Red vs Blue Season 1 quotes

Oh shit! Hey, Tucker, look at his armor. It's red.

Oh man! That means it's their sergeant.

Well, that makes sense. At least now we know how he got by our defenses.

Uh...you know...he came in the back door where you guys were standing.

Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then.

Rodger that. Okay, say goodnight, Sarge. [takes four shots; all miss]

SON OF A BITCH!

Aw crap. [sees Tucker staring] What?

You're really not very good with that thing, are you?

[yelling] Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember?!

Oh, great. Now he's taunting us! That's just embarrassing.

All right, that's it! I've had it! Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass.

Right!

Tucker, you ready? Let's go.

There is no way I'm going through that thing.

Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?

I don't know! Why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?

We already tested the teleporter, remember?

We threw rocks through it!

Yeah and so what? The rocks came through the other side, didn't they?

Yeah, but they were all hot and covered with black stuff.

Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then? You're afraid of a little black stuff.

Yes, I am. I am afraid of black stuff.

Tucker, I almost hate to do this to ya. [Church points his gun at him]

You wouldn't.

You know, I look at it this way: either a) we go through there and get the flag back, or b) we stay here, and I get to kill you. Either way, I win.

For the record, I want you to know: rocks aren't people.

Duly noted. Now get in there.

Crap! All right. One... two...

Huh. He didn't come out the other side...

Yeah. I've, uh... I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter.

Okay, Rookie, you stay here. I'll be back with the flag.

I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't hear any shots.

I'm telling you, it was 4 shots; like bam, bam, bam!

Wait a second, that's only 3 bams.

(annoyed) Bam.

Wait a second, we got a Blue guy on the move out there!

Where's he headed?

[jokingly] You mean the Puma?

Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war.

FREEZE! [aims assault rifle at Donut]

Hey, why the hell were you shooting at me? You could've hit me, dick!

Can it! Don't try to play stupid with me, Sarge! I know who you are. We've been spying on you for three weeks now.

I just got here two hours ago and I'm not a Sergeant, I'm a Private.

Wait a minute, you're not the Sergeant!

Yeah! That's what I just said.

Well then how the hell did you manage to steal our flag?

Steal? I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

THREE!

JESUS!

HOLY SHIT! Who is this guy?

What in the hell?! Tucker? Is that you?

How did you get up here ahead of me?

And what's with that black shit on your armor?

Hey! Freeze, Sarge! [Tucker levels his weapon at Donut's head]

Will you stop calling me a Sergeant? I'm still just a Private!

The Sarge is still a Private? Oh. My. God. The teleporter sent me back in time!

Sorry Lopez, we need the jeep.

I'll take gunner. [gets in gunner position.]

Let's roll!

How do you turn off the fucking radio in this car?

Don't worry Lopez, we'll bring her back in one piece!

Look, I know you don't know me, but you have to believe what I'm about to tell you. Sometime in your future, I get stationed here in Blood Gulch and we meet. And this guy here, (motioning towards Donut) he gets promoted to Sergeant of the red army and we spy on them. And they get this new jeep and I'm all like, "There is no way you can pick up chicks in a tank!"

Tucker, what the fuck are you babbling about?

I know all this sounds crazy, but he eventually becomes a Sergeant, and then one day we get a tank, and he comes and steals our flag while we're distracted!

Is this guy a retard?

Red, shut up. Tucker, listen to me, you haven't gone back in time, okay? This is the guy that stole our flag, he's just not the Sergeant. Turns out, he's just some dumb rookie who happens to have the same color armor as him. He got in somehow; just— FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!?

Whooo-hoooo!

Son of a bitch!

Holy shit!

Run! Jesus, run!

The jeep followed me back in time!

What the hell is going on here?

You know what? I honestly have no idea what's going on! I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane!

How did you get their flag?

I don't know, I just asked for it.

Wait, that worked!?

I guess. Is it not supposed to?

I don't know. We ...never even thought to try that. Just take the flag to the base, I'll explain there.

Not until someone tells me what the fuck is go—

There's no time to explain, Rookie! Just take the flag and go to base! I'll explain everything there!

Fine! [starts running towards blue base]

Ugh, back to our base, dumbass!

Uh, I know. I just got turned around that's all.

Oh man... that's not good. Oh my God, that jeep has a really big gun. (indecisive) Stay here... tank... stay here... tank..... Ahh screw it! [runs towards the tank]

Well, we'll just wait here. That thing's gotta run out of bullets sometime.

My God, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?

You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank.

(obviously annoyed) Hey, Tucker, what good is a tank gonna do us if nobody here knows how to drive it?

Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy.

Well... yeah, but... oh man, I guess I gotta give that one to you.

Hello, and thank you for activating the M8O8V main battle tank. You may call me Sheila.

(nervously) Hello... Sheila... big tank lady...

Would you like me to run the tutorial program?

Oh that'd be very nice. Thank you!

Tutorial program activated. This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of this Scorpion-class tank. Let's begin with some driving.

Okay.

Simmons! SIMMONS!! (Simmons stops shooting) Man! That thing is loud!

WHAT?

Come on, let's sneak around the back of the rock and get 'em out.

OKAY!

Keep it down! Jesus! Let's go, before they figure out what's going on.

Now that you've mastered driving the M8O8V, let's move on to some of the safety features.

No! No, wait, go back! Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?