[at West Anderson High School] Come on, Principal Dean! You can't fail me!
Who said anything about failing you?
On the phone! You said it was "deadly serious"!
Okay, I can see how that could sound ominous, but this is good news. Are you familiar with the television program "Inspire America"?
You mean that cheesy show with inspirational stories that everybody cries then everybody dances at the end?
That's the one! See, Rigby, apparently you're an inspiration to this country. Most kids who drop out don't come back, but you did. So you, Rigby, are gonna give this year's graduation speech on TV.
But graduation's tomorrow!
Better get movin'. Oh, and Rigby, if you screw this up for me, I'm gonna eat your diploma.
[Rigby sweats frozen still]
Ha! I'm just pullin' your chain! Actually, no, yeah. I will eat it.
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