Rigby Riggerson quotes from Regular Show

(groans) What now? Look, we're working. See!

Rigby

Yeah, we're never gonna get done if you keep checking up on us!

It's payday, fellas.

(Mordecai and Rigby run towards Benson)

Yeah-yuh!

Rigby

Aww, nice! My favorite day of the every other week!

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Oh hey, Benson. What're you doin here?

I thought about what you guys said earlier and so I've come down to give you those checks you wanted.

MRMordecai and Rigby

Oh wow, thanks!

BUT now that I'm covered in BRAIN GOO, I realized my mistake! [shreds and throws checks] You want to waste your lives playing video games, then fine! I RESPECT YOUR DECISION!! JUST DON'T DO IT ON MY TIME EVER AGAIN!!

[beat.]

I can respect that.

Rigby

Yeah, that's cool.

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Rigby

Oh no, not this guy! We never beat this guy!

Dude, we're going to do it this time, come on! Hit him! Hit him!

Rigby

I am hitting him! Nothing's happening!

Aw, dude! Try kicking him in the junk! Kick him in the junk! Kick him in the junk!

Rigby

I'M kicking him in the junk!

Well, keep doing it!

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Who is it?

It's us.

What do you want?

We wanna borrow your TV!

Why?

Because. We're about to beat The Hammer.

WHAT?! (SLAM) NOBODY can beat The Hammer! It's impossible!

Pfft! Not for us! Will you let us borrow your TV or not?

Yeah. You can borrow it... if you can tell me what The Hammer looks like.

He's blue, with a black mullet.

Fives!

[Fives scrolls thru Video Game Power Mag to see stats for The Hammer]

Hi Five Ghost

Uh-huh.

Oh man!

Rigby

So can we borrow it?

Yeah, you can borrow it. So we can watch you LOSE!! Ahaha! WOOO!!! WOOHOO!!! This is gonna be hilari-uhh! (CRUNCH!!)

[beat]

Rigby

Does Benson have a TV?

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MRMordecai and Rigby

We gonna party!

Got some chips, got some dip!

Rigby

Some call me cheap, bit of a free loada, but I bought cups for that old school soda!

I dont need to brag, I dont mean to boast, but here's some hummus for these mini toasts!

Rigby

HUMMUS!

HUMMUUS!

BBoth

HUUUMMUUUS!!!

Why are you guys yelling "hummus"?

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Rigby

What!? Why would you wanna pay $50 to some dude to come to our house? What's he even gonna do? He's just gonna come and eat all our food.

Do you have a better idea?

Rigby

Yes. I do. [he inserts a tape and starts playing a funky electronic tune, but Skips, Muscle Man, High-Five Ghost and Pops don't like it] YEA-AH! YEA-AH! YEA-AH! YEAAAHHH!!!!!

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Pops. Yo, Pops. I found your Mustache Monthly. (Puts Pops' Moustaches Monthly on a chair and turns his head around, before seeing Pops, just out of the shower and naked.) AAAAAGH!

Aaaaagh!

Aaaaagh!

Aaaaagh!

Aaaaagh! (In all the confusion, he now catches a glimpse of Pops' "junk mail".)

Pops

Aaaaagh! (Pops covers his "junk mail" with his hat. Mordecai covers his eyes. They both try to leave but they're in each other's ways".)

(breathing) Uh... uh... uh... uh...

Pops

(breathing) Uh... uh... uh... uh...

(Mordecai finally escapes Pops' room as Pops goes into his bathroom. Mordecai goes downstairs and sits on the couch.)

Stop playing for a second. When I went upstairs, Pops was getting out of the shower.

Rigby

Yeah, so?

And he didn't have a towel.

Rigby

Ewww!

I tried not to look and just give him the magazine, but I saw his...

Rigby

His junk mail? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

No, dude, I'm mentally scarred. It's like the image is glued in the inside of my eyelids. Every saggy, wrinkled, shriveled, pasty...

Rigby

Whoa, whoa! Don't put it in my head!

This is your fault! You have to help me!

Rigby

I'll help you to forget it if you promise to stop talking about it.

Deal.

(They shake hands.)

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Rigby

If this doesn't take your mind off of Pops, nothing will.

What, coffee? Thanks, dude, but I don't see how...

Rigby

(turns Mordecai's face to the other way) No, dude. Margaret.

Margaret

(While taking an order) So, that's 2 sandwiches and one soda.

(Mordecai does a love stare.)

Rigby

Hmmm? Hmmm?

Alright.

Rigby

(while shaking Mordecai) Hmmm? Hmmm? Hmmm? Hmmm?

(pushes Rigby) All right. It worked.

Margaret

Hey, guys! (Mordecai stares dreamily at her until seeing her face looks like Pops) Can I get you something to drink, Mordecai?

Aaaaargh! (runs away)

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Rigby

Trust me, man. This will make you forget.

(covering his eyes) No, no. I'm not looking at anything ever again. Every time I open my eyes, I see Pops naked.

Rigby

Just give it a chance.

No! (Rigby grabs Mordecai's arms.)

Rigby

Look at it! Look at it! Look at it!

Get off! I'm not looking at a stupid-- (Mordecai opens his eyes wide and sees Planet Chasers: Starlight Excellent)

Rigby

Yes!

(Rolls of film fly out of Mordecai's eyes and into the bright TV screen)

Rigby

Coooool!

(Each film cell shows a piece of Mordecai's memory)

Rigby

Did it work?

(when the film's over, Mordecai groans and mumbles incoherently)

Rigby

Mordecai! Do you remember seeing Pops naked? Pops naked? Nude? In the buff? Naked Pops, naked Pops, naked Pops! Awesome! Dude, it totally worked! Up high! Let's... get you some coffee.

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Snacks disappearing from the snack bar, holes in the walls — $500 worth of prank phone calls?! It's ridiculous! What are you doing to my park, Beenteen?

But, sir, it's not my fault. It's Mordecai and Rigby. It's right here on my report.

Are you my park manager, Beanteen?

Yes, sir.

Then everything that happens here is your fault!

Well... yes, technically, but—

Say it.

...Everything that happens here is my fault.

[a white limo crashes through the left side of the office!]

MY CAR!!

[Mordecai rolls down the window]

Sorry, Benson, remember how I told you I can drive stick? Well, I'm a little rusty.

Rigby

I told you that you should've let me be the one to park it!

Why are they driving my car when I specifically TOLD YOU TO PARK IT?!!

I did, sir, but I delegated it to Mordecai and Rigby.

Uhh, this is getting a little awkward, so we're gonna take off. [backs away]

Wait!!

[the limo then falls onto the side of the house, bleeping]

That's it! Emergency meeting tomorrow! Things are going to change around here.

[The next day, outside the house...]

I'm sure you're all anxious to get back to work, so let me make this brief. Beancan, you're being demoted.

What?!

Everyone, this is Susan. She'll be taking over Beanton's duties at the park.

SSusan

Thank you, Mr. Maellard. First, I'd like to thank Benson for agreeing to step down from his position.

What?!

SSusan

I know this park's productivity has been inadequate for a long time. But now that I'm here, we're gonna get this park back in working order the Susan way. So, Pops and Skips, I need you to clean the north end fountain. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost are on snack bar duty. Mordecai and Rigby AND Benson, you guys will be raking the leaves.

What?!

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Come on, Benson! We gotta rake these leaves, dude.

I can't do this.

Look, you're bummed out about getting demoted, but if you give it a chance, you'll see it's not that bad.

...This is horrible.

No, it's not, you're just in a bad mood. Look, you just need to take your mind off it for a while and have some fun.

Rigby

Yeah, man, we can come back later and finish these leaves.

Ahah! This is so typical. You get bored so you just slack off instead of finishing your work.

It's not slacking, we're just taking a break. And besides, it's not like you're working that hard anyway.

Rigby

Yeah, you're raking like an old man that has a fatter old man holding his arms down.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE RAKING NOW, OKAY?!

Rigby

I'm just sayin'...

What if Susan catches us? She'll probably fire us for not working!

Dude, just calm down. We'll just pretend like we're working until she goes away.

Yeah, right! Like anyone would ever fall for that!

Rigby

It always worked on you!

Agh, fine! As long as it gets me out of raking these leaves!

[a montage with a rock instrumental starts playing. Mordecai and Rigby try to get Benson to eat cereal with them, but he crosses his arms and turns away from them. Later, Rigby tries to get Benson to read a comic with them. Again, Benson crosses his arms, and looks away. When Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson start playing stick hockey, only then does Benson start to smile and have fun. For the rest of the montage, Benson relaxes in the fountain, plays video games while eating pizza, does donuts on the lawn, slingshots water balloons at Muscle Man, slides down hills on an ice cube, and chugs soda.]

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[laughs] I feel great!

See? I told you all you needed was a break! Now do you feel like getting back to work?

[laughs] No!

Wait, what? Dude, we have to go back to work eventually!

Yeah, right! I'm never working again!

No, seriously, we have to go back to work. Susan's coming.

Hah! What's she gonna do?

SSusan

Why aren't you all working?

[nervously] Oh! Uh...we were just washing Maellard's car! Haha, see, we're washing it! Hahah...! Come on, Benson, we're washing the car now.

I'm not washing the car.

SSusan

Benson, why aren't you working?

[lazily] Cause I don't feel like it.

SSusan

Get back to work, or I'll fire you.

Yeah? Do it!

SSusan

Excuse me?!

I've wasted my whole life at a dead-end job, and I'm not wasting another second working for you. So go ahead and fire me.

SSusan

Okay, Benson, YOU'RE FIRED!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Come on, guys, let's get out of here!

Uh, actually Benson, we need this.

Rigby

Yeah, we need the money, man.

Oh, well, suit yourselves, I guess, but my life is happening right now, and I'm gonna go live it! Sayonara, suckers! WOOOOOOOOOO! WOOO, WOOO!

SSusan

[angrily] You two! Get back to work! Faster! And you, sweep those stairs! And you, with the big head, finish those windows! Faster, faster, faster, faster, FASTER! [Susan walks away from the cart as two of them work.] Rigby l don't want to work for Susan. Mordecai [Somewhow grew blonde hair tied back in a bun, like Susan.] Dude l know. [Zoom closer into Mordecai's head.] Mordecai, Rigby said.

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Thank you, Benson, keep up the good work.

Alright, alright! Everybody back to work. We've gotta get this mess cleaned up, now! (everyone but M&R walk off) And that means you Mordecai and Rigby. (hands Mordecai a broom and Rigby a shovel) You better keep working after I'm gone, because if I come back, and you're not, you're fired!

(Benson gets in the cart and drives away.)

Haha, yeah, good to have you back, Benson! (to Rigby) You wanna go play video games?

Rigby

Yeah-yuh!

(Benson looks at the duo walk up the steps in the car's rear-view mirror.)

Ahhh... It's good to be back.

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