MordecaiDude, these guys aren't trying to help me. They're just messing with me.
Dude, they're just partying.
Mordecai
How is this supposed to help me get the ladies?
(We see a long-haired man with an open green shirt on a chair in the corner. He has stubble on his chin, a necklace, wristbands, blue jeans, and cowboy boots)
Mordecai
That's not a lady. (approaches Billy, who's drinking soda with the 2nd Unicorn. He puts his hand on Billy's shoulder) Hey, I thought you were gonna help me with Margaret.
BBilly
(angrily) Something's touching me! (elbows Mordecai, who flies onto the floor. The unicorns laugh)
Hey, bros, check this out. (approaches Mordecai) Here, let me help you up. (He pulls his hand away at the last second) PSYCH! Why don't you ask Margaret to help you up? OHHHHH!
(The unicorns and Rigby laugh)
Mordecai
(angrily) You know what, Rigby? Have fun with your new friends, you jerk! Oh, and just so you know, when Benson finds out about your friends and their little hangout time, he's probably gonna fire you. Later, bro! [leaves]
(worriedly) Mordecai, wait! (the door shuts off-screen)
JJimmy
(from upstairs) Bros! I found a trampoline!
No! (runs up to his room) What are you doing to my bed?!
JJimmy
You sleep on this, bro?
JJimmy
Right after this somersault! (flips in mid air and his horn rips the trampoline, falling to the floor. Rigby gasps) Bros, this trampoline's all over me! Help me get it off!
(The unicorns run in, chanting 'bros', and in a matter of seconds, reduce the trampoline to torn fabric and twisted metal)
(Billy and 3rd Unicorn are shown by the closet door)
BBilly
Hey, bro. You know this nerd?
(They open the closet door to show Benson, bound, gagged, and suspended from a coat hook. Benson rages from behind his gag, but his words are unintelligible)
BBilly
Check this out. (gets some gumballs out of Benson and eats them) What's the matter, Rigbone? You like that nerd or something?
3U3rd Unicorn
(taps Rigby's shoulder) Yeah, dude. Chill out! And have a DRINK! (sprays him with a soda can, temporarily blinding Rigby)
(In his confusion, Rigby stumbles between the unicorns, who have formed a circle with the intention of repeatedly farting in his face)
You guys know what to do, right?
MRMordecai and Rigby
Yeah.
Mordecai
(to the unicorns) Hey, Rigby, weren't we supposed to race some unicorns and not a bunch of losers?!
UUnicorns
(Shouting all at once) BROS!! BROS!! BROS!!
UUnicorns
(Chanting "Bros")
(The unicorns race off into the distance while chanting "Bros")
This is how you get rid of unicorns.
(Skips presses a button that forms a ramp on the ground, shooting the unicorns up into the sky, still chanting "Bros")
But what if they come back?
They ain't coming back. (presses button)
(The unicorns and their car explode, leaving behind stars and sparkles)
MRMordecai and Rigby
Cooooooool!
That's the only way to get rid of unicorns.
(Scene cuts to daytime, with a close-up of a hand turning a valve and Water is shown flying from a hose. Benson is hosing down Mordecai and Rigby, who are screaming after getting soaked)
(furiously) I can't believe you idiots let those unicorns in here! You two morons had better get this mess cleaned up, or you'll wish it was YOU DRIVING THAT CAR!
The unicorn one? (Benson sprays Rigby with the hose and Rigby falls over screaming) COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!!!!
(Mordecai screams, shaking in fear)
Quit spraying that cologne! It's not gonna get you any ladies! Idiots... [walks away]
Mordecai
Wanna go, bro?
Mordecai
Yeah.
Mordecai
[calls Benson]
Mordecai
Hey, Benson, got any books by.....Joe Mama!?
[Mordecai and Rigby laugh loudly]
[from phone] Wherever this is coming from, I will track you down and I will find you...!
Mordecai
Dude, he's still on the phone!
He's STILL on the phone!?
Mordecai
He's STILL ON THE PHONE!!!
[both convulse in fits of laughter]
Mordecai
We need your help to prank the Master Prank Caller.
(The telephone rings)
I'll take care of this. [Answers the telephone] Hello?
MPMaster Prank Caller
Nice ride, but I prefer mine better.
MSMordecai's Voice
Hello?
MPMaster Prank Caller
This is the Master Prank Caller telling you—
MSMordecai's Voice
Hello?
MPMaster Prank Caller
I said, this is the Master Prank—
MSMordecai's Voice
Hello? I-I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
MPMaster Prank Caller
[frustrated] I SAID, THIS IS THE MASTER PRANK CALLER!!
MSMordecai's Voice
Hello? Hello, are you there?
MPMaster Prank Caller
RRRGH!!! [WOOSH] I SAID—!!
MSMordecai's Voice
Ha ha! Just kidding! You just got pranked, loser! [BEEP]
MPMaster Prank Caller
NNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Mordecai
Now!
[Skips, Mordecai, Benson and Pops, jump on the Master Prank Caller and grab him by the arms and legs]
Mordecai
Now, Rigby! Hit the power button!
Who's the best prank caller now, jerk-dish? [Rigby presses the power button on the Master Prank Caller]
MPMaster Prank Caller
No! NO! NOOOO! [Falls down on the ground, knocked out]
Alright, everyone. I got some bad news. The park is being audited. ( He Points to Pops) Pops tried to pay the park taxes... [gives him a look] ...with lollipops.
[the rest of the workers voice their displeasure]
But I gave them more than enough!
We already went over this, Pops. You pay taxes with money, not lollipops.
[spits] What's the big deal? It's not like an audit is a bad thing.
It is a bad thing, Rigby! If we don't take care of this, the government takes all our stuff away.
[The park gang starts to panic]
Okay. We only have till 3:00 to stop the audit. Does anyone know someone who can help us? Anybody? Anybody at all?
I know someone who can help...
[angrily] If you say your mom, you're fired!
It was worth it! [he and High Five Ghost high-five and walk away]
Mordecai
[thinks] Hmmm... Hmph! Hey! [looks at Rigby] We know someone.
We do? [Mordecai raises his arms. Suddenly, Rigby knows who he's referring to] No! No way!
What? If you know somebody, you've got to tell me.
Mordecai
Rigby has a brother. [Rigby punches him in the butt] And he's an accountant. [Rigby punches him again, rapidly]
Mordecai
Dude, what do you have against Don?
[Rigby gets mad, on the verge of crying. A ripple leads us to a flashback of Rigby's sixth birthday party. Pans down from the banner to a young Rigby]
Guys, guys, guys! [zooms out to reveal four bored children, one of them a young Mordecai] Watch me blow out the candle, guys!
[A door opens. Rigby's younger brother, Don, stands in the doorway. Somehow, he is taller than Rigby]
Hey, Rigby. Happy birthday, bro.
Wha- wha - ? I told you to stay in the basement.
Oh. Sorry, Rigby. I just wanted to give you some birthday sugar.
I DON'T WANT YOUR FREAKING SUGAR!
RSRigby's Friend 1
I'll give you some sugar, Don.
RSRigby's Friend 2
Yeah, me too! [giggles]
[everyone but Mordecai gets up out of their seats to hug Don. Then, Mordecai follows, but Rigby tries to stop him by grabbing his arm]
Young Mordecai
I'm just getting some sugar, dude. [Rigby lets go of him] Besides, Don is cool.
[Mordecai goes to Don to give him sugar as everyone else laughs]
RSRigby's Friend
You're the best, Don!
[Young Rigby growls as ripple back to the present]
Mordecai
Yeah. Don really made that party.
Fine! Mordecai, you call him.
Mordecai
Dude, he could save the park.
Dude, he could ruin my life! If he comes, I'm gonna tell him to leave.
No, you won't, YOU BE NICE TO YOUR BROTHER OR YOUR FIRED!! [to Mordecai] Call him.
Mordecai
[to Rigby] Dude, just be cool until he stops the audit.
[Rigby growls, on the verge of tears.]
Benson, give me some sugar! [hugs Benson] Nice to meet you! [points to Pops] Hey, who's this guy?
Pops, give me some sugar!
[runs laughing to Don and hugs him]
[hugs Skips] Don. Good to meet you. [to Mordecai] Look at this sugar shack. C'mere, guy! I haven't seen you in forever.
Mordecai
[hugs Don] Yeah, I know! It's been forever!
Rigby, give me some sugar, bro!
Don't you have taxies to do? Why don't you get to it?
Oh, ha ha... he was always greedy with the sugar.
Augh...! I can't wait for you to get out of my life!
[mouthing angrily] You keep your mouth SHUT!
Mordecai
Dude. How do you feel?
[Due to his body's severe injuries, Rigby screams painfully; cuts to the Snack Bar, where a bleary-eyed Rigby is in a body cast and bound to a wheelchair]
Well, Mordecai, I guess you were right about the snack bar being lame. Especially now that we're not into eating all the free snacks.
Mordecai
Oh, about that. Those snacks weren't free.
Mordecai
Turns out, only Pops gets snacks for free.
[with a pitiful whine] Pops?
Mordecai
Yeah. And I guess we're supposed to work here for the next six months just to pay for it all.
Regular Show · 562 quotes
