Red vs Blue quotes

He was all like 'Sayonara' and he just took off!

That's not Spanish, you idiot. It's French!

Rest in peace, pinky toe. [Scary voice] You shall be avenged!

Can I ask you a question? Did they put something in the water here?

Water? We ran outta water six months ago.

No water, then what do you drink?

Uh, you know, ketchup, uh, soy sauce, gravy, the usual.

Sarge

I only drink the blood of my enemies. And occasionally a strawberry yoo-hoo. Or a sasparilla. Grenadine, straight from the can. Deeelicious. Occasionally I do enjoy a sex on the beach, or a pina colada. [Singing] If you like pina coladas... and gettin caught in the rain... if you're not into yoga... Grif just has half a brain.

I would just like to let everyone know that I suck...

And?

And that I'm a girl...

What else?

... and I like ribbons in my hair ... and I want to kiss all the boys...

Sarge

This may be the best surrender of all time.

Come on, Sarge, he doesn't even have a gun.

Oh, well, you two will be great friends, then. He doesn't have a gun, and you didn't bring any ammo!

Hey, thanks, kiss-ass! If I wanna take guarding tips from the guy that lost our last prisoner, I'll be sure to ask you!

Oh shut up. Your armour's pink.

Hey Church, if your body is the red team's old droid, and droids usually fix stuff, can't you just activate your repair sequence and fix Sheila?

Huh... well, yeah, it's worth a shot, I guess. *Ahem* All right, stand back. [Church starts grunting for six seconds]

Anything?

Yeah, it's not as easy as you'd think it'd be.

Maybe there's a button on you somewhere.

See what you can find. I'll keep trying from in here. [Begins grunting again] Oh, hey.

Found it?

Nah, no, wait. All I found was the time and temperature function. It is currently 26 degrees, by the way.

What? It's not 26 degrees out here, that's freezing.

Celsius, Tucker.

Come on dude, Celsius sucks. [Tucker bends down to only find a switch in Church's crotch] Hey, I found something.

Oh yeah, you found a button?

No dude, it's more like a...switch.

Well, give it a flip. [Tucker stand up to face Church]

I don't wanna flip it.

What's the problem?

It's in a weird place.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me!

You flip it!

These arms aren't that flexible. I can't even reach down there.

What about Caboose?

Aw man, he's so stupid. I don't even know if he knows how to operate a switch.

Aw man.

Tucker, come on! We'll laugh about it later. I'll buy you dinner. [Tucker bends down to flip the switch but comes back up, unsuccessful]

It won't move. Its stuck.

Did you try wiggling it?

No way, I'm not wiggling your dongle.

Oh stop being a baby. Just wiggle it. [Tucker bend down to wiggle the switch as five seconds flow by in silence]

Ssssoooo, you from around here baby? [Tucker shoots back up]

Okay look, if you want me to do this, you can't talk.

Alright, alright, I'm sorry. I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.

I wish Tex was here. She wouldn't have any problem flipping it.

You obviously did not know Tex that well.

There, got it. Feel any different?

No, what?! Hey that's odd. Can you hear something beeping?

There, you hear that?

Is it like a screaming, high-pitched whistling noise followed by a series of random clicks?

No, it's just like this constant beep, beep, beep noise.

Oh... then no, I don't hear anything.

Whoa wait, do you actually HEAR a series of whistling noises followed by some random clicks?

No, I'm just trying to be helpful.

Yeah, well, you're failing.

Oh, I hear that voice telling us to kill all of our friends before they have a chance to kill us. (Church and Tucker stare at Caboose)

What? You guys don't hear that?

Hey, he's taking the Jeep!

HELP, the Jeep is kidnapping me!

Now he's taunting us. This is just embarrassing.

Aqquire Target..Red.

Uh Sarge... you may want to start running... now.

Sarge

Ahhhhhh.......Fudgebumbs

Sarge

What a way to go. Killed by my own mechanical creations. I'm sure there's a philosophical lesson to be learned from all this.

Something about the dangers of technology and the unwavering pride of mankind?

Sarge

No, something about hiring better help that doesn't just stand around watching you die!

Sarge

Ow! There goes my last kidney! I was saving that for a special occasion.

Uh… Church? I think that you should know that the Reds are—

Hey Blues, we're here to — what the hell are you guys doing?

[looking through the sniper scope] Oh, Church, Church. Okay, I-I see something. [through the scope, we see Grif and Simmons leaving Doc to look around in confusion] Okay, the two red ones are walking away, uh but the purple one is... [Scary voice] I think he's going to attack.

Purple? Oh wait, the purple guy is that worthless medic.

He's not gonna attack, he's a pussy-fest.

Pacifist.

Ah, whatever, let's tie him up and roll him through the teleporter.

Wait a second, wait a second, think about this for a minute. Why would the reds leave him out there by himself? This has to be some kinda trick.

I'll bet they've used some kind of... brainwashing technique on him! They're-they're probably planning to have him do all their dirty plans! And also the schemes!

Caboose, that is ridiculous.

{stares at Tucker through the scope] Is it? Or is it so ridiculous, it's the most ridiculously perfect idea that you never thought of?

No, just the regular kind of ridiculous.

I knew it. We're all gonna die. [Points sniper rifle at Tucker's head] [Scary voice] Starting with you.

Tucker, when you think you're dreaming, you don't punch somebody else. You get somebody else to pinch you.

Dude, it doesn't matter what kind of dream I'm having, I am not going to ask you to pinch me.