[Church catches up to Donut in middle of canyon]
FREEZE! [aims assault rifle at Donut]
Hey, why the hell were you shooting at me? You could've hit me, dick!
Can it! Don't try to play stupid with me, Sarge! I know who you are. We've been spying on you for three weeks now.
I just got here two hours ago and I'm not a Sergeant, I'm a Private.
Wait a minute, you're not the Sergeant!
Yeah! That's what I just said.
Well then how the hell did you manage to steal our flag?
Steal? I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.
[Tucker suddenly pops out through the teleporter]
HOLY SHIT! Who is this guy?
What in the hell?! Tucker? Is that you?
How did you get up here ahead of me?
And what's with that black shit on your armor?
Hey! Freeze, Sarge! [Tucker levels his weapon at Donut's head]
Will you stop calling me a Sergeant? I'm still just a Private!
The Sarge is still a Private? Oh. My. God. The teleporter sent me back in time!
[Grif gets in driver's seat of warthog and ranchero music begins playing]
Sorry Lopez, we need the jeep.
I'll take gunner. [gets in gunner position.]
How do you turn off the fucking radio in this car?
Don't worry Lopez, we'll bring her back in one piece!
Look, I know you don't know me, but you have to believe what I'm about to tell you. Sometime in your future, I get stationed here in Blood Gulch and we meet. And this guy here, (motioning towards Donut) he gets promoted to Sergeant of the red army and we spy on them. And they get this new jeep and I'm all like, "There is no way you can pick up chicks in a tank!"
Tucker, what the fuck are you babbling about?
I know all this sounds crazy, but he eventually becomes a Sergeant, and then one day we get a tank, and he comes and steals our flag while we're distracted!
[Annoying ranchero music from the Red Team's Warthog starts playing quietly and gets louder and louder as Church continues talking]
Red, shut up. Tucker, listen to me, you haven't gone back in time, okay? This is the guy that stole our flag, he's just not the Sergeant. Turns out, he's just some dumb rookie who happens to have the same color armor as him. He got in somehow; just— FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!?
[Warthog flies over hill towards Church, Tucker, and Donut]
The jeep followed me back in time!
[Simmons starts shooting and yelling taunts at the Blues, who have hidden behind a rock]
What the hell is going on here?
You know what? I honestly have no idea what's going on! I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane!
How did you get their flag?
I don't know, I just asked for it.
I guess. Is it not supposed to?
I don't know. We ...never even thought to try that. Just take the flag to the base, I'll explain there.
Not until someone tells me what the fuck is go—
There's no time to explain, Rookie! Just take the flag and go to base! I'll explain everything there!
Fine! [starts running towards blue base]
Ugh, back to our base, dumbass!
Uh, I know. I just got turned around that's all.
