MordecaiDude, how came we're always stuck with the lame jobs? Settin' up the chairs??
I can't trust you guys with something actually important. You're always slacking off!
Mordecai
You callin' us slackers?
Mordecai
He's callin' us slackers. Look dude, we can totally set up all those chairs without slacking off.
Mordecai
We will.
Yeah. And then next time you'll get someone ELSE.. to set up the chairs?
[Benson looks at Mordecai, who shrugs]
MRMordecai & Rigby
OOOOHHHHH!!!! Not settin' up the chairs next time! Not settin' up the chairs next time! UUHH!
...Just set up the chairs...
Mordecai
Woah! Hey Benson. Before you freak out, we totally set up those chairs.
[pan left to see cheering kids, Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost seated in a moat of fire]
WOOO!!! This birthday party's hot!
YOU IDIOTS!! That's the last time I entrust you with something important, LIKE THE CHAIRS!!!
[beat.]
MRMordecai & Rigby
OOOOHHHHH!!!! Not settin' up the chairs next time! Not settin' up the chairs next time!
But you ARE going to clean up this mess, and you can start by sweeping up the special entertainment.
Mordecai
Yeah, no problem!
Mordecai
Don't worry about us!
...We're gonna take a break first, right?
Mordecai
Yeah.
TTranslator
Uh, Mordecai and Rigby. Uh, funny seeing you here...
Mordecai
A chainsaw, are you serious?! I mean, WHAT'S UP WITH THE CHAINSAW?!
GCGiant Coffee Bean
Coffee! Coffee coffee!
TTranslator
Why didn't you buy us tickets?
Mordecai
What are you talking about? We never said we'd buy you tickets!
TTranslator
But we had a contract!
SHUT IT!!! (Snatches the tickets)
Mordecai
You know, at first I thought you were cool, but now I know that you're both total losers.
Mordecai
Oh, and I just realized something...
Mordecai
Your coffee sucks.
MRMordecai and Rigby
OOOOHHHHHHH!!!!
Mordecai
Aw, man. Dude, let's play it
Whoa whoa whoa! You can't play a game like this out of the box. We gotta stretch it out first. We don't wanna pull our hammies, you know what I'm saying? (BEEP!) Hey! What are you doing?
Mordecai
Starting. Hurry up and pick your character. (chuckles)
Aw, what?! I wanted to be player 1!
Mordecai
Dude, I'M player 1. YOU'RE player 2.
I don't wanna be player 2! He just digs with the sucky pickaxe. I want the one with the shovel.
Mordecai
Dude, they're exactly the same!
Then why don't YOU be player 2?
Mordecai
[scoffs] I'm not usin' that sucky pickaxe.
Mordecai
Dude, calm down. Let's play punchies to see who gets to be player 1.
(Mordecai punches back at Rigby causing him to fly across the couch)
Mordecai
Looks like I'm player 1.
NO! It's not fair you always get your way! (angrily mocks Mordecai) "Let's play punchies, let's punchies!" I'm sick of it! Of course I'm not gonna beat you at punchies!
Mordecai
Dude, you don't beat anybody at punchies.
Mordecai
No you don't.
(Flashback of Rigby losing at a game of punchies)
(End of flashback)
Mordecai
We-oo! We-oo! We-oo! [imitating a doctor] Quick, doctor. Both of these buttcheeks are unrecognizable! If we want anybody to recognize this as a butt in the future, then we're gonna have to do a complete butt transplant, STAT!
STOP TALKING!!! There was only damage to the one cheek and you know it!
Mordecai
[laughs] That's right. We used to call you "The One-Cheek Wonder!" Dude, I'm bringing it back.
Is that One-Cheek Wonder? I hope he's not trying to play punchies with cheeks like that!
(shows Rigby's buttchecks)
MMMordecai & Muscle Man
(Laughs)
(Covers his buttchecks with his tail) SHUT UP!! Don't look at them! (Runs upstairs) I'll win at punchies, you'll see! (Slams the door then messes up Mordecai's side of the room) Dumb Mordecai!! I hate you!!
Mordecai
(Offscreen) You better not be messing up my side of the room!
(Yells and picks up a phone book) YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!!! (Throws phone book but the book bounces back at Rigby's face) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
(Mordecai is annoyed by Rigby's screaming. He then grabs a set of headphones and continues playing)
(Moaning) Stupid bo- (Pause) -ok? Death Kwon Do? (reads the page) "Learn kicks, chops, and punches in moments!" "Unlock your full potential today"? Yeeeeesss!
(Cuts to the Death Kwon Do Dojo)
It's a touching story, really it is, but I don't know if you're ready for Death Kwon Do.
Death Kwon Do is all about self defense. But from the sound of it, you just want to hit harder!
Uh, no? Can you just teach me something?
Hmm... Determination. I like that. OK, I'll teach you some beginner defensive moves. All you gotta do is pick from the sacred text of Death Kwon Do. (Holds up a note book) Let's see, we can start you off with the Bicep Flex of Death. Or there's the Leg Lifts of Death. That's a good beginners move, or the Pelvic Trust of Death. That's one of my personal favorites.
That one. That's the one I want, the Death Punch.
(Shows the Death Punch of Death technique)
That, I'm afraid is not for beginners.
Because you only wanna use it to beat up your friends. You're not pure of heart!
What!? Don't call me not pure of heart! What about you with your crappy mullet?! YOU'RE the one who's not pure of heart!!
THAT'S IT!!! I'm turning my back on you and counting to 3 of death. And when I turn back around, YOU'RE TOAST!! 1... of death. 2... of death.
(RRRIIIIPPPP!)'
(screams insanely) YOU'RE NEXT, MORDECAI!
Mordecai
(finishes using the bathroom, humming) Alright, Rigby. Crybaby time's over. C'mon let's go get some food, I'm buy- aw what!?
(Sees that the room is a mess)
Why yes, sir. I have the Death Jump & the Death Dump right he- (Sees that the Death Jump & the Death Dump techniques were taken away) NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
(Cuts to the ruined park)
VGVideo Game
D-d-d-d-d Dig Champs!
Aw yes! It's finally happening!
Mordecai
Yep, for once being a huge baby actually worked out for you.
Mordecai
(Chuckles) Dude, just hurry up and play. You're just gonna die right at the beginning anyway.
(Mimics Mordecai) Hmph! I'll show you.
(Rigby plays the game, but dies by touching a snail)
Aw what!? Snails are bad? I thought snails were good!
Mordecai
No dude. Snails are bad.
Aw man! This sucks. I wanna be player 2.
There's that chocolate cake at the snack bar!
Mordecai
Yeah...but Benson will only let you have it for free if it's your birthday.
Who's to say it's not my birthday?
Mordecai
...Who's to say it's not my birthday?
MRMordecai and Rigby
FREE CAKE! FREE CAKE!!
It's neither of your birthdays.
Aw, man! He's killing us with that.
MRMordecai and Rigby
No cake....no cake....
{appears from inside the bushes} But it is Skips' birthday!
MRMordecai and Rigby
FREE CAKE! FREE CAKE!!
But he's really private about it.
MRMordecai and Rigby
No cake....no cake....
Come to think of it, I don't think we've ever had a party for Skips.
{groans} Man, it's almost eight. We're not gonna find him, let's just eat it.
Mordecai
No. Benson's gonna get pissed, so we shouldn't. (in reruns, "pissed" is replaced with "ticked")
Benson's gonna get like that no matter what.
Mordecai
Just give it up, dude. I knew you couldn't fix it...
Dude, I fix stuff all the time!
Mordecai
No, you don't.
Mordecai
The cart, the shoes, the party, that other party...
Stop right there! You know Muscle Man pushed me!
Mordecai
Muscle Man wasn't even there!!
[Benson comes into the room, looking angry]
What are you doing with my sandwich?!
Mordecai
What?
Don't worry. I'll take care of this with my specialty. This isn't your sandwich. This is our sandwich.
This is your sandwich, huh? Then how come it says "Benson" on the BAG?!
Huh? It's supposed to say "Rigby," but they misspelled my name wrong.
[angrily screams at Mordecai and Rigby] STOP LYING!
Mordecai
Dude, I thought you said you bought this!
No, he didn't buy it! Now, get off your lazy butts and go get me another GRILLED CHEESE DELUXE!!! [ He slams the door furiously]
Mordecai
[groans] Aaaagh! You ruined our day off!
Ah, don’t worry, dude. The line won’t be that long.
[Cut to Cheezer's, where there is a long line.]
[Jones and Barry throw Mordecai and Rigby out of their van]
JJones
(angrily threatens Mordecai and Rigby) If you ever lie about being astronauts again, YOU’RE DEAD!!!
We saved the city, astro!-- (The astronauts throw the Cheezer's bag at Rigby and they drive away in their van.)
Where have you been? I’ve been waiting all day! (Mordecai gives Benson his burnt Grilled Cheese Deluxe) What the--What happened to my sandwich?!
[rambling] There were spacemen...at Cheezers...and the two...we went down it...everyone wore sweatpants...even us...and then the room with the bad stuff...but...we saved the city with your sandwich.
[sighs] Why do you always have to lie to my face?
Mordecai
We ran it over by accident.
See? Was it so hard to tell the truth?
Regular Show · 562 quotes
