[plugs microphone] ♪Yeah. Set up the chairs and wipe off the tables Plug in the mic, but don't trip on the cables Blow up the balloons and blow out the candles at stunt-themed parties you don't wanna wear sandals! Check your invitation, Park's the location When the clock strikes ten it's time for celebration Timmy's birthday party, yo! It's the big one, oh! Timmy, Timmy Ti-Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Ti-Timmy Timmy, Timmy, Ti-Ti-Ti Timmy! Woooooooaaaaaaah!♪
(Mordecai and Rigby laugh)
I can't believe he's already turning ten.
Seriously. We watched that kid grow up, bro.
[flashback to Timmy's first birthday]
AAll
Happy birthday, Timmy!
TTimmy
[licks his cake, then he smothers his face in it]
Everyone laughs
[We are then shown Timmy at his pirate-themed party]
TTimmy
[stands on the plank] Guys, guys! Check it out! I'm gonna walk the plank like a real pirate! [jumps off the plank into the ball pit] Arrgh!
RMRigby and Muscle Man
[laugh]
[Cut to Timmy's astronaut-themed party]
BensonAnd the winner of the astronaut ice cream-eating contest is....Timmy!
TTimmy
You guys always make my birthdays the best!
[flashback ends]
[puts on the party hat] Man, Timmy's parties just keep getting better every year.
[carries the presents] Yeah. We gotta make sure this stuntman party is the best one yet.
Benson
[on mobile phone] What do you mean a real stuntman job? But it's a stuntman-themed party! What are we supposed to tell our client?! [ticked off] Well, you can say goodbye to your complimentary fountain sodas, and YOU'LL NEVER STUNT IN THIS PARK AGAIN, MR. HAZARD! [furiously hangs up and angrily throws his phone]
Is everything okay, Benson?
Benson
[angrily turns to Mordecai and screams at him] No, everything is not okay! The stuntman cancelled, and Timmy's party is ruined!
But Timmy's counting on us!
Benson
I know. But where am I supposed to find a stuntman this late in the game?
Well, I might know a guy who...actually no. I don't know any stuntmen. Aah! You're losing it, Mitch!
Benson
[angrily grabs Muscle Man by the shirt] That's it! We have to cancel Timmy's party!
[stops Benson from throttling Muscle Man] No, wait!
Yeah. Maybe one of us can do the stunt.
Benson
[grabs Mordecai and Rigby's shirts] No, it has to be a licensed stuntman. Our insurance doesn't cover amateurs.
Well, how hard is it to get a license?
Benson
[crosses his arms] Hard. The success rate at Stuntman College is only 25%, and you guys aren't exactly stuntman material.
But if it's 25%, then one of us should be able to do it, right?
Benson
[turns red] You think you'll beat the odds like that in one day?
If that's what it'll take to make Timmy happy, then we'll do it!
Rigby: Yeah. It's the only chance we have.
We're done with all the party prep. I'll enroll us right now.
Benson
Okay, but one of you better come back with a stuntman license, or else Timmy's birthday or probably his life are gonna be ruined.
Benson
Mordecai, Rigby, another issue of Fart Weekly magazine came today, which I distinctly remembered telling you not to get sent here! They're flooding the mailbox!
Relax, man! It's natural.
Rigby's right. It's not healthy to hold it in.
Benson
Ugh! Just cancel it already!
Yo, is my tax return in there?
Benson
No. But Fives, this came for you. Now all of you stop eating donuts and get back to work!
Benson
Alright listen up, we've gotten some complaints about the huge sinkhole in the park.
Sinkhole? You mean the Crash Pit?
You're talking smack about the Crash Pit, bro?
Benson
Yes. It's a potential liability and we're not properly insured for it. It has to be filled immediately
MMMordecai and Muscle Man
Aw, what?
Come on Benson, you can't fill up the Crash Pit.
Can't we just put up more warning signs or something?
Benson
No! A thing called a "Crash Pit" shouldn't be even at the park in the first place.
What if we call it a "small hole"?
Benson
JUST FILL IT UP BY THE END OF THE DAY OR YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!
Benson
Well, look who decided to show up. An hour late.
They don't know. I guess you guys haven't heard of a little something called Daylight Savings.
Haha, yeah. Technically, you guys showed up an hour early.
Benson
(Benson mocks Rigby's laughter) Technically, Daylight Savings isn't until tonight.
Whatever, dude; it's just an hour.
Benson
Oh, is it? Well, I guess you won't care that it's an hour you aren't getting paid for.
MRMordecai and Rigby
Aw, what?
C'mon Benson, what's the big deal?
Benson
Being on time is the big deal. This is a business we're trying to run. If everyone showed up late like you two, this whole park would fall apart.
It was an honest mistake, Benson. It's not like you've never been late to work.
Benson
Actually, I haven't. Because, unlike you two, I take my job seriously. And since you're having so much trouble keeping track of time, you can be in charge of setting the clocks back for the real Daylight Savings Time.
Ugh, fine. Come on Rigby, let's get this over with.
Benson
Hold it, not yet. You're gonna do it when the rest of the world does it: at two in the morning.
What? That doesn't even make any sense. What does it matter if everyone's on the same time?
Yeah, what difference does it make?
Benson
Are you seriously making me defend the right time? You either set the park clocks back at two in the morning like everyone else, or you're fired!
Dude, that was like really close this time!
Yeah, I think I'm getting the hang of the tension in -- oh hey, Benson.
Benson
[grows completely enraged] AAAHHHHHH!!! Did you put pizza all over this house? Don't deny it. [aggressively grabs Mordecai by the Jacket and shirt] I saw you! I saw you put pizza all over this house! [grabs Rigby by the shirt] And you, you're just as guilty! Don't think I didn't see you do the whole thing! Guess what, you -- WHAT?! [angrily lets go of Mordecai and Rigby's shirts] You're cleaning it too, don't worry! GHAHH! [angrily punches pouch] YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!
[clock wipe]
Benson
[furiously screaming in the garage] This is a pressure washer! You know how to use it? You better, otherwise I'm gonna fire you.
[2nd clock wipe]
Benson
You’re cleaning every last inch of this house or you’re fired./ DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR? [storms off furiously]
[sigh] Alright, let's get this over with.
Benson
All right, time for your assignments. Skips, set up the table. Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost, go buy balloons. Mordecai and Rigby, you're picking up the cake.
Benson
Yup, it's prepaid and everything. All you have to do is pick it up. Just give them the receipt and bring the cake back. That's it.
BBoth
Pickin' up the cake, pickin' up the cake!
Pickin' up the cake, gonna do it great!
Benson
Just pick up the cake and try not to ruin my big day.
I though it was Maellard's day.
Benson
JUST PICK UP THE CAKE!!!!!!!!
Benson
GAH!
Thomas; Oh, There you guys are.
Benson: (turning red) DID I NOT MAKE MYSELF PERFECTLY CLEAR?!! PAPA EAGLE IS OUT THERE AND NO CAKE AND NO GUESTS! WHAT KIND OF "SURPRISE PARTY" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!!?
It'll be fine! We just had a few setbacks. There was this angry woman...
And these shaggy-looking business guys...
But C.J. and Eileen helped us to make this better cake. It's just a little too big to get out the door.
But now we got this teleporter, so--
Benson
Red ARE YOU Red THIS WHOLE SURPRISE PARTY PLANNED OUT AND NOW THERE'S NO SURPRISE!!!!
Benson
Red FORGET THE TELEPORTER!!!![Benson snatches the teleporter]
No! We can still save the party!
[The three wrestle over the device teleporter which finally goes off and the teleports the cake and everyone else out of the room]
[through walkie-talkie] Bad news! Benson, come in!
Benson
[on walkie-talkie] This better be important. I'm in the middle of something.
It's the statue! It's gone!
Benson
What?! [cut to the gang standing in front of where the statue of Curtis Montgomery has been stolen; throws his clipboard on the ground, angrily] Ugh! I can't believe Gene did it again!
Gene's the prank obsessed manager from our rival park. Every year, he and his goons steal the statue of Curtis Montgomery, and we have to go recover it.
Wait, who's Curtis Montgomery?
Benson
He's the park's founder. [shows him a postcard picture of Curtis Montgomery punching a bear in 1851]
Benson
Thomas, you're just an intern. You're not necessary in this one. Besides, we already have a backup plan. Suit up, you guys, we're going with Operation Alien Strike Force.
Yes! I knew we'd do one of mine eventually.
Well, we only have enough costumes for the six of us.
Plus, there's no time to brief you and this plan is air tight! You'll just be dead weight.
[Everyone runs off, except for Thomas and Benson]
Benson
Just go take a seat in my office and wait for me there, okay? I still need to talk to you when we get back.
I am necessary. I just need to prove it.
Benson
What?!
Yeah, man. Don't you remember?
[In another flashback, Benson hangs Halloween decorations on a ladder at the top of the stairs. Mordecai, holding up the beast mask, and Rigby walk up]
Benson, look at this mask!
Benson
Aah!
[Benson falls down the stairs and dies. His ghost leaves his body]
RRigby (voice-over)
You've been haunting the house for months.
[Benson's ghost scares Rigby while he's eating cereal. When Rigby screams, Benson flees as if he's also scared. The same happens with Mordecai while he's carrying a box up the stairs. Cut to Mordecai and Rigby in the hallway, with Rigby trying to open a bottle of soda]
No, dude. It's "lefty locky, righty relaxy".
[Benson's ghost appears again. It sees Mordecai and Rigby and moans in fright as he leaves. The flashback ends]
Benson
Then what are you guys doing here? You've ruined my office!
We're not in your office. This is our office.
And this isn't our office. [screen zooms out from Mordecai's face] It's a cemetery. [points down as lightning strikes] And that's your grave!
[Cut to Benson's tombstone, which reads "R.I.P. BENSON. 'YOU'RE FIRED'". Benson falls to his knees next to his tombstone]
Benson
NOOOOOOOO!!!!
You havin' fun, buddy? Enjoying your wings?
Honestly, bro, they taste bittersweet. But I just wanted to have them-[sadly]-one last time.
[covering his eyes] I can't watch.
Benson
[places his hand on Rigby's shoulder] Don't look away, Rigby, look at him! Look at this…Muscle Man! This guy, from who we've all learned so much--from this guy, his joke telling, his loyalty…
[near-crying] I never wanted to be anyone's best friend, until I met you.
Benson
[stands up] No, let me finish! What we'll remember most about you more than anything else is- [holds in a vomit] Excuse me. Your passion, Muscle Man. Your passion! If you'll all join me.
[after Muscle Man proposed to Starla and start kissing]
Wait, so Muscle Man was fine this whole time?
I'm as healthy as can be.
Then what was all the stuff with Dr. Henry?
I just had to make sure I was fit enough to keep up with this she-lion. Thanks a ton, you guys, for helping me finish my bucket list.
Benson
[enraged] "Thanks?!" I BLEW TWELVE GRAND ON YOU TODAY!
Do you even know what you put us through?!
Yeah, Muscle Man! We all thought you were gonna die!
What are you talking about, bro?
You had an appointment with Death!
Benson
You had to get your papers in order?!
My toilet papers. I had to fold 'em into little triangles so my place would look nice for the after-party.
[enters] And I'm only here to deliver his aunt's ring from the underworld.
Oh, come on! This is textbook engagement story. You shed your bachelor self before you get married and be a husband. All that death stuff was a metaphor.
Benson
[grabs Muscle Man by the shirt] "I LEAVE THIS WORLD TONIGHT" IS NOT A METAPHOR!!
Ohhh. Oh, I see what you're saying. Sorry about that.
Next time you die, you're on your own!
[Everyone leaves disgusted, save for Benson]
Benson
[sternly] You owe me $12,000. [leaves]
[at Hi-Five Ghost] You get it, don't you, bro?
[beat, smiles] Best proposal ever!
Regular Show · 562 quotes
