude, lets play "punchies" for it.
[Rigby punches Mordecai, but Rigby is shocked at how weak his punch was]
[starts laughing, then punches Rigby harder]
[rubs his arm] Ow. Take it!
[Rigby moves to the other side of the table as Mordecai laughs and starts eating his breakfast]
[stops eating] Man, so far, this job is awesome! I still can't believe we have our own rooms!
Dude, those rooms aren't cool, there's nothing in them, I had to sleep on the floor last night!
[Rigby starts pouring cereal into his mouth]
Well, yeah. I mean, we can go and get stuff for it, once we've earned some money! Ya Know!
[seems full on cereal] Yeah, I guess.
[Mordecai starts pouring milk into Rigby's mouth]
(Everybody gets up; the park is ruined)
(sighs) It doesn't matter. I wasn't able to hold on to the chair anyways.
(half of the chair is still left)
MRMordecai and Rigby
Aww, cool!
No, you don't. You're not getting that chair. But here's what you DO get. You get to flip that cart back over, you're throwing that chair away, and then you're cleaning up this whole MESS!! Pops, you're coming with me. And you two idiots, if this isn't cleaned up when I get back, YOU'RE FIRED!!!
[Benson walks into the house with Pops and Skips]
Rock-paper-scissors for who gets to drive the cart?
[First lines of the series]
Alright, Beef Burrito. I'm gonna give you one more chance to take back what you said about my mom! [A Beef Burrito doll lies silently on the floor] I'LL KILL YOU!!!
[He pats his elbow and jumps onto a trampoline, body-slamming the doll. He then elbows the doll multiple times, and body slams it once more. He picks up the doll and moves its arm, making it punch himself in the face. Behind him, Mordecai is calling to him]
[Pretending to be weakened, Rigby walks over to Mordecai and high-fives him. As Rigby drinks a soda, Mordecai pulls the Beef Burrito doll away. Rigby slams the soda can onto the ground and lets out a ferocious cry. Mordecai sets the doll up next to a bed before walking away onto the shelves]
What?! [silence] Oh, you want us to put the hurt on you? [Mordecai grabs Rigby] I think he wants me to put the hurt on him!
I think he wants you to put the hurt on him!
You think he wants me to put the hurt on him?!
[Mordecai & Rigby scream. Mordecai throws Rigby down onto the trampoline, launching him into the wall. The impact leaves a large hole in the wall and Rigby ends up in a trash can]
Uhhh..... [Stands up] Uuuuhhhhyyyy.... [Removes trash can] Yea-uh!! Did you see how awesome it was when I hit the trampoline?
Hahahaha! Yeah, I did! But it wasn't as awesome as when you punched that hole in the wall!
[They both begin laughing]
I can't believe I listened to you! I knew we should've gone out to do some work, but no — let's wrestle this stupid doll, it'll be fun.
Well, yeah, but... now there's a big hole in the wall! Dude, we're 23 years old! We shouldn't be bustin' holes in walls! We're gonna get FIRED for this!
You mean you're gonna get fired for this.
You're the one who threw me too hard, ya hole!
Don't call me a hole! You're the hole! You're the one who wanted to wrestle!
Okay, okay! Let's not blame anyone. Now, how in the "h" are we gonna fix this "s"?
I dunno, man. Ugh, we can't fix it and we definitely can't pay for it, cos we don't have any money. Unless you had some money.
No. Besides, I don't even know how much it cost to fix a hole like this. Probably a ton.
Exactly. Which leaves us with only one possible solution. We convince Benson to give us raises so we can afford to pay someone else to fix it.
Dude. [beat] ..You are a genius! Of course, raises!
Let me stop you there because I already know what you're going to say — hamboning.
Yeah, dude! Hamboning! We just go up to Benson and we'll be all like, "We both want raises." [starts hamboning, but Mordecai pushes him away]
No, man, stop it. We just need to ask him for a raise and just explain all the—
No, no, no! That's not gonna work! What're ya, 65?! "Excuse me, sir, can I have a raise?" 'C'mon'! I'm tellin' ya, dude! Hamboning~!
Hamboning will save your life someday! You'll be all like, "What? You tryin' to mug me?" [starts hamboning again and mordecai shoves him away]
No!! We're not doing that! Ok? OK?
Fine... (Gasp) I know what to do!
[Rigby goes through pieces of clothing to find a keyboard]
Hehe, are you for raises? Bop-weep-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-booooooo!
Woah! How did you get that?
[Flashback: The wizard runs and puts his keyboard on the park bench and goes behind the bushes to take a whiz while Rigby takes the keyboard without the wizard looking]
[End of Flashback. Rigby chuckles, remembering]
I don't know man, how is that gonna give us raises?
Dude, c'mon man, look. Just come and check it out.
[Rigby presses a few keys and music plays]
Did you just send Skips to the moon?!
Isn't that what you said?
No, room! I sent him to his room, not the moon you idiot! Dude, wish him back.
But, it doesn't work that way.
I can't see him, can't I?!
Then we have to go get him.
But he's gonna be pissed!
Better than him being dead!
Don't get mad at me guys, but I kind of sent a bunch of stuff to the moon while you guys were in the house.
(Flashback)
A bunch of baby ducks, send 'em to the moon. Soda machine that doesn't work, send it to the moon.
(End of flashback)
You drillbit! What else did you send?!
(monster growling)
Look there's Skips! There he is!
Oh great, it had to be a monster.
Ha-ha-ha! We did it! Yeah! Hey, that's mine!
Nope. You sent him to the moon, so the least you can do is give him your keyboard. Right, Skips?
Right. (Smashes the piano.)
MRMordecai and Rigby
Aww!
(Turning red) THE $40 YOU TWO CONNED OUT OF ME WITH THAT STUPID KEYBOARD CRAP! I know you still got it. Now give it back. (Rigby sighs then they give Benson the $20) NOW CLEAN UP THIS MESS OR YOU'RE FIRED! Ugh, can you believe this?
Dude, how came we're always stuck with the lame jobs? Settin' up the chairs??
I can't trust you guys with something actually important. You're always slacking off!
He's callin' us slackers. Look dude, we can totally set up all those chairs without slacking off.
Yeah. And then next time you'll get someone ELSE.. to set up the chairs?
[Benson looks at Mordecai, who shrugs]
MRMordecai & Rigby
OOOOHHHHH!!!! Not settin' up the chairs next time! Not settin' up the chairs next time! UUHH!
...Just set up the chairs...
Woah! Hey Benson. Before you freak out, we totally set up those chairs.
[pan left to see cheering kids, Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost seated in a moat of fire]
WOOO!!! This birthday party's hot!
YOU IDIOTS!! That's the last time I entrust you with something important, LIKE THE CHAIRS!!!
[beat.]
MRMordecai & Rigby
OOOOHHHHH!!!! Not settin' up the chairs next time! Not settin' up the chairs next time!
But you ARE going to clean up this mess, and you can start by sweeping up the special entertainment.
...We're gonna take a break first, right?
TTranslator
Uh, Mordecai and Rigby. Uh, funny seeing you here...
A chainsaw, are you serious?! I mean, WHAT'S UP WITH THE CHAINSAW?!
GCGiant Coffee Bean
Coffee! Coffee coffee!
TTranslator
Why didn't you buy us tickets?
What are you talking about? We never said we'd buy you tickets!
TTranslator
But we had a contract!
SHUT IT!!! (Snatches the tickets)
You know, at first I thought you were cool, but now I know that you're both total losers.
Oh, and I just realized something...
MRMordecai and Rigby
OOOOHHHHHHH!!!!
Aw, man. Dude, let's play it
Whoa whoa whoa! You can't play a game like this out of the box. We gotta stretch it out first. We don't wanna pull our hammies, you know what I'm saying? (BEEP!) Hey! What are you doing?
Starting. Hurry up and pick your character. (chuckles)
Aw, what?! I wanted to be player 1!
Dude, I'M player 1. YOU'RE player 2.
I don't wanna be player 2! He just digs with the sucky pickaxe. I want the one with the shovel.
Dude, they're exactly the same!
Then why don't YOU be player 2?
[scoffs] I'm not usin' that sucky pickaxe.
Dude, calm down. Let's play punchies to see who gets to be player 1.
(Mordecai punches back at Rigby causing him to fly across the couch)
NO! It's not fair you always get your way! (angrily mocks Mordecai) "Let's play punchies, let's punchies!" I'm sick of it! Of course I'm not gonna beat you at punchies!
Dude, you don't beat anybody at punchies.
(Flashback of Rigby losing at a game of punchies)
(End of flashback)
We-oo! We-oo! We-oo! [imitating a doctor] Quick, doctor. Both of these buttcheeks are unrecognizable! If we want anybody to recognize this as a butt in the future, then we're gonna have to do a complete butt transplant, STAT!
STOP TALKING!!! There was only damage to the one cheek and you know it!
[laughs] That's right. We used to call you "The One-Cheek Wonder!" Dude, I'm bringing it back.
Is that One-Cheek Wonder? I hope he's not trying to play punchies with cheeks like that!
(shows Rigby's buttchecks)
MMMordecai & Muscle Man
(Laughs)
(Covers his buttchecks with his tail) SHUT UP!! Don't look at them! (Runs upstairs) I'll win at punchies, you'll see! (Slams the door then messes up Mordecai's side of the room) Dumb Mordecai!! I hate you!!
(Offscreen) You better not be messing up my side of the room!
(Yells and picks up a phone book) YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!!! (Throws phone book but the book bounces back at Rigby's face) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
(Mordecai is annoyed by Rigby's screaming. He then grabs a set of headphones and continues playing)
(Moaning) Stupid bo- (Pause) -ok? Death Kwon Do? (reads the page) "Learn kicks, chops, and punches in moments!" "Unlock your full potential today"? Yeeeeesss!
(Cuts to the Death Kwon Do Dojo)
It's a touching story, really it is, but I don't know if you're ready for Death Kwon Do.
Death Kwon Do is all about self defense. But from the sound of it, you just want to hit harder!
Uh, no? Can you just teach me something?
Hmm... Determination. I like that. OK, I'll teach you some beginner defensive moves. All you gotta do is pick from the sacred text of Death Kwon Do. (Holds up a note book) Let's see, we can start you off with the Bicep Flex of Death. Or there's the Leg Lifts of Death. That's a good beginners move, or the Pelvic Trust of Death. That's one of my personal favorites.
That one. That's the one I want, the Death Punch.
(Shows the Death Punch of Death technique)
That, I'm afraid is not for beginners.
Because you only wanna use it to beat up your friends. You're not pure of heart!
What!? Don't call me not pure of heart! What about you with your crappy mullet?! YOU'RE the one who's not pure of heart!!
THAT'S IT!!! I'm turning my back on you and counting to 3 of death. And when I turn back around, YOU'RE TOAST!! 1... of death. 2... of death.
(RRRIIIIPPPP!)'
(Sensai turns around and sees that the Death Punch of Death technique was taken away)
(Gasps) NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
SSSensai's Student
Um, sensei? Uh... I think somebody just Death Kwon clogged the toilet.
NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
