[after watching an advertisement for Seeds of Agony by Jonno] Wow, that sounds crazy.
Rigby[laughs] Crazy enough to work!
Dude, what are you talking about?
Rigby
[leans in closer to whisper] Can you guys keep a secret? I'm taking Eileen to see that tomorrow! And you guys are coming with! And, you're not gonna ruin the surprise!
It sounds a little intense.
And why's it gotta be a surprise? Is it a special occasion or something?
Rigby
No, and that's the point! She'd be expecting something if it was. I've made her laugh, cry, scream with terror when she fell into that cave hole, all the big emotions. But she's too smart to be surprised!
Rigby
If there's a mystery, she has to solve it. Whenever I try to surprise Eileen, she figures it out immediately. [Flashback to him dressed up in murder-mystery-style clothing and Eileen answers the door] Good evening, my lady. I'm here to warn you that trouble's afoot. You see, there's been a mur-
[squeals with excitement] You're taking me to a murder mystery, right?
Rigby
Uh... yes.
Great! I already picked out a dress so we could go!
[Another flashback]
Rigby
[carrying a telescope] Surprise! I'm taking you-
To the conjunction of the Moon and Mars up on Lookout Mountain? I know! I'm so excited!
[Another flashback]
Rigby
Hello-
You're taking me to the biannual mating season of the Hermit Crabs? You're the best!
[Back to the present]
Rigby
She's smart like that, dude. So I thought of a plan so crazy she'll never figure it out. Will you guys help drive us around?
Dude, you're being kinda crazy, but at least it's a nice kind of crazy.
I think that's sweet Rigby. Of course we'll help you.
[walks in room carrying a tray of celery and peanut butter] Who wants celery and peanut butter? Wait, I smell a surprise brewing.
Rigby
No. You don't.
You're taking me to a movie after this.
Rigby
[calling out] Eileen, what are you doing?!
I told you-- I'm getting my scarf!
Rigby
Stop lying! Just tell me what's wrong!
I'll tell you what's wrong, the thrills, the chills, the spills-- snow tubing is not for me!
Rigby
How do you know? You never tried it.
I did try it. When I was little, I went snow tubing with my dad. [Flashback to that day] We tried to hit a jump... but the inertia worked against us. The cold air felt like death on my face. And then... [gasps] that's when I got THIS! [pulls down her sleeve, revealing a scar on her elbow arm]
Rigby
What am I looking at exactly?
Rigby
Oh.
Yeah. Ever since then, I've been afraid of snow tubing, I was just too embarrassed to tell you. I didn't wanna ruin the trip. I knew how much it meant to you.
Rigby
You shouldn't be embarrassed. I freak out over small spaces all the time. I'm not ashamed of my mucastaphobia.
[giggles] Claustraphobia. And you're right.
[ It Then cuts to Mordecai then calls Benson after having missed their delivered package]
(Now red) 'YOU MISSED IT?!?! ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SIT THERE!! You do that all day anyhow, so why can't you do it when I tell you to?!!
We're sorry, Benson! We— (He gets cut off)
Just reschedule the delivery and fix this, OR YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!
Rigby
I'd say that was only about a five out of ten on the chewed-out scale. Not bad.
[Rigby and Eileen are both eating sandwiches at the cafe]
Rigby
Hey, do you want to go with me to prom?
I guess it's a chaperone?
Rigby
Na, it's my date.
Totally, I never got to go since no one ever asked me.
Rigby
Nice.
Rigby
[whispering] No.
Will you two pipe down?! I'm trying to polish my picture of my prized car.
[enters the dining room with both Rigby and Don's dinner plates; cheerfully] What a surprise for you boys to drop in.
"Drop in." Ha! You really think Rigby would just come to dinner? I know you just need something.
[takes a seat at the table] Oh, hush, Sherm. [to her boys] So, how are things at work?
Great! We just picked up Cheezer's as a new client.
Rigby
I ate at Cheezer's yesterday.
That was a good update, Don.
[walks upstairs] Rigby, you know this is a walk-in closet now.
Rigby
I know.
Rigby
I'm not crying.
Oh, good. [sits down next to him]
Rigby
[sighs] Why does Dad still have to be such a jerk all the time? It's just, neither me or Eileen went to prom, and I want to make it special.
Hmm… All right. I'll make you a deal. [gives Rigby the keys to Sherm's car, but on one condition…] No scratches, and I'm involved.
Rigby
[happily] Thanks, Mom.
You show that girl a good time. [leaves]
Rigby
I will, Mom.
[Rigby pulls up at Eileen's house in his dad's car, knocks on the door and Eileen answers it, in her prom dress]
[as Rigby puts her prom corsage on her arm] Wow! Hydrangea macrophylia, my favorite! [surprised as she sees Sherm's car] Whoa. Who lent you that thing?
Rigby
My dad. Pretty cool, right?
Wow. That was nice of him. Let's go crazy like teens!
Rigby
But not too crazy, you know, 'cause of my dad's car.
[puzzled and confused] Hmm?
[As Rigby and Eileen drive to Lookout Mountain in Sherm's car…]
Are you okay? It looks like you're stewing. Rigby, please tell me what you're stewing about.
Rigby
My dad didn't loan me the car.
What? You didn't… steal it, did you?
Rigby
No, my mom gave me the keys. But it's my dad, you know? He doesn't trust me with anything. I was hoping he'd finally be ready to see me as a real person. [raises his hand and lowers it with each category he says about Sherm] It's always Don, car, everything else, me.
I know how you feel. My mom can get pushy, too, but she still cares. I'm sure your dad cares, too. There's no way this is more important to him than your happiness.
AAiden
Uh, good luck, man.
Rigby… Oh, ho, ho, ho, Rigby. [to Eileen in the rear-view mirror] Eileen, close your ears. [Eileen puts on a pair of earmuffs; ratting out to Rigby, angrily, while driving down the mountain] I always knew you were a liar and a loser, but I never thought you'd be a thief! I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Seems like every day you find some new way to mess up our lives. And now, you found someone new to mess up their lives, too!
Rigby
[having to have heard that; sharply] What?!
Rigby
Dad, I do stuff like this all the time. Just let me help!
Of course you do stuff like this all the time! It's, uh… Uh… It's your fault we're here in the first place!
Rigby
Dad, stop! It doesn't matter if I ever get a big job or my G.E.D. You're still never gonna trust me, and that's on you! You're so focused on your car, you never noticed me growing up! Also, it's totally your fault 'cause you were the one driving and you weren't watching the road! Now, give me the wheel!
No, it's my car! You'll crash it!
Rigby
Give it!
I'm doing this for your own good, sir!
[as Eileen pulls him away from the driver's seat] NO!
Rigby
Thanks, Eileen. [puts his seatbelt on and takes the wheel] I promise I won't mess this up.
Rigby
Eileen, did you have a good time?
Oh, Rigby! That was the best and only prom I've ever been to! [happily hugs him]
[doubtfully proud] What you did back there was really impressive, Rigby. I mean, it showed initiative. Maybe you have changed. So, uh… [shrugs] I guess you can borrow the car whenever you want.
Rigby
Thanks, Dad. Though, I probably should get a driver's license first.
Rigby
[at West Anderson High School] Come on, Principal Dean! You can't fail me!
PDPrincipal Dean
Who said anything about failing you?
Rigby
On the phone! You said it was "deadly serious"!
PDPrincipal Dean
Okay, I can see how that could sound ominous, but this is good news. Are you familiar with the television program "Inspire America"?
Rigby
You mean that cheesy show with inspirational stories that everybody cries then everybody dances at the end?
PDPrincipal Dean
That's the one! See, Rigby, apparently you're an inspiration to this country. Most kids who drop out don't come back, but you did. So you, Rigby, are gonna give this year's graduation speech on TV.
Rigby
But graduation's tomorrow!
PDPrincipal Dean
Better get movin'. Oh, and Rigby, if you screw this up for me, I'm gonna eat your diploma.
[Rigby sweats frozen still]
PDPrincipal Dean
Ha! I'm just pullin' your chain! Actually, no, yeah. I will eat it.
Regular Show · 562 quotes
