Rigby Riggerson quotes from Regular Show

Rigbone! How about a little pre-saving the park sugar? You know, for almost being done saving the park?

Rigby

NO!

What's going on with us? You never give me some sugar. Did I do something?

Rigby

Yeah. You were BORN!

[visibly hurt] Wow. That's heavy. I gotta get out of here. [Don leaves the room]

Dude? No, wait! Don!

I'm sorry. I just... gotta get out of here! [Don continues leaving]

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Where's DON?! [outside, Don is shown driving away, almost crying. The others run out after him] Don, wait! [Don has already left; to the others] What happened?

Rigby blew it! He wouldn't give Don sugar!

[Furious] WHAT?! GO GIVE HIM SOME SUGAR!

Rigby

[Even more furious] NEVER! [runs away, panting]

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[Takes a bite of the salad] Ahh. I feel so much better.

Rigby

[Who is next to a blender with a doughnut, candy and other junk food inside] So do I. [He starts the blender, grinding all the junk food into goop. He then proceeds to drink it, grimacing in pain again as his stomach rumbles]

Dude, I'm telling you. If you keep eating like that, your body's gonna quit on you.

Rigby

STOP TALKING!

Whatever. I'm just trying to help. [Walks out of the kitchen]

Rigby

Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm. I showed him. [eats a doughnut]

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[at MM's and Fives' shift at the snack bar]

This...sucks! Wait.. what is that?

[a bucket on a roller blade squiggles closer and closer, at the door—]

Rigby

GIMME SOME SNACKS!!!

HFHigh Five Ghost

What are you~?!

Looks like a bucket of diarrhea...

Rigby

It's me, Rigby!!

Oh man! THAT BOOT WITH WHEELS STOLE RIGBY'S VOICE!!

Rigby

No! I didn't steal anything!

You're not stealin' these voices! C'mon Fives, let's bail!! [runs off]

Rigby

Come back!!

No way, bro!

Rigby

It's me, Rigby!! [falls down] Aw, man!

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Dude. How do you feel?

[Due to his body's severe injuries, Rigby screams painfully; cuts to the Snack Bar, where a bleary-eyed Rigby is in a body cast and bound to a wheelchair]

Rigby

Well, Mordecai, I guess you were right about the snack bar being lame. Especially now that we're not into eating all the free snacks.

Oh, about that. Those snacks weren't free.

Rigby

What?

Turns out, only Pops gets snacks for free.

Rigby

[with a pitiful whine] Pops?

Yeah. And I guess we're supposed to work here for the next six months just to pay for it all.

Rigby

Ohhh... turds!

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Yes, I wanna be in a band with you! Alright, but we’ve gotta have a cool band name. What do you think of..."Cool Dudes?"

Rigby

"Face Punch!"

"Rad and Subtract?"

Rigby

"Helicopter Crash!"

What about..."Mustache Cashstache?"

Rigby

That's it, THAT'S IT!!

Order the shirts! Order the shirts!

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Rigby

(trying to sleep) I'm a tough guy. (He says "tough guy" repeatedly).

(In his dream, he is a tough guy named Fists and is walking down the street at nighttime.)

FFists

They say this city's tough. But I'm tougher. (walks into a dark alley, and a gangster with half of his hair shaved off follows him with a knife)

GGangster

You walked down the wrong alley, Riggerson. (Fists pins him against the wall.)

FFists

The name's... (pulls fist back) ...Fists! (He's about to punch him, but then, the taxi comes and shines its lights on him and the gangster.)

BTBritish Taxi

Ello, gov'nor!

Fists screams before taxi drives into Fists and gangster.

Rigby

(Screams awake again as he jumps into Mordecai's arms.)

(Groans angrily with his hands crunching) What the heck, Rigby?!

Rigby

[his teeth chatters and quivers in fear] It's that stupid British taxi! It's all inside my brain!

[drops Rigby off his arms] Ugh, I knew it. I knew this would happen! I told you we shouldn't have watched that movie.

Rigby

I know, I'm sorry, I can't help it.

Ah, all right, dude, we're just gonna desensitize you the horror. We're gonna watch Ello Gov'nor over and over again, until you stop being scared.

[later, in the living room]

[as he pushes Rigby against the screen] Look at it! Look at it! It's not real! You can see the microphone showing!!

Rigby

Let me go!!

LOOK AT IT!!

Rigby

Get off me!

I'm sick of you keeping me up! You look at it!

Rigby

LET ME GO!

Look at it.

Rigby

LET ME GO!!

LOOK AT IT!! Look...at it...you look at it, you...look at it...

Rigby

Let... me GO!! (Throws the cover)

What the heck is going on?!

Rigby's just freaked off by this stupid dumb British movie we watched.

Well, you'd better have this place cleaned up by the time I get back from my cricket game.

Cricket?

Yeah. I'm trying new things.. So what.

(gasps) Will British people be there?

It's cricket. What do you think?

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All right, dude. I'll go to the movies with you. Just call it of with her.

Rigby

[scoffs] Yeah, right. I'm not going with you. You had your chance to ask her and you blew it. YOU BLEW IT!

[groans] Come on, dude...just give me another chance.

Rigby

Okay...I'll give you another chance if you admit that you're jealous.

No!! I'm not jealous!

Rigby

Then I guess I'm still going out with Margaret! OOOOOOHHHHH! YOU BLEW IT AGAIN, YOU BLEW IT AGAIN!

[As Mordecai runs around the house swiping all the clocks, preventing Rigby to see the time]

[covering the time on the microwave] Call it off with her.

Rigby

You're jealous, Mordecai! It's all over your face!

MY FACE ISN'T JEALOUS! [quickly shoves all the clocks into the microwave]

Rigby

Dude, what are you doing?! You can't do that!

Can't do what? This? [slams the microwave door shut and starts it as all the clocks start to melt] Now you'll never be on time for your date!

Rigby

[leaps onto Mordecai's shoulder, tackling him] Give me back those clocks!

NO!

Rigby

What's your problem?! Why do you have to be jealous all the time!

Shut up! This is all your fault! I finally get a chance to ask out Margaret, but you had to butt in and ruin everything!

Rigby

No, I didn't! I just wanted to see Zombie Dinner Party with my bro, who flaked on me, for some girl who doesn't even know he exists!

[enraged] I'LL KILL YOU!

[after seeing all the times he was jealous of Rigby throughout the entire episode through the Truth Hole] It's true, I am jealous of Rigby, and even though he's annoying, he's still my best friend. You're right Father Time, I deserve to be trapped here.

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[After Benson leaves his office with the Book of Park Records…]

Rigby

[disappointed] Aw, man. I didn't get to write the ending.

Whatever, dude. It's not like anyone is gonna believe that stuff. Just be glad we didn't get caught.

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Rigby

Ugh. It's so hot. I can't stop sweating.

Dude, is it just me or does being appreciated blow?

Rigby

Yeah, man. It's not worth it.

Pops

[showing up in the cart] Mordecai, Rigby, did you hear? There's to be a blizzard this afternoon!

But it's the middle of Summer.

Pops

I know, but look! [shows them tennis rackets tied to his feet] I've already donned my snowshoes. [drives off]

Rigby

Pfft, snow? Sounds like more crazy Pops talk to me, right?

Yeah.

[They both laugh, but not for long when a giant blizzard suddenly appears out of nowhere]

This is crazy!

Rigby

Dude! I think it's the book!

What?!

Rigby

Don't you get it?! The pancakes, Benson liking us, the work, this blizzard!

BBoth

Skips!

[Later, they drive the golf cart out from the garage and into the blistering blizzard to search for Skips]

Dude, how are we gonna find him? I can't see anything!

Rigby

Just keep going! [they suddenly crash into a shadowy figure] What was that?!

[They get out of the cart and gasp in realization to see they've accidentally ran over…]

BBoth

Skips!

[They help Skips up and his right leg breaks, causing him to exclaim in pain]

Rigby

That's not good.

Help me get him into the cart!

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Skips

You wrote lies in the Book of Park Records?

Maybe…

Rigby

Yeah, well… You're the one who made me stop writing. There was gonna be a super sweet ending with bazookas, and explosions, and a heli--

Rigby, the book! If everything we write in the book come true then all we got to do is… [gasps]

BBoth

We gotta find Benson.

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Rigby

Whoa.

MRMordecai & Rigby

Cool!

I'll take that! I don't know what's been going on here or why you two jokers have my book, so you had better clean this mess up starting now, OR YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!!

What mess?

[looks around and sees no mess at all] Uh—

Rigby

We did all the job you asked us to do.

…Skips, let's get outta here.

[Benson gets in the golf cart, then Benson and Skips drive away]

Rigby

What? Still no appreciation plaques?

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Margaret

Hey, guys. What's with the cameras?

These? Um... we're making an indie documentary.

Margaret

Whoa, that's cool!

Yeah...it's pretty obscure...art-house stuff...

Rigby

It's so indie, only one dude's gonna see it!

Margaret

What's it called?

[on mic] It's called "Slackers 2: The Return of Mordecai and Rigby To Their Jobs". [on watch] Break's over!

Uh, I guess we'll take two lattes.

TO GO!!

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Oh! Uh, hey, Benson! We were just getting back to work!

It's okay, Mordecai. I trust you.

Really?

Of course I do! Because now I have this! [sets up camera] Say hello to Peeps. It's a surveillance system! Now I'll be able to see what you're up to all the time! 24/7, 365. Isn't that great? Well, I'll let you guys finish your work. And remember: I'm watching you. [walks away]

Rigby

Dude, I don't think Benson trusts us at all!

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You know who else has the best tacos in the city?

Rigby

Dude, Benson will blow a fuse if he finds out we were slacking off!

You know who else would blow a fuse if she found out we were slacking off?